If you don’t have a SO just answer about previous SOs or desired future SOs. (Heh, since I’m single, I’m not gonna leave myself out of this thread.:))
1.) Can you speak openly with your SO about the hotness of other people?
2.) Would your SO mind at all if you complimented someone of the opposite sex (or if gay, same sex) on their appearance?
3.) How important is a higher education level in your SO?
To answer my own questions:
1.) I’ve only had one GF that was truly comfortable with this. And quite frankly, I loved it. So liberating.
2.) I don’t think I’ve evr had a GF who had a problem with this. Well, except for my ex wife.
3.) No important. As long as they can hold a conversation.
Yes. In a spirit of fairness I often point out hunky beach dudes for her to ogle as well.
She doesn’t mind at all.
I have an SO of slightly higher educational attainment and similar degree of intellectualism to myself. I really like the way that works out. I’d expect the same of any replacement SO, where it ever to come to that*.
Unless she was about 19 & really into sex with guys my age (upper mid 50s). Then I can forgive almost any shortcomings she might have. At least for a few months until I get bored.
I suppose. Don’t do it much. 23 years in, it would be a little weird.
No.
Higher educational level not important, intelligence is. I think it would be hard to be paired with an SO who was at an extremely different intelligence level.
If you don’t have a SO just answer about previous SOs or desired future SOs. (Heh, since I’m single, I’m not gonna leave myself out of this thread.:))
1.) Can you speak openly with your SO about the hotness of other people?
Yes.
2.) Would your SO mind at all if you complimented someone of the opposite sex (or if gay, same sex) on their appearance?
Not at all. It’s fun! (Same true in reverse.) As with question #1, this comes down to trust.
3.) How important is a higher education level in your SO?
Formal higher education? Not important. Self-educated people are often much more interesting and on balance smarter in ways that ultimately are most important to me.
1.) Can you speak openly with your SO about the hotness of other people?
Eh. I’m a guy, my best friend is a woman. I share with my wife that my friend dates idiots and losers. My wife and I don’t understand it and my wife has said that’s crazy since my friend is so beautiful and intelligent. Current lover of my friend has been divorced 4 times, is poor as a church mouse and is ten years older with health problems. I could go on… the last time my friend and I hung out, her guy was in JAIL for a DUI. This does not speak well to my friends intelligence. Bugs me.
Now that that’s off my chest, no point in talking about others. Say around the pool on vacation, I know the guy is smoking hot, or the girl in the perfect swimsuit. So does she.
My wife is an IronMan triathlete, I’m becoming her somewhat flabby Sherpa. Though I kick ass in volleyball. And there are plenty of 'babe’s and ‘hunks’ playing too. Makes my 55 year old self smile, even when limping back to the hotel room.
2.) Would your SO mind at all if you complimented someone of the opposite sex (or if gay, same sex) on their appearance?
Not at all. “You look great!”
3.) How important is a higher education level in your SO?
Higher education means nothing. Intelligence does. That goes hand in hand with a good sense of humor of course. Hard to have one with out the other.
We joke about celebrities, but generally not about people around us unless it’s an intergal part of the conversation.
Not at all, unless it was some kind of come-on.
The rules I set out long ago is that they have to speak English and have finished a 4-year degree. I’m sure the is some flexibility in there, but in the coastal US, at least, having an undergrad degree is a basic sign of having your act together in some kind of basic way. I’m a pretty driven person, and I can’t imagine a person who is similarly forward-moving not picking up a degree or two somewhere, at some point.
1.) Can you speak openly with your SO about the hotness of other people?
Pretty much, yes. She’s pretty insecure about how she looks, so I try very hard to make any statements non-comparative. So I would feel (mostly) comfortable saying “That woman is hot” but there’s no way in hell I’d say - or even imply - “That woman is hotter than you.” I doubt she’d freak out or anything, but it’s not worth poking a sore point.
Of course, whenever she makes comments about other people, it’s almost always in comparison to herself. For example, her “pretty daughter” is the one who looks nothing like her.
2.) Would your SO mind at all if you complimented someone of the opposite sex (or if gay, same sex) on their appearance?
She wouldn’t mind in principle. However… I make a habit of not complimenting people on physical appearance. It’s such a shallow thing to compliment someone on. “You got the randomly selected better half of your parents genes!” “You picked those shoes off a store shelf all by yourself?”
