No, I’m not an alcoholic. My problem is that I seem incapable of conveying a glass of liquid to my mouth without spilling it, or injuring myself.
Last night, I woke coughing, so I reached for the glass of iced tea I keep by my bed for just such occasions. Courtesy of a broken dishwasher, cups and glasses are at a premium in my household, so I was drinking from a Mason jar. Once again, I misjudged the distance to my mouth and brought the rim of the jar in crashing contact with my teeth. I yelped, and sloshed tea all over the sheets. That made for pleasant sleeping, I’ll tell you-- nice, damp, clammy bedding. (Too tired to get up and change them, plus it would require rousing my Hubby.) I was certain I had cracked a tooth, but woozily, I decided the dentist could wait until morning. Luckily, my enamel remains intact.
This morning, I got ready for work. God knows, I should have learned not to try to wear white, but I just bought this soft, cuddly sweater and it’s chilly this morning. The drink I took gushed from the sides of my mouth and and sloshed onto the sweater. At this point, I noticed that my lovely new sweater, which I got off a clearance rack at an awesome price, is Dry Clean Only. It would actually cost more to clean it than it did to buy it.
I am able to drink from a straw, probably since I was bottle-fed as an infant. For being unable to navigate a glass, I blame my grandmother who gave me sippy-cups until I was seven out of fear I’d spill my drinks on the rug. I just never learned to drink from a glass properly, and now I fear that since I missed out on this crucial stage of childhood development, I’m doomed to always have spots on my shirts.
I reccomend you get a lip piercing. It doesn’t actually make a difference, but most people don’t know that. I blame all my drinking-related mishaps on my lip ring.
I wouldn’t worry just go back to sippy-cups. I have a friend who has a vast range of those coffee travel mugs that keep the coffee hot and have a sliding plastic cover over the mouthpiece. She drinks from them all the time, her explanation being that she drops them frequently. I don’t think any of us think it strange any more.
Or wear dark colors, or patterned shirts (stains show less on those). Don’t wear white, and don’t wear “dry clean only” things except on special occasions. That’s how I handle my drinking problem, and my eating problem too.
I’m thinking of switching to sippy cups for my bedside glass of water, but not because of my drinking problem. The cats sometimes drink out of my bedside glass of water. This wouldn’t be such a big deal if they didn’t spill it so often.
I drink out of Mason jars, too. I find this problem to be inherent in the screw-top lid. I always wear my beverages. The tooth-bashing…that’s just harsh.
Lissa, your OP read like my autobiography would! I deal with this problem by using lidded containers whenver humanly possible. I still knock things over, but they don’t spill as much. And usually, when I miss my mouth, not quite as much comes out as when it’s an uncovered container. PLUS with cold drinks, I use a straw!
I’m fifty. I don’t THINK anyone looks at me funny, but then I’m a programmer (and a bit weird anyway) and may be innured to it by now.
Am I the only one with a mental picture of Robert Hayes in Airplane!?
Anyway. I’ve done the teeth-bashing thing and it never fails to freak me the ruddy hell out. I have sensitive teeth and such an act tends to reverberate throughout my mouth for like twenty minutes, during which time I end up looking like one of those Bugs Bunny characters that just swallowed a whole box of alum.
I’ve sloshed, too. That’s always fun. Usually only when I’m utterly parched and I can’t cram the liquid down my throat fast enough. Most of the time I use a straw or drink from a can (the latter of which is not exempt from sloshing but it certainly cuts down on the incidents).
My problem isn’t so much getting the glass to the mouth as it is getting the liquid down the proper tube. If I’m not paying attention, I end up choking and waving my hands to let people know I’m not dying, just being an idiot with a drinking problem.
Yeah, she was, because if there’s a way to spill it, by golly, I’ll find it.
That’s why Hubby didn’t wake up when I yelped. He’s used to sudden swearing in the middle of the night when Lissa has to get out of the warm bed to fetch the Resolve to clean up yet another glass of tea she has dropped or knocked over.
I was really amazed the first time I saw my dog do this, because she stood up, perfectly balanced on her back feet, and remained standing until she had finished lapping. (She must have discovered that my poorly-designed bedside tables would tilt over if she tried to rest her paws against them.)
[Anecdote With No Relevance To OP] My youngest dog, a Jack Russel Terrier named Sirius wants to drink from glasses, but only if they contain whiskey. Little shit *loves * the stuff. Hubby can’t leave a tumbler with whiskey in it anywhere within his reach, because if he leaves the room, he’ll come back and discover Sirius hurriedly lapping up as much booze as he can get.[/AWNRTO]
Yeah, I’ve got that too, to the point where Hubby once looked at me gravely and asked if perhaps I should see a doctor, because choking that much had to indicate a physical problem.
To take your mind off the matter, here’s an after-dinner tale.
After a banquet, an older gentleman stood up: “Prime Warden, we have just heard some excellent speeches, but I would like to propose a toast, to Absent Friends,” and a hear here rippled along the tables, “including the wine waiter who has not been down this end of the table for over an hour.”
