What’s that Chastain? I think you were trying to tell me something, but all I hear was a vague mumble. Maybe if you took those donkey testicles out of your mouth and learned how to speak properly instead of bleating at us in that farm whore argot we could understand a single word you say, although I’m sure it would still be completely stupid. However, I’m not sure I want to hear anything from a mulleted rube with a username taken from a third-rate circa 1980s wants-to-be-Jethro-Tull-but-fails metal band anyway, so why don’t you just shut the fuck up and concentrate on properly fellating that barn animal instead of farting at us with your opinions?
Trisk, you have a flair for this. Perhaps you should work in break-up cards at Hallmark
My big fear is if I threw a * I Pit Myself Because I am An Attention Whore* thread party that no one would show. I mean, if you are not worthy of being pitted, you are a paragon of virture, and frankly, that would just suck.
I don’t think I’ve ever seriously been Pitted. I think by and large my pittings have been either good natured ribbing or else the delusions of insane people.
You don’t have that right, you snot-nosed little shit. You’ve been on these boards less than two years, and that means you are nothing. Got that? You don’t fucking count. It’s not that we don’t like you … it’s that we don’t fucking care. We don’t care if you’re happy here, we don’t care if you are sad or joyous, we don’t care if you live or die. You are insignificant. Meaningless. You are a single rat in the sewer, a single fly on an elephant turd, a lone maggot eating his way through the rectum of a month-old squirrel corpse in the New York City landfill. You have less significance than the moist lint I brush out of my foreskin in the morning. Four hundred posts and never pitted? Of course not, asshole, no one’s reading your shit. Why the fuck should you be pitted?
Let us review Skutir’s recent “contributions” to the SDMB:
](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=4695762#post4695762)Well, gee, thanks, comedy genius. So damn unfunny nobody got it, and not even your own material. Next time you wanna play “pull my string,” at least parrot something that’s cleverer than you could come up with yourself, okay? Why don’t you try ripping off old Bob Hope monologues for your humor? It’d be a step up, you feebleminded cretin.
](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=4694548#post4694548)The artificial vagina you bought at Joe’s Jack-World does not count as a wife, assmonkey. But if somehow the combination of vaseline and 10W40 you use were to magically bestow sentience, the first thing it would do is grab a baseball bat in its rubber labia and beat you over the head for coming up with something as nauseatingly treacly as “Skutirette.” Sweet Christ, that kind of shit could put Paul Prudhomme into a diabetic coma.
Has** skrudir** contributed to the fight against ignorance? No, but I see he’s taken bold moral stands, chirping up an oh-so-courageous and oh-so-high-pitched “me, three!” in threads taking on … child porn and nazis.
Gee thanks, Churchill. We couldn’t have won WWII without you. Are you against poverty, too? Opposed to starvation? Yeah, you’re a real moral beacon there, Captain Cornshit. Next time I’m facing a moral quandry, I’m dialing 1-800-ASSHOLE and waiting to hear your voice, that’s for damn sure.
Looking back, I see shittir “contributing” to lots of threads about American Idol, a woe-is-me-I’m-lefthanded wankfest and several discussions on choosing the right personal lubricants. Unfortunately, his name does not appear in any threads discussing suicide through self-immolation.
Nope … I see not one scintilla of wit shown, one shred of ignorance unembraced, one wise suggestion that you kindly fuck off heeded. After a thorough examination of the record, I find I must modify my original position: You’re not nothing, suktir; you are a postitive force for ignorance in the world.
You are not a zero. That is a mark far beyond you. You, my worthless little roach, are the intellectual Absolute Zero, the point at which all thought stops, and you leech away whatever wit surrounds you. Every single person who reads your drivel walks away with less intelligence than they began. I would call you a stain upon the face of humanity if it were not more accurate to call you a festering boil on its hairy, shit-encrusted ass.
Were all the kings of earth to gather their gold and their jewels, it would not be enough to buy you a clue. Were all the men of wisdom to cogitate, they could not find an excuse not to drown you in the nearest cesspit; were all the artists to paint, they could not fully express your foulness. And were all the lice-infested winos in the universe to vomit, the syphilitic ten-dollar whores douche and the parasite-ridden water buffalo urinate together into a beaker the size of Oregon, from which you are forced to drink every drop; were your living entrails slowly chewed and eaten over a period of weeks by especially blunt-toothed chipmunks; were you held suspended from a tree by your nutsack while children gathered around to laugh, throwing apricots and badger feces; and were you forced to watch and applaud as your very mother was raped and then trampled to death by a moose wearing a Howdy-doody mask; yet would not justice be done upon you.
I despise you, you worthless pail of hippo jizz. Know without doubt that my contempt will pursue you beyond the grave, into whatever far reach of Hell the Dark Lord wishes to make more damned with your presence.
Hell, I’ll take Wild Turkey any day. If I feel rich I’ll buy Glenn Fidich, Glenn Livets older and better brother.
Generally, I had my fill of those so I stick to Bombay Saphire, neat (no tonic, no ice, no glass). That probably explanes some of my more stupid posts.
Never even come close to a Pitting, although I’ve been spanked by other posters a few times in GD. I have a feeling that I bore people just enough for them to hit the ‘ignore’ button, but not enough to cause them to hammer out a foam-flecked, spittle-flying, flamethrowing screed denouncing me to to the world.