If I’m going to give you a compliment you, I’ll find something that matters. So given that tendency in myself, my wife might be a little surprised if I did compliment someone’s appearance.
3.) How important is a higher education level in your SO?
Not so important. I want someone that I can have an intelligence conversation with, but when it comes to that kind of intelligence, I’ve known some dumb PhD’s and some smart high school drop outs. I also want an SO who’s capable of achieving what she sets out to achieve (both in terms of follow-through and realistic goal setting). So given a choice between a finished AA and an unfinished BA, I’d tend to view the former person a little more favorably.
My SO has been a little busy over the past 19 years with his military career. He just finished his BA after starting 14 years ago (deployments got in his way). So I can think of at least one person who is forward-moving yet didn’t quite manage to pick up a degree until well after we got together.
It is not my habit to do this, but I think she would okay with it.
Not lack of degrees, lack of intelligence would be a deal breaker. Just for the record, my wife of 51 years has a couple of master’s, but is extremely intelligent. But it is not the degrees that matter.
Your husband started his career in different times, and I think context is important here. I live in a region where 23% of people hold graduate or professional degrees, and professional opportunities are severly limited for non-degree holders. And with 19 colleges and universities in the city alone, and many professional jobs (including our largest employer) offering tuition benefits, it’s pretty rare for a truly ambitious person not to take that step.
I think things have also changed a lot with online education. University of Maryland University College has enough people graduating in Kandahar to hold a ceremony there. I’ve had friends do coursework while posted as Peace Corps volunteers in remote parts of Africa. My husband was able to complete most of his MBA online while juggling a full time job and new baby. All of my grad school classes were at night.
I’m always moving towards something. And while that “something” doesn’t have to be a degree, if a person doesn’t have one, it seems like an obvious choice, around here at least.
It’s somewhat important, but intellect and common sense are very important. I’ve known enough people with multiple degrees who are as dumb as a box of rocks to know better than to say higher education makes you smarter.
Let me add that it helps to have known said SO for 25 years. The first 5, I would have said no to 1 and 2.
The Bestest Boyfriend; my younger brother and his fiancée; my parents; my paternal grandparents:
Yes.
No.
Other guys I’ve dated,
No.
Yes.
My other brother and his wife; my maternal grandparents:
No.
No.
As for 3, the only one for whom it was a requirement is my sister in law, but the rest of us all want someone with interests similar to ours. That includes curiosity and the ability to share knowledge. Little Bro and his fiancée are always studying something or other (right now she’s working on a teaching certificate and he’s starting an MBA); my parents had thousands of books; the Bestest Boyfriend and I were both very much into science, science fiction and fantasy.
Briefly. I commented on how amazing Dana Delany looked at the age of 50 in Body of Proof one time too many…
If there’s something different about them, she would expect me to compliment them (hey, I like your hair/that dress is amazing/wow, those gauges are… really big). However, if it’s every time, see above.
Yes. In fact we’ve seen women where she has just said, without turning to me, “Go ahead and oogle - if you don’t I’m calling the funeral home”.
No. Done it before and figure I’ll do it again. Facts are facts and being social and honest doesn’t mean I’m on a lech.
Doesn’t quite apply? I’m more educated but she earns more by quite a bit and may be a little better read. We just fit well; sheepskins never worked their way into the equation.
1.) Can you speak openly with your SO about the hotness of other people?
Yes, we talk all the time about it. I have no problem saying, “he was cute,” when someone walks by, and he knows all of the actors I find hot. And I have been known to point out a particularly hot female ass to him.
2.) Would your SO mind at all if you complimented someone of the opposite sex (or if gay, same sex) on their appearance?
Nope. We’ve been together a long time and are very comfortable with it.
3.) How important is a higher education level in your SO?
I used to think it was a lot more important than I do now. Now what is most important, right behind a sense of humor, is critical thinking. They don’t need to be a brainaic but they do need to have a healthy amount of skepticism.
ETA: Saying “that man/woman is hotter than you” is pretty rude even if it’s true. There are lots of men hotter than him! But he is the one I took home.
I don’t think so, though it hard to say for sure as I was raised with the belief that commenting on someone else’s appearance is rude and shallow, so I generally keep my opinions about that to myself.
Intelligence is more important than education, though a level of education similar to my own certainly helps in making conversation.
At least for a few months until I get bored.