I foretold the fall of Astrogirl! And she's not thrilled or pleased!

So, I’m in the office with Tommy Two Ties yesterday, busily doing a final proofreading on our book when Astrogirl shows up. She comes in with a cheery “Good morning!” and comes around the table to kiss me…

Kiss kiss… smooch smooch…

She steps back, and I give her a once-over… DAMN! She’s looking hot! Too bad I have to work…

WAIT! What the hell is that? She’s wearing… platform shoes! Nay, PLATFORM shoes! I’m talking five-inch thick platform shoes! My Astrogirl is artificially about a half a foot taller than I am used to! [sup]This changes everything! When I kissed her standing, the postion was all wrong, a friendly grope felt wrong! No! This is not right![/sup]

Suffice it to say that there was some discussion of said platform shoes, along with some giggles and some teasing, but Astrogirl said, “They’re fashionable!” They are… here, anyways… and “They were cheap! 5000 won! (about $4.50 or so)” So, OK…

Astrogirl stayed a couple of hours, and then left to meet a friend. “Be careful!” I said jokingly, “Don’t fall off of your shoes!” “Yeah, yeah!” she said as she stilted her way out the door…
So, this morning, Astrogirl came to my house as I was cooking breakfast, wearing normal shoes and a minidress… again, I gave her the once-over: DAMN! She’s looking HOT! I’m glad I don’t have to work today… wait! What the hell?

Astrogirl’s legs were all banged up! Bruises, scabs, etc.:eek:

“What happened?” I said.

She laughed and told me the story:

Seems that last night, after meeting her friend, she was on her way home on the bus. It was a fairly long bus trip, so she fell asleep in her seat… the bus had a fender-bender with a car (nothing serious, no one hurt or anything), and the bus had to stop and unload all of the passengers to catch another bus (the bus had to stay there while the cops investigated, or something…). So Astrogirl, groggy with sleep, stumbled towards the bus door on her 5 inch platform shoes… as she started to go down the three steps to leave the bus, she caught her shoe on something, and went ass over teakettle down the steps!

Humiliated, bruised, and bleeding in a few places, she picked herself up from the sidewalk, trying to save her dignity… only to find that her unintentional experiment with gravity had ripped the straps off of BOTH of her platform shoes! (Never buy cheap shoes, ladies!)

She ended up borowing the bus driver’s shoes in order to avoid walking home barefoot! (most bus drivers here go to work in street shoes, but once on the bus, change into slippers or flip-flops…) So she walked home wearing the bus driver’s flip-flops and had to return them this morning!!

I won the title of “Iron Jaw” as she told me this, and was able to make apropriate sounding condolences until she went home tonight, but:

From now on, everytime she calls me “Straw-Man” (DON’T ask!), she’s going to be “Bus driver’s shoes girl”!:slight_smile:

See, if you were my boyfriend, I would be mad at you for jinxing me. Certainly it’s your fault, somehow. :smiley:

Yes, all your fault.

It’s a proven fact that once someone utters the phrase, “Falling off your/my shoes” it is destined to happen.

The first lesson a man learns after spending more than fifteen minutes with a woman is that, no matter what, when, where or how something happens, it is always the guy’s fault. Simple fact of life, deal with it.

You should explain ‘StrawMan’ because the explaination I have come up with in my mind has got to be worse than the real one.

Yeah, tell me about it. I’m just trying to figure out how exactly he broke the camel’s back…

Of course it was my fault! EVERYTHING is my fault! (I’m a good boyfriend!) When I am right about something, I immediately appologize… (saves a lot of strife and trouble;) (Single guys: write this down! :slight_smile: ))

OK, the “Straw-Man” incident:

Several months ago, AG and I, having just eaten lunch in our favorite restaurant, spontaneously decided to get coffee in a Starbuck’s rip-off (“Rosebud”… they even have a symbol that is nearly identical to the Starbucks symbol, and would cause a lawsuit in the US…). I ordered a mocha, AG ordered a caramel frappachino (is that spelled right?)…

Our coffee came to the table while I was busy doing something or other (so I wasn’t paying attention), and AG (who loves straws, even uses one when drinking beer!:eek: ) popped a straw into both of our beverages…

I finished what I was doing (I just remembered: I was winding colored thread onto a spindle! AG had taken up cross-stitching at the time, and I was helping her transfer skeins of colored thread onto spindles…), and looked up. Seeing my coffee sitting on the table, and seeing a straw in it, I subconsciously assumed it was a cold beverage! I bent down and applied my lips to the straw that AG had inserted… (Now, keep in mind that the coffee MAY have cooled, in the few seconds it took to come from the espresso machine to our table, to 211.9999 degrees Fahrenheit… and sucked a BIG slug of LAVA into my mouth!!


I almost spit the mouthfull of scalding coffee into AG’s face, but I remembered my manners in time and swallowed (See? I LOVE this woman!), but I burned the everlivin’ FU** out of my tongue!! And I’m NOT talking about a normal burn here! A month later my tongue STILL hurt when I ate! Even now, maybe 5 months later, there is a numb spot in the middle of my tongue.

AG found this as hilarious as I found her tumble from the platform shoes (no, I didn’t tell her how badly I was burned…). So now, whenever I do anything stupid, she calls me “Straw-Man”…

Now you know!

I’m very happy Astrogirl was not seriously injured from her fall. I fell down the stairs in England this last week, and narrowly missed being crippled. And it is questionable whether I actually have health insurance or not when I am overseas…

Nah, she wasn’t hurt (she’s pretty limber :slight_smile: ), just a few bruises and scrapes…

But still, thank you God that she wasn’t hurt!

Ooh. I didn’t even THINK of that one until you said that. I was thinking “Astroboy . . . OUR Astroboy posted in GD???”

Totally your fault, Astroboy. Tell her we said so! :slight_smile:

Glad she’s OK and only her ego was hurt.


No!!! I don’t post there! (or at least not very often… I have posted there once or twice, trembling each time!)

GD scares me! In THAT place you have to actually post provable facts, or justifiable opinins or risk public flogging! And there are SMART people watching and keeping score!:eek:

Now, I’m pretty smart (I think), but those people scare me!

I prefer THIS forum, where “Because that’s what I heard” is usually good enough…:wink:

I had often been told I was going to fall off of my shoes AND I NEVER DID! Haha haha ha haha!!! I safely teetered my way PAST the big shoe era!!! And I LIKED being 6 feet tall!!! Liked it, I say!!! But then, I was never cursed by a boyfriend, a fearsome curse indeed. No, only my father, and I was protected by my mother’s counter-spell: “Ray, leave her alone”.
The power of mother-love.

All prophets are to be drawn and quartered as the heretics that they are. Shame on you for using your powers for evil. If you really must foretell the future you could post next Fridays winning lottery numbers!

My husband calls fashion the great equalizer. It makes even the most beautiful women look ridiculous.

Platform shoes? Give Astrogirl a few years to wise up. She’ll be wearing Keds again before the decade is out. :slight_smile: