I don’t understand saying “I feel uneducated compared to…” You ARE uneducated compared to him, or at least less educated. That’s not a judgment and it’s not an opinion. That’s simply a bald statement of objective fact. He has more education than you do.
Seems to me that step one is accepting this as fact. Only then can you start to figure out if it’s a problem, and if so, why and what to do about it.
Being less educated is not necessarily anything to be ashamed of. People have different opportunities and interests in life. My wife is less educated than I am, but I don’t consider myself to be smarter or superior to her. Our lives just went down different paths for many years. We still love and respect one another.
I agree with this - I have a college degree and I’m a mechanic. It’s not as if somehow people look down upon me any less because I have degree; to people who are concerned with these sorts of things I’m just blue collar bozo all the same. And they could be right for all I know, I just don’t care.
Most of the people I work with do not have degrees. One of them seems to just have this chip on his shoulder about it that gets really annoying after a while, it’s like he’s always trying to show he’s clever. Another guy I work with doesn’t seem care at all - he is a much more pleasant person to be around.
Anyway, I just want to say one of the awesome things about the SDMB is that no matter what you are or where you come from people will judge you mostly by the soundness what you post.
Have answers for cocktail party type questions at hand, short, factual, and turn the question.
“Where did you go to college?”
“I didn’t. Where did you go? What did you major in? I’ve always thought that living in dorms sounded really interesting, did you live in a dorm?”
Remember that no one knows everything. You can spend twenty years in college getting a PhD and be remarkably uninformed outside your specialty. My late brother in law had a Masters in English and Education to be a high school English teacher. He’d never read To Kill a Mockingbird or Pride and Prejudice or Catcher in the Rye - high school English staples.
And intelligence itself is very subjective. Is someone really that intelligent if they know quantum mechanics, but is unable to work out how to navigate straightforward social situations?
Also, slavery in the US didn’t end; and, per Abe Lincoln, slavery in the Confederacy ended in 1863, but, *not *in the North. Per the Slave amendments to the Constitution, only slavery based on, what, previous conditions of servitude, etc… You can be convicted of slavery and sentenced to a period of slavery and the Constitution will say “Tough titty, slave!”
At any rate, I’m also curious if your fiance was teasing you to get some kind of reaction to draw you further into some sort of discussion, to further keep you talking, or, to see what kind of reaction you would have. Irritating somebody that you like/love is a sort of token of affection. I, myself, have done as much when I was younger, and it sort of worked, sometimes. As you point out, it was early in your relationship.
How funny. I just had a similar conversation with a friend who is considering dating a guy with a great big prestigious education. She has a HS education. I didn’t know she ever felt insecure about it, but I guess she has a touch of it. She shouldn’t. She’s had a rather remarkable life, and her intelligence and accomplishments are quite impressive. If anybody thinks less of her because she doesn’t have a bachelor’s, it’s their loss.
I was dating a guy without a college degree last year. Didn’t bother me a bit. He was very smart and successful with a professional job and plenty of general knowledge. The only thing that did bother me was that he had no interest in ever pursuing a degree. I wouldn’t have even cared if he actually got one - but the fact that it wasn’t even something he hoped to do eventually was a bit unattractive.
I’d have found that funny too, but NOT because I thought you were stupid or uneducated… We ALL have weird gaps in our knowledge and experience, and they amuse me when they pop up. It’s just an “ain’t life funny” kind of thing.
That’s not to say that’s why your boyfriend was amused, however. If it’s been bugging you for 3 years, it might be for a reason.
My ex-husband used to do that sort of thing too, and I’m both more educated and smarter than he is. It was just yet another way of putting me down. There’s a reason he’s my EX-husband.
OK, so a lack of a college degree doesn’t bother you but a lack of interest in one does. To me, if someone doesn’t need a college degree they don’t need one. There’s no reason for someone to spend years working towards a pretty piece of paper that’s not going to fulfill any need of theirs - not even, in this particular case, the need to look at a pretty piece of paper with their name in the middle.
I had an uncle who collected graduate degrees; for him, all those pretty pieces of paper were Important. The rest of the family got to the point where, any time he announced another degree, we’d ask politely “what was it on, this time?” “blahblah” “well, that’s nice I’m sure, please pass the salt”. My brother and his wife have spent years getting college courses without degrees attached: they were interested in the individual courses, but would have obtained no actual benefit from diplomas in whatever those courses were attached to, so they didn’t bother take the subjects they weren’t interested in. A friend of mine has an FPIII, which is the equivalent of a Doctorate from a Trade School and did you even know there was such a thing. Different strokes for different people and it can all be enormously interesting or deadly boring.
First, better to be a college drop out than a high school graduate.
Second, if people ask you where you went to college, you can honestly say “Whatsamatta U” or wherever you did attend for a year.
Third, if they ask what year did you graduate, you can play shy with your age and “when dinosaurs roamed the earth” or some such meaningless shit.
Sez China Guy with a double major undergrad, an MBA and complete shitheads with lesser degrees cracking the whip over me. A degree doesn’t mean a lot being my point.
