Thank you so much for this awkward conversational moment, mom.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

(On preview: Sorry this is long.)

Recently, my wife, daughter, and I had dinner with a friend of ours visiting from out of town. (Let’s call her Debora, because I’m listening to T. Rex at the moment.) My mom was also visiting, so we ended up having dinner with a group of people including Debora, my mother, my brother, and a couple of other local friends who are also friends with Debora.

It was a good time.

Now, my wife and I have been friends with Debora for about 10 years now. We all met shortly before we got married.

And Debora’s an attractive woman, in ways that go beyond physical attractiveness. She’s one of a very few women I could see myself falling for and pursuing, had life circumstances worked out differently. It’s not a missed opportunity – I’m perfectly happy with my wife, and I don’t wish things had worked out differently – but I know myself well enough to recognize the raw materials of significant attraction, and know myself well enough to leave them alone and unrefined. I’m not in love with her, but I could fall in love with her.

And my wife knows this. It’s not an issue, but it’s something we’ve discussed, because why not? (Whether Debora knows this I don’t know. We haven’t discussed it, because why?)

At any rate, on the way home from dinner, my daughter (just about 3 years old) and wife are riding in the back seat, I’m driving, and my mom is in the passenger seat. And at a lull in the conversation, my mom says, “Debora is really gorgeous. Don’t you think so, Marc?”

And I really had no idea how to respond to that. I mean, the honest response is “Heck yeah!” but that seemed a little too enthusiastic. In fact, any quick agreement seemed loaded. It’s not that I don’t think about these things – most guys I know, married or not, have opinions about the attractiveness of women we know.

But I also don’t generally discuss these things outside of controlled circumstances. With my wife? Sure. With other friends? Sure. With my daughter? No. With my mom? Really, I’d rather not.

So I carefully and forcefully answered, “Sure, Debora’s attractive. Don’t you think, hon?”

Punt to my wife! Brilliant!

And the conversation gradually steered toward topics I’m happy to blather on about when my mom and daughter are in the room.

But I bit back what I really wanted to answer: “Mo-oommm!”

2

I love these moments. They not only serve to remind us that we are human [animals], but they also remind us that we have humor in our lives. :slight_smile:

My wife is very attractive, even by standards other than mine, and she has some attractive friends. One time we were riding through town and a very attractive women was walking along the sidewalk, well dressed, voluptuous etc…etc…My head turned slightly - hey I am a man right? And my wife said, “I saw that…” we continued down the road and home to the house. A half hour later, a knock at our door and said woman was standing there…it was Sarah, my wifes coworker :smiley: oops.

3

I’m afraid your Mom is not really good at this embarrassing stuff.

She should have said, over dinner with Debora present “Marc, isn’t Deborah gorgeous? Would you like to have married her?” :eek::(:smack::o

4

Bwhaa, Interrobang!?, I’m so glad that happed to you and not me. :smiley: Oh man, that’s like coming to the corner during a boxing match and getting knocked out by your manager.

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“We both think so, in fact the three of us occasionally hang out in the Jacuzzi together”

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That’s a whole 'nother discussion I’m not going to have with my mom in front of my daughter …

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I share a house with a divorced man who is slightly younger than my dad. This roommate has a pair of daughters who are slightly younger than me. The older daughter, who is divorced, has a teenage son. This teenage son is an avid guitarist, as am I. I suppose it’s worth noting that the daughter has made a career as a professional cook, as I have, though we’ve never worked together. Also, I have never been married or sired any offspring.

So the daughter and grandson happened to be visiting one day, and the teenage son is enthusiastically telling his grandfather/my roommate all about the things he’s been doing musically. And it’s at this point that my roommate turns to me and boisterously exclaims, “Hear that, Rik? How’d you like to have him for a son?”

Judging by the uncomfortable, embarrassed look on his daughter’s face, I assume she heard the question exactly the same way I did: “Hey, why don’t you marry my daughter?”

Whether that’s what he was thinking, I can’t say. I just mumbled, “That would be cool, I guess …”

8

I recently had occasion to take a trip with my 82-yr-old mother that required us to stay in a hotel overnight, as it ws a very long trip. My dad died a few years ago, and a year or so later mom started dating Harold. He’s a nice guy, he’s 91. Mom has to drive everywhere.

So, we get to the hotel at about 2 a.m. I am ready to pass out. Mom, who has slept most of the way (except when she has been singing songs about the states that we are crossing into - a whole 'nother story-) is ready to talk.

As I am trying to fall asleep, she says, “Harold has been getting… amorous. So I told him, 'Harold, I am NOT going to have sex with you. My church frowns on that”.

So, yeah, I did NOT get a whole lot of sleep that night.

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Dude, for as cheesey as it is, that’s actually about as good an ice breaker/excuse as you could ever want to call up the lady and ask her for a date. Assuming you would be interested, obviously.

“Yaknow, sort of an abrupt way to have the idea brought up but…thinking about it I was sort of thinking that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to ask… Would you want to maybe go out for dinner sometime?”

10

I think my mum was talking to one of her friends once about a fart of mine (no, I have no idea how the subject came up). That was pretty bad.

If it’s a big deal, maybe you should take your mum aside in private and have a quiet word…

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Well, I’ve actually known her (and her dad) since I was 17-18 and she was 14 or 15, as we all went to the same church. She was awfully cute back then. Now, 25 years and 150 pounds later … not so much. (Not that I’m any kind of big prize myself, mind you.)

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The only reason moms had children is to that they will have someone to embarass.

13

Oh Lord, my mother claims that’s a trait of Dad’s she doesn’t miss at all. He wasn’t very talkative, in order to talk about something he worried about he needed to be relaxed. So, just as they were getting into bed, fluffing up covers and snuggling in, with her already half in dreamland, the sheep too indistinct to be counted, he’s say something like “you know, I do hope (insert name of teenaged child) isn’t having sex.”

It’s led to a bit of code where when she launches into something at a horribly innapropiate moment, I say “Mom, sheep” and she leaves it for later.

14

That reminds of the time I found out that our next door neighbor and my mom, who were carpooling, would compare notes on how the periods of me and the neighbor’s daughter were going. Mom, I don’t want to hear about J’s periods, and if I did, I’d ask her myself.

Oh, there was that time that Mom discovered my awkward teenage smut stories and decided to bring the topic up while standing outside the mall with my brother.

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I probably would have thrown it back in her face: “Yeah she’s hot!! I’ve fapped while thinking of her MANY times!”

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Voice from the backseat: “Daddy, what’s ‘fapped’ mean? What is ‘fapped’?”

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Fap fap fap!

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I know what fapping is. But I’m pretty sure that’d be a new one for the two-year-old in the carseat.

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An opportunity for education if you ask me… :wink:

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My late Mum could have beaten all your mums at this kind of thing I reckon. She once decided to get into a conversation, well interrogation, about what contraception newly married me was using. On a crowded bus. In response to my unsatisfactory mumbled monosyllabic answers she forged on, getting louder and louder “What about CONDOMS then. You don’t want to have a BABY!”