This is my take on it as well.
Mississippienne, you have my sympathy. What a thing to be faced with out of the blue.
I’m also thinking things weren’t all pumpkins and dandelions between the OP and this guy. This just sounds like the last straw.
I suspect this is how it went down.
Miss So-and-so and the OP’s boyfriend had just been communicating with each other via text, about business. She must had texted something that annoyed him. He wanted to vent about with a friend, so he composed that text message. But on accident, he sent it to her because she was the most recent person he’d texted. Which is both stupid and careless, even though not to an unprecedented extent.
But this does sound like this could be a part of a greater pattern of stupidity and carelessness. Is it, Mississippienne? Because to me that would be as much of a dealbreaker as his dishonesty. That the lie was stupidly ill-conceived (Why would you be sending a text message to her using his phone, while he was working? It doesn’t come close to passing the smell test.) in addition to cowardly and disloyal suggests a lack of maturity on his part.
But I don’t think he was purposely trying to hurt you to protect himself; he probably was just hoping that his lie was believable enough to make everything at that moment be okay. Which was wrong and stupid, of course.
No, it doesn’t even begin to pass the sniff test for me. The first instinct you have for someone you are crazy about and dating is not to throw them under the bus.
I don’t even think you should be friends with the guy. He’s not only an immature troublemaker, he’s an immature troublemaker who’s shown that he’s willing to throw you under the bus. You don’t have any long-standing friendship with the guy, he’s friends with someone you’re loyal toom and S probably knows this guy’s story and what he’s like, I doubt he’ll be surprised that B has yet another girl not talking to him.
Just confirm with S “You know I had nothing to do with this, right?” and then go on and enjoy your new home in Queens. (ETA: used to live there BTW … so much fun!)
My husband flies EMS helicopters. It is very common for those companies to have a policy that screwing up may get you called on the carpet, but lying or trying to hide the screw-up is an instant pink slip. I suspect had B owned up, apologized, and sucked up to the boss appropriately he would have been warned and disciplined, but the lying made it a firing offense. How can his boss & co-workers trust him the way a firefighter must trust their teammates when he’s shown himself willing to shift blame to save his own butt from some chewing?
These are lessons people should learn in grade school - the offense is bad enough abut lying about it, especially to knowingly shift blame to an innocent party makes it much worse. That he has reached this point in his life without taking this onboard is a good reason to have serious doubts about him. He has serious issues with responsibility, and even worse, seems to have little concept of cause & effect.
No doubt B was an asshole. But it sounds to me like Miss So and So loves the drama, or else why would she go crying to S about a text he had nothing to do with? She then realized B did it, and figured she could screw him over. If she were really worried about the insubordination and not the revenge, she’d have gone to the Chief immediately and not played phone games, harassing a third party.
Yeah, I’m the father of a teen girl, I deal with this shit on a daily basis.
Damn, y’all are some sanctimonious, judgmental motherfuckers. Dude can’t make a mistake (even a big one) without the whole damned neck-bearded, cankled internet concluding he’s not “relationship material.” That’s fucking lame. Y’all know jack shit about this guy and probably less about relationships (or more specifically, working with the reasonable expectation that your partner in a relationship is likely to make mistakes because he’s human - well maybe not for some of you).
Aside from losing a relationship should she choose to condemn B. for a pretty cowardly dodge, Mississippienne’s “damage” seems pretty mild.
- If S is such a good friend, he’ll believe Mississippienne when she says she had nothing to do with the text (unless she’s given him a reason not to believe her)
- Mississippienne didn’t get “thrown under the bus.” She’s not a firefighter, so her job isn’t in jeopardy. At worst, she got dragged into some shop pettiness at a shop she doesn’t even work at. Absent some other relationship between Mississippienne and Miss So-and-So, this garners a great big, “meh, so the fuck what?”
To sum up, based on this one fucking incident as relayed in an emotional message board post, some of you feel qualified to conclude that B has serious issues. Seriously, that’s are some deluded-ass shit.
