I have a fear of going to bed.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I had a good friend who hated going to bed, too. He would routinely fall asleep in the living room. Nothing wrong with that. There’s no law that says you have to get into bed at a certain time every night and go to sleep.

I have another friend who reads, then dozes, then reads some more, then dozes some more… all night long.

Do you feel like there’s a “right” way to do this and you can’t? There is no right way. Whatever works for you. If you want to sleep in your car fully clothed, then do it.

Do you get sleepy at night? When you do, what is your inclination? Do you want to sit up and doze in front of the TV, but a voice in your head says you can’t do that? You can do whatever works!

22

I really don’t know what the cause of it is but it happens every night. As soon as I think about going to bed I get heart palpitations.

I may have just thought of something actually. For the last 6 years my dog has been so terrified of every noise that she would often try to cram herself in behind the fish tank (and other places) if she heard anything and then I’d have to go flying out of bed to suddenly tackle a 120 pound, terrified, german shepherd. Since putting her on a pretty extreme discipline program she’s lost all of her fears so she doesn’t do that anymore but I know I’m still waiting to have to spring into action.

But even when she doesn’t sleep in my bedroom, I do still have a lot of anxiety when I start thinking about going to bed.

Also, I know that as soon as I lay down, I’ll just be wide awake again. I’ve a little electronic game that I play when I can’t sleep and that helps sometimes.

23

I know a lot of people with anxiety have trouble going to bed because that’s when all distractions are over, and they’re alone with their thoughts. Do you think this is what is happening for you?

24

Actually, yes. When I go to bed, I just lay there, awake, my thoughts going a mile a minute. I also do a lot of ruminating and sometimes I have to say out loud “stop!”.

25

I used to do that a lot more than I do now; now I tell myself, “I’m not going to worry about that now. I’m going to sleep now.” and eventually your brain gets used to the idea that sleep time is for sleeping, not worrying.

26

Sometimes when I can’t shut off my thoughts when I’m trying to sleep, I just say over and over again in my head in time with my breathing, “no words, no words, no words.” It’s sort of self-hypnosis.

Have you ever been seriously ill or almost died? My friend who hated going to bed and had some serious health problems. He eventually had a heart transplant. To him, lying down in bed was right next to dying.

Were you alone and scared in your bed when you were a child? I was afraid of ghosts and such and would lie in my bed terrified when I was a kid. And in my set of “rules” I couldn’t tell anyone, because then the ghosts would know I was afraid and they’d really get me!

Can you sleep during the day? IOW is it the SLEEPING that scary or the DARK?

Are you afraid when you try to sleep elsewhere… like at a friend’s, at a motel, or even in a different room? Like on your sofa? Or get an air mattress and sleep on it in another room. Look at it as a scientific investigation.

27

I’ve been cursed with the hyper-drive brain problem a few times in the middle of the night.

Sometimes nothing I do can stop it but other times I have done the relaxation technique stuff like clenching my toes and then relaxing them. Then fingers,legs arms etc.

A few times I just forced conscious thought out of my head by mentally repeating sleep,sleep,sleep over and over to myself.

Its kind of like counting sheep but its worked in the past.

28

Lifelong insomniac here. I can relate to how you feel; when I’m in a bad bout of insomnia the thought of trying to go to bed becomes pretty scary. Especially since my husband usually falls asleep (and stays asleep) within minutes of his head hitting the pillow - I end up irrationally angry at him and resentful because he can sleep so easily and I don’t know how!

I still haven’t found a surefire thing that works for me, but there are things that definitely don’t!

I try this, only I never unknowingly fall asleep. It’s a good way to stay up all night reading a book, though! I’ve finished lots of books this way - and then end up looking at the clock 30 minutes before the alarm and thinking “now what?”

This technique creeps me out. It makes me tense up and hyper-aware of my body in a way that I really, really dislike. My husband loves it though. One technique that occasionally works for me is to imagine myself on a big white sheet and to mentally “trace” around my body, as if I was drawing my outline.

[/quote]
A few times I just forced conscious thought out of my head by mentally repeating sleep,sleep,sleep over and over to myself.

Its kind of like counting sheep but its worked in the past.
[/QUOTE]

Sometimes this works, other times the word or phrase I use gets stuck in my head and repeats itself on automatic in a way that I can only describe as mentally painful.

I’ve also tried counting, but since there’s always another number after the one I just thought of, my crazy brain insists on saying it, and then there’s another number, and… let’s just say that my mental sheep have numbered at least 500 before! Now I try and count backwards - start at 200 and go down by 3s or 4s or something. Involves enough thought to hopefully drown out the “mental background noise” and takes a while. Though I get to zero pretty often.

Lately I’ve been using a sleep mask. I was injured and slept in the living room a couple of weeks ago during the day, and used the mask to block out the light. I find it forces me to keep my eyes closed, which is one of my problems; I’m always looking around. My husband gave me three rules of sleep: don’t move, close your eyes, and shut the fuck up. At least the mask takes care of one of those for me!

