I need a new girlfriend...or do I?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’ve been seeing a girl for the past month and a half. By “seeing,” I mean “fucking.” We haven’t been on a single legitimate date the entire time we’ve been together, all we ever do is have sex and sleep with each other (literally.) And cuddle with each other, and have a lot of playful physical contact. It’s a lot of fun, really. The only problem is that I’m starting to become very annoyed at some things about her.

For one thing, she is completely unable to make any kind of plans with me. We can’t ever arrange to do anything at a set time. I can’t be like “let’s go do X at 5:30 tonight,” because she’s always concerned with other things popping up and interfering with that (in other words, I am not as high a priority in her life as the other activities that she might be doing at that time.)

What are those other activities? They are smoking pot and drinking with her friends. Her friends, especially her best friend, really frustrate me. They are really into drugs (including coke) and are really emotionally-needy, immature, clingy people. When my girlfriend/fuck-buddy hangs out with them, they really seem to drag her down. She always winds up drinking too much and having a bad experience, but she never knows when to stop, and she has no self-restraint whatsoever when she’s around these friends of hers. I really think they lead too wild and crazy a lifestyle, and they need to calm down. They’re in over their heads with drugs and drinking. They can’t do anything without first being high.

Her friends don’t even seem to be particularly nice to her - in fact, they frequently have arguments. I think the only thing that bonds them together is their drug use. But she will always pass up an opportunity to be with me if she can be with her friends instead.

For a long time I was willing to put up with her friends and her bad personal habits because we have an unbelievably amazing sex life. But now I’m starting to want more, and she isn’t willing to give it to me. She won’t give me more emotional committment - that is to say, she would rather get fucked up with her friends than go out and do stuff with me other than sex. In other words, I’m being used for sex. I kind of like it, but I’m also kind of getting tired of it. I want a girlfriend who is less into drugs and drinking (preferably not at all.) I have completely given up drugs in my own life. I’m even considering a career in the police, and I don’t want to have to be around chronic drug users all the time.

I’m now starting to talk to, flirt with, and arrange meetings with other girls - essentially, I’m trying to find someone else. My current girlfriend does not know this, nor do I have any intention of telling her. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to find a girl with the sexual confidence and libido of this girl (especially at this young age - I have heard that women do not reach their sexual confidence until their forties!!!) - maybe I won’t ever have as good sex as I am having right now. But I feel like I’d honestly be willing to sacrifice that for more of an emotional committment. The relationship I’m in does not seem to have the potential to lead to anything more serious. I am a very sensitive, romantic person, and I want someone to share that with - my current girl will have none of it. She hates romance and sensitivity. She admits to being attracted to “assholes.” She makes fun of me and calls me “emo” when I try to be sweet to her. She’s obsessed with maintaining this hard-edged, tough-gangsta-bitch exterior (complete bullshit - in reality she is extremely insecure and vulnerable.) And I’ve really just had enough of it.

2

Yes, you do.

Actually, I was in a very similar situation until a few weeks ago, minus the hard drugs and probably not quite as frequent fucking. The upshot of it was that she was just not ready for a relationship right now (in her words). I think that generally a relationship between someone whose primary focus is partying and acting ‘young’/irresponsible/reckless/rebellious and someone who is not is just not going to pan out.

This girl will not/can not give you what you are looking for.

3

So are you dating her not? How did you guys simply start fucking? I think before you do anything you need to clarify what you guys are. Fuck buddies? Boyfriend/girlfriend? From what you’ve shared it seems more like fuck buddy territory, but if you start getting involved with another woman you should still tell her.
Beyond that, yeah you got the right idea now. Ditch the bitch, you don’t need more drama and bullshit in your life. There are enough good women out there for you to be wasting your time with someone that you don’t really want to be with.

4

That’s not a girlfriend. That’s a fuck buddy. If you want an actual girlfriend, ditch her.

Before you take up with a new chick. Clean breaks are best.

5

[snickers] Ok. you realize how self defeating that is right. :smiley:

I think you already know the right choice here. Prehaps what you really need here is some “Amen brother!”-s

So heres mine if it helps any:

I’ve had my share of “emotinonal-coke-head GFs”

At first, I have to admit. They ARE a lot of fun. Most of the ones I’ve been with are also bisexual. Whcih makes it even that much more fun!

But alas, I got tired of them. Mainly because of all the money I would spend on them going out. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind spending money on the ladies. It’s just that when I did it with these loser coke-head GFs, I always felt so ashamed of myself. It’s almost as if I was paying a prostitute or something. shudders

But yeah, going back to a normal sex life is well “Eh” but it’s certainly worth the trade off when it comes to your own self worth and all that jazz.

