I Hate It Here [God Bless the Oklahoma Legislature]

The BBQ Pit
1

From the people who brought you “Hey Y’all Watch This” and “People Like You Make Jesus Puke” comes the latest thing about this stupid fucking place that makes you want to quit your job and run screaming to the Texas border…

The Oklahoma State Legislature 2009

In the midst of a national economic crisis, only one deliberative body has the balls to cowboy up and git 'er done. Faced with rising unemployment, a precipitously declining revenue stream, collapsing infrastructure, a muslim sleeper agent in the White House, gun grabbers, the homosexual agenda, the Satanic power of the most anti-Christian nation in the world, and school kids who still can’t fucking read, there is only one option.

Ban shit that doesn’t happen.

This legislative season, bring your whole family along for a wild ride into the depths of silly, useless laws.

You’ll flip your wig in freaked-out futility at the new law making it illegal to give a student a bad grade for stating he is a Christian in an assignment which is otherwise A-grade material.

You’ll gape in utter thunderstruckness* at another new law banning abortion for the purpose of gender selection.
*TM

You’ll see up close the brain-meltingly stupid ban on human cloning that has passed the House and is ‘this’ close to Senate approval.

None of this crap has ever, nor will ever, happen here or possibly anwhere else in America? Tough shit. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, hippy. You’re the reason the terrorists are winning.

Hopefully not coming soon to a state near you.

Rated HFSYBGCBSFSZJYA*
*Holy Fucking Shit You Backwards Grassfuckers Can’t Be Fucking Serious, Sweet Zombie Jesus You Are
for ball-shattering stupidity, fiddling while Rome burns, wasted opportunities, rewarded corruption, deliberate misleading of the public, powermad attempts to control everything that everybody does ever, and graphic depictions of phony religiosity disguised as good governance.

With bonus short “Where are Your Fucking Priorities, Motherfuckers?” about a place where the voters will approve a 1% sales tax increase to raise $180 million to improve a 6 year old sports arena so that the local robber barons don’t have to pay out of their own pockets, but won’t approve a 1% sales tax increase to fix the rotted-out roads and bridges.

I Hate It Here

2

May I suggest “thunderstruckedness” as a more mellifluous neologism?

Otherwise, I give your rant 9 out of 10 starts. It was better than Cats. I want to read it again and again.

3

Riffing on Transmetropolitan, or just the purest way of expressing your sentiment? :slight_smile:

4

You’re right, it does scan better. I’m trademarking that one too. You will get a pricipal editor credit. Your residuals checks will come bimonthly.

In other news… Early reviews are in! The trailer is “Better than Cats” enthuses Miller of the SDMB!

5

You know, assuming the law is limited to banning human cloning, and isn’t a backdoor attempt to do something else, I can’t get too worked up about it. Better they spend their time on this then some of the other nastiness they could get up to.

6

Both.

7

Well, I was going to propose a law banning the wearing of flower pots on one’s head while hopping on one leg and slapping one’s neighbor with a herring, but now…

8

You are quite perceptive. The bill specifically bans reproductive human cloning, which is what I find so deliciously laughable, but it also contains language banning cloning for the purpose of embryonic stem cell research. It is a backdoor attempt to get through a portion of a bill that was vetoed last month, then narrowly avoided being overridden. That bill would have made all stem cell research illegal.

Sad that bang in the middle of the good old US of A, it is wise to adopt the same mindset as in a totalitarian state: A government that does nothing instead of doing something really awful is the best we can hope for.

9

Have you contacted your representative about this? Just venting online to us kind of lets your silence imply consent. Even if you’re outweighed a zillion to one by maleducated nutjobs, it’s still worth pretending you live in a representative democracy.

10

Just remember, as you flee for the Texas border, Texas is sometimes called Baja Oklahoma.

Even so, Oklahoma makes Texas look good and that ain’t easy.

11

Not for long. Soon as someone reads the news to Texas legislators, they’ll get right on the case. Nobody, but nobody, out-'tards the Texas Leg.

12

That may not happen here much, but it does happen in India, and is illegal there because it may lead to a gender imbalance. I can’t get angry about that one unless there’s a bunch of back-door legislation buried inside banning abortions for other reasons, or if it’s vaguely worded enough to use as a de facto ban on all abortions.

13

May I siggest you run in any other direction than toward Texas?

Another new law? What did they do, pass one law banning abortion of boy fetuses, and another banning girl ones?

14

India and China, as well. Yes, gender imbalance is a real problem, but the biggest factors contributing to gender selection are absent or nearly so in the US. Namely, shocking poverty, lack of a social safety net, laws limiting family size, and a strong cultural preference for boys, in part due to marriage customs. I would suspect it is infinitesimally rare to nonexistent here. Anybody have numbers? At the risk of painting with too broad a brush, the sort of people in Oklahoma who are most likely to have a strong preference for boys are rural, low income, and more religious. These people also tend to want to have larger families and are less likely to support abortion in general.

The insidious thing about all of these laws are that by speechifying about them, voting on them, and generally making a big deal over them, the politicians are poisoning the well. They help to convince people that horrible (imaginary) things are on the brink of happening or are already here, all their worst fears about the “culture war” are true and that the bad guys are winning.

Before this latest silliness, I had never heard anybody mention any of these issues, because they are just not part of life here. Now, I have heard lengthy discussion of all of them by my well educated co-workers. They are at least well-informed enough to know that human cloning is not currently possible, but I have heard several decry the awful treatment that the atheist school teachers subject poor Christian children to (right here in Oklahoma City!), and a few have gone on about the sorry state of America, now that all those liberals are enabling people to abort perfectly healthy children just because they wanted a different gender. One can only imagine the beliefs of those with less well-honed critical thinking skills.

15

Nah, I talk faggy. Who’s going to listen?

Seriously, I don’t want to get on anybody’s shit list. Or anybody’s list of any kind. People are weirdly active about politics here, at least in the workplace, not so much when it comes to voting. Being heard is another way of exposing yourself.

Besides, another 4 years, at the very most. Unless they try to make me illegal, by name, I can keep my mouth shut and my head down until then. Don’t know what I’ll complain about once I leave.

16

“Some days its just too much trouble to gnaw through the leather straps.”

  • Emo Phillips
17

So send a strongly-worded [del]email[/del] letter. (Sorry, forgot that straight guys in OK don’t use computers. :wink: ) If you misspell some words and use lousy grammar no one will suspect.

18

Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t let gonzomax see this.

19

Family ties for me… what in the world keeps you here Marmot?

And TEXAS?? You really consider that an improvement?

That said, are there any moderate states left? Where should I move to if I want a common sense government? And co-workers that don’t believe everything the rado/tv/internet tells them. Ehh… I think it’s futile.

20

There’s worse suckage than the OP coming out of Oklahoma: Wayman Tisdale (former OU basketball great and superlative smooth jazz musician) has died of cancer. Only 44 years old.