I'm jealous of my wife (remarkably mild).

The BBQ Pit
1

This has been bothering me for some time - a couple years at least - and things are getting wacky so I just have to get this off my chest.

Have you ever had a good friend or SO or anyone at all close to you who just seemed to shine any time they are out in public? Someone that everybody loves as soon as they meet them?

That’s my wife.

Now I know that this isn’t a bad thing, but after a few years it really starts to make you wonder. I often ask myself, “What is it that I do wrong that keeps people away from me?”

The old adage of “opposites attract” is very true of us. I know I’m not at “nice” or quite as outgoing as she is, but I always feel left out and downright unpopular compared to her.

Everybody loves my wife. Literally. We have many friends who have made no effort to hide their feelings, often saying things like, “If you weren’t married to Gorgon, I’d sweep you right off your feet.”

What is more bothersome about this is they don’t mean just because she’s married, but because it is to me and they know I would kill them if they tried to make a move on her.

One fella recently proffessed his love to her and wrote her a letter about his feelings and asked her to be with him.

These are all people I have known for quite some time.

When I wasn’t with my wife I couldn’t even get a date. I’ve often been told, “You are so lucky she picked you,” as if I didn’t deserve it so good.

My wife is the most wonderful person I know and it drives me batshit.

Hell, she can’t even go to a bar with a bunch of friends without guys handing her their phone numbers and hitting on her.

I don’t want to be grumpy because I’m married to a good woman, I want to be happy about it. But I wanna be a popular kid too, dammit!

From a purely analytical standpoint I find it interesting that I can be bitter over the person I love, relegated to back stage while the masses toss roses at her feet.

I reckon I’ll just have to suck it up and drive on. Yeah, I have it tough.

:rolleyes:

Well, I just had to get that shit out because it’s been building up for a long time. If you read this thread and think I’m a schmuck that wasted your time, fuck you. (Well I had to say it somewhere).

Really though, I’m a lucky guy. Almost too lucky. I reckon it’s just the geek in me playing with my head saying, “Well, if nobody else likes you, at least the popular one does.”

Dammit. Now I feel like a real yutz for whining about it all.

Ah, well.

2

Well, just think of it this way: you may not be as popular as your wife, but think of all those other guys who wish they were you. Furthermore, if they truly don’t understand, based on what they know about you, why your wife is with you, they’re left with one theory:

You must have a gigantic penis.

:wink:

3

You know, I hear Hallmark is hiring.

4

I kind of understand. I have a friend like that. She’s beautiful, she’s brilliant, she’s funny and vivacious and warm and witty and personable and charming and effortlessly stylish, and everyone always wants to be around her. If she wasn’t my best friend, I’d hate her guts for being so damn perfect all the time.

I could blather on about how the fact that your wife chose you is just an indicator of how stupid and blind everyone else is for not seeing the same stuff in you. I could, but I’d rather ask a few questions.

WTF is with your “friends” hitting on your wife? And wtf is with you still calling them your friends? That’s just so incrediblly disrespectful that it boggles the mind. People who truly care about you and are your real friends wouldn’t treat you or your wife that way, and I don’t really understand why she doesn’t tell them to fuck off.

5

Oh Gorgon, you sweetie.

That sounds like a tough situation and I would be annoyed too. I hope she says things like, “I’m lucky to have him!” and tries to include you a lot.

Big hugs.

6

You know, I have to add a hearty “AMEN!” to this. I know that my original reply came off as sort of glib, but I was thinking the same thing. I mean, even if not one of these people actually gives a crap about YOUR feelings, they should respect your wife enough not to disparage the man she loves.

7

I get that sometimes, too. My husband is a popular musician (locally popular) and I swear to Og if I hear “You are SOOOOO lucky to be married to him!!” I’ll punch someone in the face. He attracts people like a lightbulb attracts moths, while I have to get to know people a bit before we warm up to one another. He’s had women in bars offer him money to sleep with them. He gets phone numbers constantly in his tip jar. I always hear how lucky I am to be with him. Frankly, it can get right on your last nerve.

I hear you. While I have a lot of good friends, I’m constantly amazed at how people flock to him. They will literally wait in line at gigs during break time to talk to him. Makes you feel kind of invisible.

8

Yup. My best friend is like that. She’s gorgeous, friendly, sweet, and brilliant. I would hate her if I didn’t love her so much. Sometimes I can’t really figure out why she likes me. It’s not whining, it’s honest puzzlement.

9

that’s probably all you needed to do.
get it off your chest.

but yes, it is kind of rude of your “friends” to try and sabotage your relationship, heck, your marriage!
They obviously do not respect you.
Maybe your wife can help, here, you should tell her how you feel. Maybe she can then take a harder stance, and make it quite clear to your friends she really is not interested, and can they please stop bothering her…

good luck :slight_smile:

10

Gorgon, I feel your pain. I’m considered a fairly cool person… people like me, they think I’m attractive and funny, they want to be my friend. I’ve got nothing on Mr. Amanita. People think I’m being facetious when I say that the man could found a religion, yet he develops a minor cult of personality among those who know him. Women think he is the epitome of the evolved man, a species they’ve never seen in the wild. Men tend to idolize him and want to learn his ways.