Damn! I’m getting old.

6

You sound amazingly confused.

  1. If this girl is your fuck buddy, you are doing it wrong.

  2. If this girl is your girlfriend (which does not appear to be the case, at least on an official, mutual basis), she is really, really bad at it and you should definitely pursue other options.

  1. Regardless of your relationship with this girl, you are obligated to tell her about any new partners you encounter while you’re still “seeing” her. You are further obligated, as long as you continue to have sex with this chick, to inform any future partners of your relationship with her before you sleep with them.

If your plan is to continue looking for someone else while blowing her off entirely, you can dismiss that last bit, although I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t just tell her.

7

I use the term girlfriend to avoid using actual names (yeah I could have made something up.) If by girlfriend some kind of emotional committment is implied, then no, she’s not my legitimate “girlfriend.”

I’m not sleeping with anyone else as long as I’m with her - I’ve made up my mind on that. If it gets at all serious with anyone else, I’m ending this current relationship before continuing with the other one. I don’t want to blow her off entirely, we still have a good time together, and I’m going to enjoy that for what it is. However, if I have to give that up for a more promising relationship with someone else, so be it.

8

I haven’t had to spend any money at all on this current girl - one of the things I like about our thing together (she doesn’t expect to be taken out, wined and dined, etc…) but I would like to take her out, and it seems impossible sometimes because of her inability to hold to plans…she always seems to flake out on me. I’ve had enough of that.

9

In a man vs drugs & druggie friends contest man generally loses. You may be getting all this great free sex, but fullfillment wise after the orgasm is over it’s kinda-sorta like you’re boffing a retarded girl.

10

You know, this sentence is usually followed by something like “she uses up all the hot water in the morning” or “she keeps changing the wallpaper on my computer’s desktop”, not “she mocks my personality and spends most of her time doing drugs.” Up to you if you want to keep fucking her (meaningless sex can be fun), but don’t put off things in your life (friends, work, fun, etc.) for her.

11

I’m not even going to say “she sounds like”, because from your description I can ascertain that she IS - flaky, emotionally and socially retarded. Don’t waste your time pursuing something more with her. There are waaaaay better fish in the sea.

12

For the life of me, I honestly can’t understand how you could make a snap judgment about my character like that from one post. I don’t know why you feel the need to say something mean to me at a time like this. Maybe my issues seem shallow and pointless to you, but I am a real person with real feelings - not just a computer screen. Remember that before you toss around insults.

13

Maybe it comes from the part of your post where you make it pretty clear that you don’t really like this girl all that much, but you have every intention of looking for something better (without telling her, mind you), while still seeing her for the sex. You’re not going to be honest with her until you know if you can move up.

Give this one some serious thought. And maybe see what you’re really trying to do here. You may not have a serious relationship with this girl, but you owe her better than this.

And, by the way, you owe better behavior than this to the girl you want to move up to.

14

I disagree that I “owe her better than this.” I’ve been there for her 100% - giving her rides, taking care of her when she’s drunk or in a bad mood, sleeping with her when she’s lonely at night, seeing her whenever she feels like it. I’ve offered to take her out to dinner at nice restaurants, to movies, to concerts (she almost always flakes out.) I’ve given her nothing but my support and kindness.

It’s JUST NOW that I’m starting to get tired of her negative qualities.

Do not infer facts about my relationship with this girl, please. I think I have a slightly better sense of it than you do.

15

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Away.

16

So, you don’t really like this girl or anything that she does. Well, I guess you like some things she does, but you don’t sound like you like her too much as a person. Or maybe you think you like her as a person, because you haven’t yet learned that what a person does is who they are as a person.

Either way, you apparently believe that you really NEED a girlfriend, and she is convenient for you, so that’s who you’ve set your sights on. But she obviously doesn’t want a relationship with you, so you need to let go. At this point, she knows how you feel, she knows she has you eating out of her hand, and she will continue to use you for sex, rides, caretaking, whatever, until you run away screaming.

Find a nice girl that suits you, or be alone. It’s not that difficult.

17

I didn’t infer anything about your relationship. I wasn’t talking about what you’ve done so far. All I said was that you owe her the honesty not to keep using her for sex or companionship or whatever you’re getting out of it, while you look for something better. You’re either in or you’re out. Or maybe a little of both, but it should be a mutual understanding. She deserves better than that from you, just as a person. And you should be behaving better than that, just as a person.