29

I suffer from insomnia too but it isn’t fear-based. You might try having “going to bed” not be the last thing you do at night if it really is just a fear thing. You could bring a book, turn on the TV, or bring some work to bed and get snuggled under the blanket while you read or watch a show. If you want to bore yourself to sleep get a copy of your insurance policy* and try to read it in bed. You will be zonked out in minutes!
*I work in insurance and I still think it is boring as hell. Trust me, this should knock you right out!

30

I sleep with an eyemask and earplugs (the foam kind)- have for years. Like being in the womb… which might be a relaxing thing or a really terrifying thing.

31

Instrumental music helps me sleep if it’s a slow tempo (I hate when the radio station gets all marchy on me when I’m trying to sleep). I read in bed, too. If I’m really having trouble falling asleep I will focus on and count my breath - slow inhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, brief hold, slow exhale out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, almost always works to get my brain to shut up, repeated as long as necessary. There’s no tv or computer in my bedroom, just radio and books. White noise from a small fan also helps.

Let’s not forget pharmaceuticals: herbally, Passion Flower is good, either tea or capsule, Advil PM works well if I’m achy, and a half a xanax is pretty effective too. Any of the above can lead to a groggy morning though, and none of these should be used every night.

32

I love progressive relaxation, but my husband hates it, too. He’s a tense guy who could desperately use learning to relax, but because he’s so tense, when he tenses up his muscles, they stay tensed up! Meditation worked really well for me learning to relax and sleep better, too - when I was meditating regularly, I’d always fall asleep while meditating in a blissful, deeply relaxed sleep. I know you’re not supposed to fall asleep while meditating, but this was when my anxiety was at its worst, and I’d take sleep any way I could get it. Now if I’m doing a little tossing and turning, I just take a couple of mindful breaths and I’m out like a light again. Your body really does learn the lessons of relaxation if you find methods that work for you.

33

read in bed with soft lamp, needscoffee beat me to it. I recommend fiction, some kind of interesting story, something that can allow a bit of escape for your mind from everything. Try to read until you can barely keep your eyes open - which shouldn’t be too long.
Reading in bed is very relaxing.

34

Can you find some podcasts or audiobooks that are engaging enough to capture your attention, but not so exciting that you can’t drift off to sleep while listening?

35

Have you tried taking something mild like a Benadryl? I have one occasionally when I’m having a particularly anxious spell. I’ll take it every night for about a week then I’ll be back on track for a while.

36

I should mention I’ve had my worst anxiety late at night, right before bed. I will lay there and just about fall asleep when I start focusing on my breathing. Then I worry that I won’t breathe, and the panicking starts. I’m afraid I’ll die in my sleep.

37

I wouldn’t want to take anything because I might need to be suddenly fully awake.

About a month or so ago, I had such a horrible feeling of impending doom that I was sure I was going to die in my sleep. I even wrote a note for whoever was going to find me, saying that I didn’t kill myself, I just died in my sleep.

38

I’m not a doctor and don’t even play one on TV, but as a lifelong sufferer of panic attacks, that’s what this sounds like. When you’re having a panic attack, you can’t talk yourself out of it. It has to do with physical anxiety starting in your body, adrenalin, then your brain interprets the adrenalin as you being in some kind of danger, and then it just snowballs.

I’ve actually gone to the ER on three separate occasions, thinking I was going to die. Reasoning doesn’t work on panic attacks because they don’t originate in the brain. Like an allergy. If you’re allergic to peanuts, there’s no point in trying to talk yourself out of it. Your body reacts and you need a physical solution. You might consider professional help. Or at least google “panic attack” and see what you find. There are physical solutions.

For example, the slow in-breath, hold for a few seconds, and slow out-breath can slow down the adrenalin and thus the physical sensation of terror. I’ve heard that breathing into a paper sack can help, too. The idea is to get your body past the terror. When your body calms down, your brain will stop looking for danger.

For me 1/4 mg of xanax is the only thing that works. I wish it weren’t so, but at least there IS something that works. Lying in bed at night thinking you’re going to die… BTDT… it is NO picnic. And when you wake up in the morning (if you’ve been to sleep), there’s the knowledge that night and bedtime will come AGAIN every night.

Get some help, my friend. You’re not crazy. This is a physical thing.

39

Actually, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is the therapy of choice for anxiety/panic disorders, and talking yourself out of it is kind of what you do.

My credentials - I’m recovered from an anxiety disorder myself, and I’m a co-leader of an anxiety support group in real life.

40

I just plain hate sleeping and wish I could do without. I always feel awful in the morning even when I take my allergy pills.

The only time I get anxious about it though is when I think I’m coming down with something. I somehow got the idea in my head that if I don’t sleep, that little tickle in my throat, and that little hacking cough can’t get any worse.

I’m not afraid of my bed, I just hate it.