To Mississippienne,
This dude might be a real piece of shit or he might have just made a (real bad) mistake. You’re probably smart to give yourself a little space so you can figure this out. The last thing you need to do is take relationship advice from some fucks who don’t know either you or B – and that includes me.
No no, Miss So and So went to the chief. The only way S was involved was peripherally through Mississippienne being dragged in by B lying to cover his immature ass. The only reason he’s even involved in the story is that his is the only opinion Mississippienne seems to care about in the whole mess (quite rightly so in my opinion)
Hi. My name is Sanctimonious Judgmental Motherfucker. Nice to meet you.
You’re miscounting the number of mistakes made here. There are (at least) three. Sending a text like that to a coworker is a really minor, but stupid mistake. Sending the text to the target of your ire – especially when that target is above you in the ranks – is a huge, huge, HUGE mistake and would probably get an awful lot of folks fired in various jobs. Third, and most importantly, after realizing Mistake #2, he immediately pointed the blame at the person who supposedly mattered most to him, consequences be damned. And don’t tell me there weren’t any negative consequences to her. Mississippienne shouldn’t have needed to lift a fucking finger to clear her name.
Temporarily or not, this guy is NOT relationship material, and has a number of other issues he needs to work out as well. He doesn’t appear to be employment material much longer, for one.
I think you’re probably leaving out the part where Ms. So-and-So and B have a history of underlying and ongoing animosity, so, she probably knew it was sent by him but wanted to make sure by asking 'Sippi before she acted on it (she may very well also love the drama). And I don’t know of any enterprise where you get away with calling a superior a bitch on the record.
I’m sure there is an ongoing animosity, but Miss So and So didn’t call 'Sippi, Miss So and So called S.
I got that part confused; MS-A-S called S, but my point still stands.
Horseshit. The only mistake of any real concern to the OP should be his attempt to pin the blame on her. Without that, this thread is never opened. Instead, the OP [hands on hips] tells a MPSIMS audience that a dude she’s crazy about got canned for accidentally sending an insulting text to a superiror and a bunch of waiters, sorry servers, and retail cashiers swap bad-boss stories. Then again, you probably know him so much better than I do, having had like forty-five minutes longer to reflect on the thread.
Are you serious? The only mistake that should concern her? So, nothing your SO does, no matter how foolish, rates with you unless it has some direct and material impact on you? If your boyfriend or girlfriend is arrested for running naked in the streets or cow-tipping (or maybe a combination of the two!), you have no thoughts about whether or not that’s someone you ought to be dating based on their decision-making capabilities?
Horseshit, indeed.
I consider that a really significant issue. The attempt to pin it on anyone is a really significant problem…
I don’t view deliberate choices to lie and avoid responsibility as something minor.
Why is S involved in this, again?
I agree that the damage to the OP is not major, and this is probably what her boyfriend was thinking when he did it. His rationale was probably: “Gee, who’s the one person who is least likely to get in trouble over this and who would most likely have access to my phone? Mississippienne, that’s who”.
What he didn’t account for was 1) the bald-faced stupidity of blaming it on his GF and 2) Miss So-and-So not letting it go.
Dishonesty in this situation is not defensible but it’s not the type of thing that would make me question his integrity or his loyalty for the rest of his life. It would seriously make me question his maturity and smarts, though. So I can’t say I blame the OP for wanting to break up with him for the whole fiasco, but I do think she is taking it more personal than I probably would. The lie was so implausible, there was little chance he’d be believed.
Seriously, add fucking dishonest (or dumb), hyperbolic and unreasonable to your title. I said that of the two gaffes (and there are only two: 1. insulting email to superior; and 2. pinning the blame on the OP), the only one of any “real” concern to the OP is the second. I honestly do not think that every person who does something on par with accidentally sending an insulting text to his superior should have his s/o question whether that person is “relationship material.”
How you get from that to, “So, nothing your SO does, no matter how foolish, rates with you unless it has some direct and material impact on you?” is mystifying. I’ve said nothing of the sort, I have no idea why you would think I had.
I agree, which is of course why I wrote, “This dude might be a real piece of shit or he might have just made a (real bad) mistake.” That still falls far short of concluding that he’s not “relationship material.”
Agreed