I recall reading an anecdote where Winston Churchill was asked to admire a baby he considered especially repulsive. He stood up from the pram and said: “Well. That is a baby.”
One family member uses ‘that’s a baby-shaped baby’ in such situations.
Tough one. Perhaps you could turn it around and try get them to introduce you to suitable gentlemen?
You could always admit to being “between crushes” at the moment.
In general, though, I think **Green Bean ** gave the best advice - it’s truthful but allows you to skirt around things you might not really want to disclose to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
I’ve been pretending to be religious for awhile now, so I can relate. Like you, I’m not happy about it, but there doesn’t appear to be a good way out. Although, you’re taking it too far when
Hear, hear!
My main impression following the OP was to think, “Man, I’m glad I’m an old fogey.”
Second thought was if you were worried about fibbing to fit in during your regular “giggle breaks,” you might want to try something completely novel like staying at your work station and doing some work. But I’m just an old fogey trying to get some work done over here!
Third thought, what the kiwi said about work friends. By the time you get to be an old fogey, you’ll realize that with a VERY FEW exceptions, the people you are “friendly” with at work are not your friends, and if you weren’t forced to share space with them 5 days a week, you would likely have nothing to do with them - and vice versa. In the workplace, professionalism beats friendship hands down.
Fourth thought, get off my lawn!
It’s funny, if a work friend asked me who I had a crush on (in the context you describe), I would recoil with disgust and discomfort and temporary speechlessness, even though in fact I have (and continue to have) sexual relationships with people.
I just don’t think of that part of my life that way - first, in terms of “crushes,” and second, in terms of something I talk about at work.
I expect it would feel something like it did when I worked with a bunch of women who discussed - to the point of obsession - FAKE TANNING, another subject in which I have no interest whatsoever, and am not able to fake any.
I don’t mean to trivialize the subject, but to me they’re comparable, because these were otherwise decent people whose company I valued (when they weren’t talking about fake tanning, that is). So when the subject came up, I held my tongue, and if pressed directly about my favourite brand of smear-on bronzer, I was confident that (just as with direct questions about my romantic life) their questions were an inappropriate imposition on me, so I had nothing to feel bad about by evading them. It would have been absurd to feign an interest in fake tanning just to get their approval, and I can’t imagine feeling differently if the subject was my romantic interest.
It seems to me like a question about a crush is more difficult to evade than a question about a bronzer, because the crush question cuts so close to such an important part of socially constructed identity. But please be assured that people with active sex lives also refuse to engage with such discussions with co-workers, because your crush (or lack thereof) is none of their business.
Also, there’s something quite romantic about mystery in this subject. If you are not interested in being honest and forthcoming with these people (and why should you?), you could probably evade the questions without being dishonest, and allow them to conjure up some mysterious overseas lover that you’d really rather not be reminded of, or something - that should satisfy their salacious gossipy urges. A lot can be accomplished with a mysterious smile …
For most of my life (until, um, this month) I’ve had no interest in dating anyone. I thought guys were cute, but no interest beyond that. So, you’re not that weird… sort of.
(p.s. asexuality.org is a forum for asexuals. I found them too aggressively so, but it was reassuring to read through)
Sorry I don’t have any real advice.
I suppose I could do that, although I don’t know how interesting it would be.
I tend to get very silly, and probably would have answered with something like, “What? We’re supposed to have a crush? Nobody told me! I didn’t bring my crush! I didn’t know I needed one! I would have stayed up late last night if I’d just known. Can I copy your crush? Please?!”
Done in the style of one of my panicked 5th grade students, it’s either endearing or irritating enough to get people to leave you alone.
Substitute “food” with “puzzles” and you don’t sound too much different from me. I’ve pretty much got no drive for anything else anymore–people can hurt me so I don’t let them near, it’s just not worth it. That’s “aversion” which I think is different from your “disinterest” but it’s just as isolating. I’d enjoy the warmth of being close to people again, but the thought is equally repulsive to me.
I haven’t figured out what to do about it either, but one thing that may help you is to just admit that you are different. Embrace your inner nerd and throw yourself as much as possible into food, politics and cats. I finally quit lying about being “normal” a few years ago and, once people got over me presenting myself as I really am, found myself accepted as the different person I am. And now I don’t have to pretend to care about gossip, pretend to enjoy life or pretend to value other human beings. Because I don’t, and I think people appreciate that honesty at some level.
I think so long as you are polite and friendly, you can excuse yourself from participating in any conversations that don’t interest you.
So, how about that Local Sports Team?
I do. But then, I don’t mind being the odd one at the office.
Me neither! 
<mutters> It’s not like I have a choice…
I would feel really weird confiding ‘crushes’ to co-workers (well, if I wasn’t married already)–even in school, I was too private a person to do that. So I’m going with either Green Bean’s advice, or just gradually working up to something like “oh, I’m too shy to talk about that!”
I really don’t see any point in faking crushes just to fit into a conversation with work friends. Probably if you agree with them that their crushes are, indeed, adorable guys, and gradually tone down your own fake confidings, you’ll soon be able to work your way out of this mess. Good wishes!
Tell them you’re in-between crushes.
I would advise against lying, doesn’t do you any good.
Oh, and “Hi, neighbor!”
Remember that 99% of being a good conversationalist is being a good listener. In this type of superficial conversation, typically these young women are dying to talk about their own crushes. To the extent you are going to fake anything, feign interest. If you can actually sustain a level of interest where you care about your coworker’s flirtation with elevator man, you will be the conversation goddess.
It’s too bad you’re not in South Florida anymore, monstro, because I have a feeling we’d hit it off. You sound a lot like me: from time to time I’ll meet a guy I’m interested in dating, but I don’t drool over every eligible bachelor I pass on the street. And I’m certainly not someone who talks about “crushes.” I was miserable when my boss assigned me to work on a project with a woman who was obsessed with men (I wanted to finish the project and go home, but she wanted to discuss Richard Gere).
That said, I think Green Bean has some really good advice. You can be truthful without calling attention to anything that makes you uncomfortable. If one of your coworkers says, “isn’t [random actor] gorgeous?” you can answer with “yeah, he was great in this one movie I saw. Have you seen it?” If they specifically ask your crushes, just smile and say you don’t discuss your romances. Your feelings are no one’s business but your own unless you decide to share them.
Harriet’s right. Your co-workers are far, far, far more interested in your listening while they talk about their crushes than in hearing about yours.
So, deflect it back. “Tell me more about ________” and variations along that line help, and you still bond with your friends, and you don’t have to lie.