This is real life, but out of a “Seinfeld” episode.
My daughter had a birthday party for her, given by her friends. Her supervisor was invited as they go out together. Everyone else at the party does not work with my daughter.
OK, my daughter has “shared” certain things about her supervisor and of course all these friends, decided to bring up this and that, in a nice way of course.
Evidently my daughter’s supervisor didn’t see the humor in any of it and didn’t think she should be “sharing” information about her. It was relatively harmless stuff, like the time the supervisor came to work in mismatched stockings and how she wanted a cat and waited so long to get one, and then the cat hated the supervisor.
I recall a similar “Seinfeld” show about Jerry not liking the Dockers commercial, his girlfriend liked. And he told George and Kramer who blabbed.
I hope it doesn’t get to be too big a deal, another reason for keeping your work and private life separate huh?
So what do you think? Do you “share” things with your spouse and friends, you probably shouldn’t
I’d say that’s the essence of it. The things you mentioned could be mildly embarrassing. Now, some folks would tell these stories on themselves, but others might be a bit shy about it, especially when meeting a new group of people. Those with a good social sense would tread lightly (“I think Mary mentioned you have a cat?”) rather than tromp on in (“So Mary said you waited and waited to get a cat, and then it doesn’t like you! Har har!”). I find the friends’ behavior disappointing. They need to learn a bit about discretion, restraint, and sizing people up.
ETA: This has not only made the supervisor uncomfortable in what should have been a relaxed and fun setting, it has also put your daughter in an awkward position. I’ve backed away from friendships with people who just don’t know when to keep their big yaps shut, because I don’t care to be constantly dealing with the mess it makes.
Never tell anybody anything that you don’t want everybody else to know. As a rule, if more than one person knows something it’s not a secret, and even if you tell a trusted person in confidence it always gets out.
No, they didn’t have to tell. But they always do, they have since time immemorial, and will for as long as people exist.
If I were the supervisor, I would wonder what else was said about me, and yes - I would be pissed off.
The friends were idiots and should look up the words discretion and tact.
Your daughter should have nipped this in the bud immediately, or at least been kicking legs under the table until they were black and blue.
Reminds me of a friend, he doesn’t give the slightest thought to what he says in front of other people. Yes, why not share my every failing with these people I just met? Feel free to tell that guy I said he looks like redneck.
I wonder why I dreamt I murdered him once…?
These days I’m more careful what I tell him. But I do tend to assume cofidence too easily; I can see myself being in your position OP.
This! Gossip happens. Heck, you’re lucky if what they tell is halfway accurate! I’ve had people tell “secrets” about me that weren’t true in the slightest!
The best you can do is identify the worst nodes of gossip. That one guy in the Accounting Department who not only always blabs, but lies about things too. Freeze him out. Just don’t talk to him at all, and warn your friends about him too. (It will get back to him eventually. Good!)
Identify the people you trust the most. Tell them more than you would tell others. But remain aware of the possibility – the high probability! – of leaks.
Some of us like to “play the game.” I like to gossip, and I try to do it judiciously. I’m a node in the big grapevine network. I’m somewhat useful to my friends, who can ask me questions and sometimes get helpful answers. I’ve got my nose way inside the tent. And, yeah, often enough I get burned. (And, although I try very hard not to burn others, sometimes it happens.)
Others remain aloof and isolated. They don’t play the game, and don’t talk about others at all. They’re close-mouthed and private. God bless 'em, and the world might be a better place if there were more of 'em. They also tend to be a bit lonely…
I think the supervisor is overreacting a bit. Your daughter didn’t share anything that a normal person would consider confidential; like her sexual history, financial information, frequency of yeast infections, abortions, etc. She has a cat that tolerates her and got dressed in the dark one day. Ho hum stuff.
The items mentioned are lightweight, amusing foibles that friends should be able to share and laugh about in their social or peer group. The problem is that the supervisor is not a true peer so socializing with your administrative superiors needs to be approached cautiously.
The supervisor is being an oversensitive prig, but your daughter is being somewhat foolish to not exercise some commonsense prudence in this scenario.
Your daughter needs to learn the phrase: Termination with extreme prejudice.
I have learned, thru bitter, bitter, experience that NOBODY can be trusted to keep a confidence. If you say “Can you keep this confidential?” and they swear an oath on their children, parents, and all they hold holy,that nothing will pull it out of them, they will rat you out and say “I know, but, I was mad/drunk/my kids…/who knowswhat …” or something. Ask me how I know!