A friend of mine’s daughter is an anesthesiologist and her husband has a GED. They seem very happy together. They met while she was going to medical school so they knew from day one that there was always going to be a wide divide in their education and it has never been a real issue with them.
As far as I can tell their marriage is going very well.
They’ve been married for about 7 years and have two kids, for whatever that might add to the equation.
The point of this is that all relationships are what you make of them. Does your fiance treat you with respect, listen to your input, admit you are right a reasonable percentage of the time, etc? If yes, it really shouldn’t be a problem unless you make it one by dwelling on it. If no, you might want to take a good long look at things.
I assume you’re an adult so a reasonable action on your part would be to suck it up and get a degree then you wouldn’t feel worried about the educational divide.
I had the conversation with him about my hurt feelings of him laughing about it…3 years ago…he said he did remember the conversation. His excuse was that he innitially laughed because he thought I was kidding. And that he didn’t realize that I seriously didn’t know until I gave the wrong answer. I kept saying I didn’t know…finally took a guess and was waaaaay off!
Anywho, the conversation progressed and he made connections about other situations we’ve been in that relate or could’ve stemmed from this ordeal from three years ago.
Nonetheless, he said that me telling him things that he doesn’t know or getting a degree won’t make him love me more but that the fact that I’ve done so much more and opted out of college for a once in a life time opportunity! (Professional Dancer) so that made me feel good.
I do want to get my degree, but I’ve held off so many years because so many other great opportunities come my way and take up my time! I guess I should learn to appreciate that!
This site is pretty interesting! I’ve had the pleasure of roaming the threads and enjoy it a lot! I think I’ll stick around!
Also, I checked out the “Man on the Street” with Jay Leno! He and I both watched it and were going at it! I’ve also download the economist app!
When I was dating most of the women I dated had advanced educations. One on one we always seemd to get along fine but I always felt like a fish out of water at most social gatherings. Travel was usually a hot topic and I had nothing to offer, same with portfolios and about 90% of everything else they liked to talk about.
I am comfortable with girls up to about a bachelors degree for something long term. Many of my close frieds have advanced educations but our frienship is usually based on specific things we have in common.
My husband is very smart, but in a way that is really different than me (he’s a scientist, I’m a foreign policy geek). Between domestic life and general gossip, we have plenty to talk about. We do keep pretty separate social lives, however, which is sometimes hard but not a deal breaker. It’s actually really nice to be able to come home and not talk shop.
With today’s options, however, I would raise an eyebrow at someone with zero interest in ever getting a degree. There are just so many programs out there for non-traditional students that it’s really in most people’s reach, and it’s worth having in your pocket just in case.
That said, a degree won’t necessarily give you the background information you need. That, in my experience, comes from reading widely. But spending that much time focused on critical thinking is something, and you will likely learn about interests you never knew you had.
Interesting thread because I felt similar to the OP when I was a college drop out. I was locked out of many positions because I didn’t have a degree and had to work under people who did who’s intelligence didn’t impress me.
By the time my oldest was 17 not wanting him to use me as an excuse not to get one I enrolled full time in local private college. They actually interviewed me to try to talk me out of it or to make sure I was serious. Well although I normally got just avg grades in grade and HS I graduated with a 3.9gpa because I had a much better appreciation than my peers and I was paying for it lol. Son still chose not to attend school and the industry I got a degree in (aviation) had a slump so I stayed in my non related field.
Years later I had inkling to get my Masters for job offerings in another field (Education) well again the field closed down locally (massive layoffs) and those invited me to work under them were fired/retired.
Now years later I ponder if I would have put that money into a small business or at least a conservative investment would I have something more valuable than 2 pieces of paper.
To the OP it’s never too late to finish if that is what you really want to do. I did learn some interesting things there but there are better places to spend your time/money if you ask me unless you are going for a higher paying degreed profession like doctor or lawyer.
This reminds me of the time one of our students got a PhD in math and there was a reception in which his father, professor and dean in a med school came up to me and said, “Now we have a real doctor in the family.”
For the OP let me suggest that the reason people assume that you have a college degree is that you are so obviously intelligent. If three years ago, you didn’t know when slavery ended, well we all have gaps in our knowledge. Maybe you should answer them, “I am auto-didact.” From your description of your job, it sounds like that is accurate enough.
A point that has been touched on but not explicitly stated is that there is also a vast difference between being educated and being formally educated. A person can be an expert in a field while not holding down the paperwork of a university or college degree. This link is far from comprehensive, but it gives you the idea.
FWIW, it took me 22 years to finish my B.Sc. via correspondence, which I undertook for my personal bliss, not to boost my paycheque. I have a lot of interests, and I read lot which makes it easy to have at least a passing familiarity with almost any subject, except Camus. Still haven’t read any of his work yet… :).
And I would say that being an expert in a field doesn’t make you “educated.” in face, to me, the concept of being educated is kind of the opposite of the concept of expertise.
