So, I had a few friends up this past weekend. We saw a hockey game and one of them, lives in Boston, and he has his PhD in chemistry.
Now, some background information about myself. I’ve never gone to college or university, I barely graduated high school. I have a great job. I consider myself a pretty smart girl, but I’m no rocket scientist.
The problem is, he’s…interested. In me. And he said so. But, I just feel he’s so much smarter than I, we just wouldn’t be able to click. Some of the things he says just totally bewilders me. So, while I’m impressed by his knowledge, I’m also terribly intimidated by it.
So I told him that, well, “I’m too stupid to date you.” And that seemed to be that.
Maybe I made the wrong choice? What do you all think?
Thaaats okay. You wouldn’t WANT to date me. I’m married and have twin boys.
Oh {sheepishly} I see, it’s not about me.
I’d give the guy a chance. It’s not HIS fault he’s brainy. If you connect, you connect. If not, move along, there are other fish in the sea.
But are you selling yourself short? Is a piece of paper that you don’t have the sum total of your worth?
My grandma absolutely threw me for a loop once. She maybe had a highschool education. Mom and I were talking about making, I dunno, pizza dough or something and Mom said ''That flour won’t work well".
And Grandma said “That’s right, it’s got too much gleutin.”
Ya coulda knocked me over with a feather.
{Graucho Marx}Ya don’t need a PhD to have Chemistry{/Graucho Marx}
I agree with Unintentionally (can I call you by your first name? ). You shouldn’t assume that, because someone has a Ph.D, they can’t “click” with others. Why, my dad has a Ph.D, and my mom “barely finished high school,” and they’ve been married for 34 years now!
Speaking a little from the other side now (slowly and slowly, I inch towards finishing my own doctorate), I’ve had well-meaning women friends tell me I shouldn’t mention to dates that I am working on a D.Phil, or went to school at “X University”, because I shouldn’t “intimidate” them. I sincerely hope that isn’t the case. After all, it’s part of my life and career. Should I be hiding that part of myself? (Not a rhetorical question, BTW.)
Amusing related anecdote. A while back, I was on an Internet dating service, and one of the questions was “level of education.” I put down “Ph.D work or higher.” A few weeks later I got a breathless e-mail from a lady who asked, among other things, “What field are you working in?” “Fundraising,” I chirpily answered back. I never heard back from her, of course. I bet she wouldn’t have gone for one of those sucky “family doctors,” either…
My first inclination is to give the guy a chance. You may find that you click on so many other levels, that the educational thing won’t make much of a difference. It’s also a chance for some of his brains to rub off on you. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
It REALLY depends on how wrapped up he is in his field.
It’s very easy for scientists to get totally wrapped up in what they do. Thus there is a reason for why a lot of scientists marry other scientists. It’s not really an intellegence issue, it’s more of a matter of being able to share really cool highly technical information you just learned.
It is a communication and shared experience issue. If the guy isn’t totally focused and uberhardcore then you shouldn’t have too much trouble either zoning out during the “oh this highly technical and controvesial journal article is sooooo cool!” sharing episodes.
Personally I’ve noticed quite a change in my personality since I started working in science. Look at the bulk of what I say/rant about here… The vast majority of it relates back to my work. Why? Because even though I’m only a junior technician THIS IS ALL I DO! Every bloody moment I’m awake I’m thinking about science, my experimental results and planning next week’s schedual.
It all comes down to: can you relate well to each other on other topics? Yes, for a PhD their research occupies a lot of their mind… but they should still have balance in their life.
As a side: Gluten in pizza crust is a BIG deal. Too much and your pizza crust is all hard and nasty. Too little and it’s all limp and chewey. Try tossing your pizza dough, it breaks down the gluten. (I worked in a pizza place for a few summers–I make a MEAN stuffed pizza)
My mother did not finish high school. My father has a degree. I likewise have a degree and work as a molecular biologist.
I turn to my mother for advice before I would turn to my father.
some smart guys like to get away from talking about dull crap all day… just show him a good time… he will be happy…
but I guess you made the wrong choice because you are stupid…
oh well…
Good Lord, you need to hang out with more PhDs. I swear to God, I know some people with PhDs who are dumber than a box of rocks. I know people who didn’t graduate from high school who are as smart as can be. The piece of paper measures how much schooling you have, not how smart you are.
Well, I’m about 3/5 of the way through a PhD, and I have a long history of dating guys with no college degree. And one of the ones who did have a degree was as dumb as a box of rocks. Academics aren’t everything.
I think if he’s interested in you, he’s already made the judgment that you’re smart enough for him.
My husband has no college degree, but is one of the smartest people I have EVER met; he understands how big computers work. I mean BIG computers, the kind that will someday take over the world. Me, I have most of a college degree from a well-respected (if tuition cost is any indication) institution, but find myself constantly out-brained by him. Especially when it comes to playing Scrabble. I mean, I scored over 450 points and he STILL beat me! Talk about adding insult to injury!! Plus he balances the checkbook to the penny without a calculator. I HATE him sometimes. :mad:
OTOH, my ex-husband has the PhD and teaches at a highly respected institution of higher learning, but doesn’t have the common sense to come in out of the rain most of the time. Has never grasped the concept that he doesn’t have to own EVERY book in the world. (He’s at 15,000 volumes and counting.) Takes “eccentric” to a whole new level.
Education level doesn’t matter. Don’t let the fact that somebody has a Piled Higher and Deeper detract from him being nice. Who knows, he may be dumb as a box of rocks, as Fretful Porpentine suggested. Or he may just be a really Nice Guy. Give him a chance.
Mr. Ladydisco often discusses robots, robotics and roboflkenrwlls to the point where my eyes glaze over and I can only give him a blank stare and blink. But there are areas where I know a lot more than he does. Everyone has different intellectual strenths. ‘Smart’ can cover a broad range qualities…not just math/science/philosophy etc.
If he patronizing, then you’ll have a problem. But if not, I say give him a chance.
Anyway, if he this guy was so intelligent & mature, he would have a snappy comeback to something like what you said, “I’m too stupid to date you” & you’d be going out with him now.
ladydisco has a great point there. When my wife and I got together all those many years ago, she was … let’s just say she had a lot of growing and learning to do yet.
She consatantly complained that I made her feel dumb, etc. etc.
Well, now she’s about to graduate from college with a BA and associates, and she found her niche’. I have always been well-versed in many things, but where her interests lie, I can barely hold a conversation with her.
). You shouldn’t assume that, because someone has a Ph.D, they can’t “click” with others. Why, my dad has a Ph.D, and my mom “barely finished high school,” and they’ve been married for 34 years now!