Meanwhile, I’m in the background wanting to yell, “Hey, you know the cats leave the room when he farts because it smells so bad!” or “He’s a big pouty baby when he doesn’t get his way.”

It’s tough.

11

Okey-dokey. Thanks all.

auntie em, an astute point. :wink:
As for the friends, it certainly isn’t “sabotage”. While I said earlier that they will not make any moves on pain of death, most of them are folks I know but she knows much better, being as I live in New York and she in Pannsylvania. The one that matters the most is one of my best friends and was the best man at our wedding. He said that while he is afraid I’d kill him and scatter his remains about the globe, I am one of the few people he truly repects, and that is the main reason he would never try anything with the missus.

Zette, quite. Exactly what I mean.

Gazelle from Hell, thank you. From our discussions on the matter, I understand that’s more or less what she does reply with.

12

Oh, I forgot to say- whenever women go on and on about him, I usually tell them they’re more then welcome to him. But I KNOW they’ll be dropping him off on my doorstep soon. After a few nights getting home at 4am from a gig, a few days of practicing the same song over and over and over and over and over and over, and picking up dirty clothes from the floor, he’ll be back. Oh yes. :slight_smile:

13

It’s tough being married to a popular hottie.

14

Amen, brother.

15

Maybe because you aren’t a drain on her energy, and you probably provide her with intelligent, giving adult interraction. Whereas those that flock to her friendliness, and sweetness are drawn to her because they “get” something from her. And you (I’m guessing here) give to her rather than “taking” for the most part.

It can be draining to always be “the bubbly one”. It’s fun most of the time, but if a “bubbly person-magnet type” had bubbly person magnet types for best friends too, there wouldn’t be as pleasant or workable a “yin/yang (sp?)” relationship, imho.

I’m an extrovert (but not gorgeous :slight_smile: ), and the bf is (or was, he’s actually coming out of his shell a bit in his “old age”) an introvert.

To the OP, I bet your wife views you as her rock. Where do you think people like that get their strength and “ooomph” from?

Their good “quiet” friends and loved ones, that’s who. Part of what I do for a living is teach dancing, both at a university level and at many charity functions with large crowds.

If I didn’t know I had my less “on stage” friends and loved ones to fall back on, so to speak, I’d likely be a lot less extroverted and people magnet-y. When I’m “on” I’m a bit of a different person too. I like that person, and my audiences have fun and I enjoy the kinetic energy between me and an audience, but I enjoy my not “on” persona just as well, and that’s the person I can be with my boyfriend and loved ones.

Talk to your wife, I bet she’ll tell you something similar. Just because your way of relating to the world is much quieter and more introverted than hers doesn’t make it less valuable. And since she picked you, I bet she thinks so too.

16

Gorgon, if your/her friends are telling you that you don’t deserve to be with her, you must be an absolute asshole in person … at least, other than the pleasant experience I’ve had with you:) Plus you’re fucking hot, dude. I took one look at you at last year’s NYC gathering and said to myself “Yup, he’s married. Probably straight, too … it just figures.”

You’re straight and taken, and OxyMoron is gay and … well, I dunno about the other part. It’s a trade-off:)

Just because I’m controversial and I like it, why do you or your wife still associate with those people such as Mr. “recently proffessed his love to her and wrote her a letter about his feelings and asked her to be with him.” and all those “If you weren’t married to him I’d go after you” folks? Friends are supposed to be a force for good in your life, not a reason to learn how to shoot a moving target from 300 yards away;)

17

First of all, the OP is one of the most romantic things I’ve read in a while. I mean, you really really REALLY love your wife, and say wonderful things about her which you obviously do not believe are exaggerations.

Going with what CanvasShoes said, sometimes it’s nice (especially in a relationship) to not have to be “on” all the time. I know for myself, I’m a very dominant personality, who’s used to being the one who makes decisions and leads the group. And who do I find attractive? People who take control, and let me step back for a damn change. People I have to lead, or entertain (in your wife’s case), are annoying, and tiring, and instantly lose the kind of respect needed for attraction.

You probably are her rock.

Anyway, just because your friends all want her, does not mean that she necessarily wants them.

18

CanvasShoes, that is a point that I had never considered consciously, but now that you say it, it makes perfect sense. I think it is (proably) very true, and I thank you for the perspective.

Morrigoon, first of all, welcome to the SDMB and thank you for the insightful comments. I would be the very first person to say I am not the “romantic” sort but in a way, I suppose you are right.

’punha, you little devil. :wink: You know, you are such a great guy, I honestly don’t know why you flirt so much.

19

Well, I know you both. And…I rather like you both. :slight_smile:

20

Now I feel bad because I’ve told you your wife is so much cooler than you. But then I think the two of you make a perfect couple-- I’ve said that too.

Acrylic Vessel is a sweetie-- a softy and, well, just so nice. You, my friend, are tough. I think you’d get pissed off after a while if everybody started thinking you were a softy who was just sooooo nice. You would-- admit it.

Plus, you gotta know you’re a hottie. You can’t walk around looking like you do without noticing it. It’s just that, in general, guys make the passes while girls receive them. If you want, I’ll start referring to you as Gorgon Hunk, the Sexinator.