Awe hell, I hate her friends too.
And from what I’ve read, her boyfriend is a colossal bore.
No way dude. Giraffe’s nailed it. It seems you have some issues with the special lady herself-- not just her friends.
Print out this paragraph:
“I do not need her guy friends telling me how ‘great’ she is based on their perception from seeing her a few hours every week all dressed up and on her best behavior. After you watch her gain 50 lbs, have her screech at you for 2 hours because you showed up 5 minutes after some arbitrary deadline, then tell me how ‘cool’ she is.”
Show it to your girlfriend. I guarantee she won’t be ‘cool’ about it.
And by the way, what the hell is wrong with people telling you you have a cool girlfriend? What are you, some sort of dumbass?
Happy
Ding! Ding! Ding!
The problem, msmith537, is that we’ve all met you. The friend’s boyfriend who spends every social event sulking and pouting, determined not to have a good time out of spite. The guy who can’t stand to hear someone say anything nice about/to his girlfriend, because he’s insecure and wants to be the sole source of happiness in her life. The guy who blames his girlfriend for the fact that he can’t get along with her friends.
When you date someone, you date the whole package. Family, friends, job, etc. Of course not every one of each of those are going to be perfect matches. But alice_in_wonderland makes an excellent point – it’s extremely telling that you don’t get along with any of your girlfriend’s friends. That coupled with the nasty remarks about your girlfriend that flowed so easily in your OP makes me think the problem here is you.
[sub]prediction: the OP will now backpedal and explain how he actually gets along with some of his girlfriend’s friends, and was just blowing off steam about a few of them. I’m also hoping for another extremely clever ‘fuck you’ back my way, but that may be asking too much.[/sub]
Somewhere, on another message board, I imagine someone is typing up “My friend’s boyfriend is such a snobbish boring prick.”
“After you watch her gain 50 lbs, have her screech at you for 2 hours because you showed up 5 minutes after some arbitrary deadline, then tell me how “cool” she is.”
“The problem isn’t with my girlfriend.”
These seem like two completely contradictory statements. How can you reconcile or explain this, msmith537? Does she know you feel this way about her or about her friends? Why do you go out with her and her friends if you don’t like them? If she forces you to go out with her and her friends, then why are you still with her? If she read the comments you posted, what do you think her reaction would be? Doyou think she would drop your ass (like she should)? What does she think of your friends?
Please answer these questions. Inquiring minds want to know.
Cnversationally, people tend to find topics that stick to the common ground shared by as many people as possible. If you’re the only one that doesn’t work or go to school with your gf, you’re always going to be the odd one out when they all get together. They have found things that everyone but you are interested in and can relate to. It is not their job to cater to you, but yours to find common ground with them. The onus is on you to find something that you’d like to talk about that they’ll engage with. Movies. Travel. Politics. Sports. Whatever. Surely there’s something there that you can talk about with them, even if you disagree on stuff.
Frankly, it doesn’t sound like you’ve ever tried to relate better to any of them, and simply expected them to strive to draw you out. If you don’t see any reason to talk to these people, bow out of any social get-togethers with them and stick to your guns on it.
I heard that too!
I also heard that he felches cats and eats boogers.
Not to bring sense into the Pit, but if you don’t like your girlfriend’s friends, either don’t hang out with them and do something by yourself or cultivate a group of friends for yourself, so you have someone to hang out with.
Here’s the deal, msmith537: you are, apparently, not a person who enjoys socializing with a wide variety of people: there’s nothing wrong with this, I know many people that are like this. They just don’t find it interesting or amusing to make small talk with people, and the time they are losing when they could be doing things they enjoy grates on their nerves unbearably. From the amount of bile in your post, I daresay that you are on the far side of this spectrum.
Again, nothing wrong with that. But you have to recognze that this is an unusual charecteristic of yours and that it is no more or less the “correct” way to be than all those poeple who do enjoy making small talk with people.
Here’s the first thing you have to decide: are you willing to live with the status quo in order to keep your girlfriend? Only you can answer that, but from the tone of your post, I’d have to guess that the answer is no. . . .that’s a lot of rage to live with.
If you are willing to live with the status quo, accept that you are choosing to do so, that it’s a choice you made freely, an inconvenience that you are willing to accept for the greater good of keeping your girlfriend: it dosen’t make you are martyr or a saint or anything–it’s a choice you are making from purely selfish motives based on what you want.
If you aren’t willing to live with the status quo, this is what you have to do: you have to tell her. “Dear”, you may say, “I’m not a social person. I’m miserable around your friends, and the current level of socializing we are doing is making me miserable. I know I am not your entire world and I don’t WANT to be your entire world. I certainly don’t mind if you go out alone with them. I can amuse myself. But I won’t–I can’t–keep going out with you.” Maybe add “If once every month or so there is a particular event that you want me to attend, I can live with that. But no more.”
This isn’t an ultamatium: you aren’t saying “me or your friends, bitch!” You are just stating what you are willing to do to preserve hte relationship and what you are NOT willing to do. Which is ok: you are allowed to have things you are not willing to do for her: there are things she won’t do for you, either: in fact, one of the things she may not be willing to do is be with someone who won’t socialize with her. Again, a totally acceptable choice.
To sum it up, this is who she is. You can accept it or reject it, but nobody’s done anything wrong and there’s no room for self-rightousness here.
MandaJO, I love reading something that sounds to me like I would’ve written if I wasn’t such a jumbleheaded moron. I like and agree strongly with everything in your post.
msmith537, listen to her, she’s absolutely brilliant!
And it’s not just because I wish I had written it…
The OP sounds like he doesn’t even want to be in this relationship, much less associate with his girlfriend’s friends.
And here I thought this was going to be a rant about being sized up and evaluated by the friends of your girlfriend…a unpleasant and frustrating experience, especially when you’re dealing with a weak-minded partner who takes the advice of friends as if it were Gospel.
Hint: End the relationship.
Actually, I think the other posters are taking issue with just about every post msmith357 makes being derogatory, derisive, or denigrating in some way. Just my opinion, of course.