Goddam it, it’s 6:15 and it’s been pitch black for over an hour. I’m still at work and it feels like it’s midnight. I’m ready to go home, except it’s an hour earlier than it should be. Shit. And I know that I have another two months of days getting shorter, so that by December 21 it will be pitch dark starting at 3:15 in the afternoon. The afternoon, for Crissake! The injury that is winter sucks as it is without adding the insult of daylight savings time.
Also, I bought a new pair of boxer shorts, which I am wearing today. I liked the pattern, checked the size and price, and looked them over. I noticed the button on the fly. What I did NOT notice, since I didn’t even think to fucking look for it, was that there IS NO GODDAM FLY! The execrable buttons are sewn on as decorations. It’s not even like the manufacturer fucked up and kept the damn fly stitched (like pockets on men’s jackets) - apparently, I’m not supposed to pee at all while wearing these idiotic things.
At least if I’m walking home, have to pee and don’t get it out in time, no one will see on account of the fact that it’s dark because of fucking daylight savings time.
I’m too disgruntled to look it up, but if it’s now Eastern Standard Time (in NYC, at any rate), OK, I hate Eastern Standard Time. Whichever it is now, I hate it. HATE IT, I tell you!
And the only effect of turning these shorts around would be that I would be sitting on a button. sigh
I’d read that before, UncleBeer, but thanks for reminding me. The column, along with the letters, was in one or another of the books, IIRC. I still hate this getting dark early crap, although I guess what I hate is the lack of DST.
So, does Cecil have any columns on these damn boxers of mine?
I feel your pain, Cantrip. Before long, it’ll be back to the troglodyte existence: Get up in the dark, work in a windowless office, then go home in the dark.
Maybe your shorts have that basting-stitch thing going on. You pop the first one with a pair of manicure scissors, and the whole thing just pulls out, and your weenie is free!
I walked around for an entire season with the outside pockets of a suitjacket basted shut, thinking that that was the way it was made and that you weren’t supposed to put things in the pockets…keep the shape nice and lean, knowwhatImean?
I finally figured it out, cut 'em open, and now I’m bulging with tissues and Lifesaver rolls and ATM receipts, just like the good little nerd I am.
I’m impressed that a pair of underpants might have this classy feature. How much did you pay for them? As much as I paid for my suit?
(And stop ragging on Standard Time. Our Nation’s Farmers, that .7% of America’s population who rise before dawn to get the oatmeal and Half-and-Half on YOUR breakfast table, think it’s the bee’s knees.)
Come to Tucson and you won’t have this problem any more. Apparently we’re too special for daylight saving time. The big draw back was no extra hour of sleep after the big Halloween party.
But not to worry, it will still get darker here every day and pretty soon it will be getting dark just before dawn.
PS By “this problem” I refer to your DST problem; I’m no help on the boxers; just pull em down when you pee, like every guy I know.
Ike, I thought of that, but (1) this ain’t no basting stitch. When I first found out about this “feature” of the shorts, I tugged and tugged at the fly, to no avail. No basting stitch could have stood up to that abuse (believe me - I really needed to pee at that point). (2) There are indeed two layers of fabric stitched together (giving at least the outward appearance of a working fly). However, the buttons are sewn through both layers, and there are no buttonholes.
In addition to having no fly, when I got undressed last night the shorts had turned my entire self, from navel down to mid-thigh, a sickly blue color from the obviously-in-retrospect non-colorfast dye. Jeez!
$5.99 at Daffy’s (clothing bargains for millionaires, although they let me shop there anyway). I would hope your suit cost more.
Sue, I thought that Indiana also eschewed DST. I’m curious, though, how (well, why, actually, I have a pretty good picture of how) your male friends pull their boxers down at a urinal. I mean, what’s the point? Might as well sit down. Your friends clearly do not have a full appreciation of the perks of their maleness.
Necros, they are designed by a men’s fashion designer, they are a size medium and fit my 34" waist, and I bought three other pair from that rack, all of which have working flies. However, when I mentioned this problem to my wife, she figured that they would shrink like hell in the wash, and then she could wear them. Which is fine with me, as otherwise they will be sacrificed. Maybe an offering to Satan. Whaddaya say, Satan? Is that the kind of offering that will make me a bad-ass warlock?
The male friends I have are few and a little weird. I don’t take anything I hear from them as God’s honest truth. However, just pulling the front down seems a little easier…But as a non-boxer wearing, non-penis owner I don’t really know.
I’m just curious as to who decides if a state has DST?
I’ll be back when I have more info.
I’ll tell you what I think; I think the whole damned world should work on EST. If that means morning in California starts at 11AM and in France at 1AM, and they have to get up and different times and adjust to working 1 to 8 or whatever, tough. It’s far easier for me to keep track of what’s on TV if the rest of the world would just count by EST. Screw DST, too. People should adjust what times they use to cue behaviour. I will work from 8 to 5, and you Denverites can work from 10 to 7. And Australians can work yesterday, or tomorrow, or whatever the hell it is.
Oh, some will suggest using GMT. The hell with that, I don’t live there.
Cantrip, run, don’t walk, to your local department store and get thee many pairs of Prodige boxer briefs. (I assume they sell them in the U.S.) Best men’s underwear in the world. They’re comfortable, have an easily used flap that doesn’t let your schlong fall out, offer excellent support for the boys with squeezing, and look great.
RickJay, you are my new hero. If you run on that platform, I will work tirelessly - during daylight hours on the East Coast, of course - to get you elected. Mayor to start, then Governor, then President, then Self Proclaimed Overlord OF Earth…oh, wait, that’s taken.
bwk, thanks for your support (heh). I have washed them and given them to my wife. I have moved on. I feel good about myself.
“You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
the universe is laughing behind your back.”
