At one point she wanted to talk about my sex life. Last time I talked to her about boys was when I was ten years old.
Most awkward half-hour of my life.
(In her defense, she almost never drinks - an average of one glass of wine a week, to say a blessing over on Friday night. So drunk for her is two or three glasses of wine. But still.)
Oh, that’s awful. I’m embarrased for you, and I don’t even know either of you!
Maybe what she really wanted to talk about was her sex life. Either way, it’s gonna be awkward.
Gotta wonder why she brought it up though.
I still cringe when I remember my mom (also drunk at the time) giving me “the talk”, when I was 10 or so. It’s the one and only time I’ve heard a penis referred to as a “johnny bar”. 
I have never received a drunken call from my mother. I have, however, received a drunken call from my grandmother. She sang me a song and then hung up the phone. I’m glad she didn’t try to talk to me about sex, or I would have been so squicked out my body would have turned into a black hole and absorbed all matter around me.
See, but that’s cute. 
My mother is also a light weight, and not to lie, so am I. I know people say you can’t accidentially get drunk but you totally can. I mean I know I’m drinking but if I’m at a party and I’m chatting away and have a glass of wine in my hand and the stuff is just flowing all of a sudden I sit or stand and whoaaaa. Its mostly a curse of being too social and not paying good enough attention. And no this doesn’t happen a lot so don’t get all worried about the alcoholic thing.
So anyway, the point of this is, Easter is a BIG deal in my family. This past Easter my mom totally got drunk by accident. She thought the fact that her coffee pot was silver was the funniest thing ever in life. Then, the next day she asked me if she ever served dessert and coffee because she couldn’t remember. My boyfriend and a few close friends really enjoyed that show (the hilarious mom show that is) and still talk about it.
“Johnny bar”? I am so using that one.
Reminds of a scene from Absolutely Fabulous in which Edina isn’t sure if she had ‘the talk’ with her daughter.
Eddie: I did tell you the facts of life didn’t I sweetie?
Saffie: If you mean that time you sat on my bed and shook me awake at two in the morning, stoned out of your brain, and slurred into my ear ‘By the way sweetie, people have it off,’ then yes, you told me the facts of life.
Eddie: Oh good, if there are any details you need me to fill in just let me know.
See, it could be worse. 
stifles… stifles… stifles… Bwhaaaaaa!
Oh yeah, johnny bar is definitely entering the ol’ lexicon at number one with a bullet. The little hampster wheels in my brain are just spinning out of control thinking of the possibilities! 
heh heh, I said entering…
I always heard it’s a bad idea to drunk dial. I guess that is especially true if your family members are on speed dial.
The image I’m getting is a round tin of cornbread with a hole cut in the middle of the bottom.
I hope to hell she didn’t tell you to unwrap it and eat it!
I am SO using “johnny bar” now. Totally.
My mom can hold her liquor. She never lets any secrets slip. (Except that one time she told me she had the amnio done because there was a lot in the press when I was a fetus about older mothers and Down’s syndrome, and my dad would have wanted to abort me had I had it. But she was stone cold sober for that one.)
Hey, my mother decided she needed to talk to me about her sex life at one point when we were both sober… :eek:
I’m almost afraid to ask: Did she recomend the “johnny bar” with nuts or plain…?
I don’t even want to know about the ‘tootsie roll center’…
I have gotten schnookered with the mom before. It was nice actually.
See, if I’d been there and we’d had a few drinks together, that would have been so much better. But this was like the normal embarrassment of watching someone drunk do something stupid - only a thousand times worse, because it’s your mother. Nice pleasant white-bread suburban mommy.
I feel like my perception of the world has sort of been tweaked now.
I would be extremely surprised if my mother called me drunk, being that she’s Mormon. I’d be just about as surprised if she were to ever mention anything remotely related to sex, and I would die if she were to ask me about my johnny bar.
Thank you “Bowling for Soup”
I’m sorry a guy picked up the phone
My mind couldn’t leave well enough alone
And after the seventh time he hit *69
He said if he finds me I’ll be dead
But im already in my head
Since hes the one that’s lying with you in your bed
so if I get drunk and call u up
don’t get pissed and don’t hang up
I know its late but its never too late to be
Another last call casualty