Inpsired/stolen from Who’s Line Is It Anyway (that means humor gringo), just come right up to World’s Worst thread and and tell us what you think would the World’s Worst thing for a doctor or surgeon to say.
“Oh, I’m sorry that was a rectal thermometer.”
So, Mr. Stevens, are you a boy or a girl?
“So, your SO was in here the other day complaining that . . .”
Anybody see my watch?
(during pelvic exam)
Look at how those guys scatter when the light hits em.
(after tests)
Mr Johnson, there’s nothing wrong with you… what? you’re not mr johnson… OH! <looks at your chart> s**t… um… you may want to sit down for this…
Naahh, <HIC!> i warshn’t out toooo late las’ nigh <HIC!>
(Receptionist) - Excuse me, doctor. Sorry to bother you during an exam, but do you remember the number to our malpractice attorney?
(Doctor) - Sure. It’s “speed-dial,” then “#-1.”
You know, strictly speaking that other kidney was just for show…
“Mr. Johnson, I’d like to refer you to a colleague of mine … Dr. Kevorkian.”
From an old Bill Cosby album-
during surgery
OOOPS
Don’t worry. I’ve seen this done lots of times!
Hello everybody! I’m Doctor Nick!
I prefer to have my patients pay up front. You know…just in case.
If this doesn’t work we can always remove the other one.
Stuffy nose? There’s only one cure for that. Nurse! Bring me a vodka enema!
"Well, let me just write you a prescrip…
wait a minute…
This is a thermometer, not a pen!!!
Then… where did I leave my pen?..
“Hey, Dr. (insert name), Come here, you gotta see this!”
and when he got there, “Wow, I’ve seen this in pictures, but not in real life.”
The good news was it was my urologist! (ok, kidding, it was my podiatrist)
“Umm, I need that sharp thingie for cutting…no, not that, the other thing…you know the thing with the whatchimicallit on the end.”
Uncle Bill’s post reminded me of a true story about someone that I knew: she was back in Montreal and in the hospital for tests, as she was feeling tired while on vacation for her job in eastern Zaire.
“We have to show this to all of the med students – they may never get another chance to see a case of sleeping sickness.”
You know nurse, it just occured to me that when you said “amputate the left leg” you probably meant his left, and not my left when I’m facing him.
Another true story -
My current Dentist looking at my teeth - “Boy, your last dentist was really bad!”
These are more amusing than horrifying but my orthodontist said
“I’ve never seen anything like that before!” and
“99% of the people who come in here I can tell what needs to be done in 10 minutes. And then there’s you.”
“What the hell is that?!”