Fine, you’re right. MyFootsZZZ, my advice is this: don’t give up. A lot of people have had to deal with shitty jobs that push them to their wit’s ends (including myself). A lot of us are fucked up in the head and have difficulty with things that seem effortless for others (including myself). But you’re not alone - as often as that phrase may be repeated to the point it seems like an empty platitude.
I think if you go the route of government aid (assuming you can even get it, which may or may not be the case) it will make you even more unhappy. As much as a pain in the ass as work can be at times, it’s a way of contributing to the world and affirming your own value in it. Otherwise, a man is just a leech whose burdens the rest of society must bear. My harsh initial response was mostly due to the fact that my impression is that you’re better than that.
I don’t want to belittle your list of complaints with a “me too!”, but I will say that I think a lot of people could say the same things. Personally, it’s not names that are a problem but faces. I’m also absent-minded and disorganized, and extremely uncoordinated. I’ve suspected that I’ve got the type of ADHD where you become hyperfocused because I’m also bad at multi-tasking and become fixated too easy on one thing. I also have a difficult time speaking off the cuff without stammering or cluttering my speech. I suspect my brain’s not all what it should be, but I’m disinterested in getting another label.
I’m fortunate that I have a job where my weaknesses can be overcompensated by my strengths, and I have a supervisor who asks me before assigning me to new tasks (like, he asked if I wanted to do the biannual press conference this year, and I simply told him no and explained why). So my weaknesses don’t really bother me because I don’t feel like they get in the way. But I’m sure if I got put into a position where I couldn’t just cloister myself in my office and work in my own idiosyncratic way, then I would feel quite overwhelmed.
You may qualify for disability but you may do yourself more justice by seeking alternative employment first. Disability is for people who are so disabled that finding and keeping ANY employment is difficult. Do honestly you think you’d fall into this category?
I worked as a kennel attendent when I was in college. Didn’t involve learning, figuring, or reading or writing. Just taking the dogs out to the runs in the mornings, swamping out their cages, bringing them back in and feeding them, taking care of the cats, giving everyone baths who were going home that day, and then leaving. It was physically hard work, don’t get me wrong, and it did involve some interactions with other people (but pretty minimal compared to the other jobs I’ve had). But it was also one of the most less mentally demanding jobs I’ve ever had. There was that sense of satisfaction at the end of the day of having done a good job. If there had been co-workers who were suffering from invisible disabilities, you would have never noticed it. Do you think your anxiety would keep you from doing a job like this? Do you like animals?
Disability, from what I’ve heard, is something that you have to constantly “prove” you need. Are you prepared for having to show how disabled you are every time the case worker comes knocking on your door? And in this economy, I’d be wary of being too dependent on the government for supplying my basic means of survival (I work for the state government and I’m wary!) Programs are getting slashed, and folks who aren’t blind, deaf, and double-amputees are going to be the ones who are scrutinized the most.
Please consider alternative employment. I know how bad mental issues are, but I believe that the context we put ourselves in are sometimes the causative factor. Or at least, exacerbate things. There are non-profit agencies out there that place disabled people into jobs suited to their abilities. If your doctors will back you up when it comes to getting disability, they should back you up when it comes to proving you could benefit from the services of one of these agencies.
I know that not working for me would make things worse, not better. But perhaps this is not true for you.
While there are people who do legitimately need disability, having worked with a number of patients who were on disability, I do agree that some patients seem to feel worse when they don’t feel like they are contributing to society in some way. Even if someone is too disabled to work I do recommend they at least stay engaged in volunteer work or something else that makes them feel useful.
Anxiety disorders in particular have a way of making a person’s world smaller. First you stop working, then you stop leaving the house at all. I’ve seen that kind of thing happen with patients battling anxiety disorders unfortunately. It is a lousy way to live. I’d be very curious about what measures the doctors have tried for the OP’s anxiety.
I notice the OP has said they’ve worked at the same location in various positions for 9 years. Maybe this grocery store is the wrong environment for the OP. I think it’d be worthwhile to try to investigate other alternatives before trying to live off disability for the rest of your life.
Yes, I do. And for those asking, I do love animals.
I’m failing to express how much the anxiety is the focus of the problem. I’m a dishwasher and my anxiety is palpable. I wish I could express how the discomfort of it wears on a person. My brain is completely paralyzed in some social situations. I live in fear.
I also failed to mention I have, and am being treated for ADD, and have some OCD problems. I get in an hour early everyday because I’m afraid of being late. I have a routine every time I go in, I sign in 6 minutes early because, in my mind, starting 6 minutes earlier will get me out of work 6 minutes earlier. When I get a lunch, I don’t eat or sit with anyone, I just wait alone with my phone out checking to see how much time I have left, and worry about how full the sinks are going to be when I get back.
Unpredictable things that happen on a daily basis, (i.e. there’s not enough room for a certain Item that belongs in a certain area, or the hose I work with springs a leak).
My family and my job coach agree the problem would most likely follow me to another job, It’s not the job, it’s me.
You have my sympathy. I don’t think people who live without generalized anxiety really understand how debilitating it can be. I’m glad you have professionals in your life to help you.
Everyone I know personally that I have talked to about this seems to understand why I would make a choice like this. When I express concern that I don’t want to be someone who appears to be abusing the system, they reassure me that they don’t think I would be. It’s not a big secret where I work that I have some major problems.
I’m sorry I don’t have any useful advice but I popped back in just to say I was glad to see you came back to update this thread. Been wondering what’s happened to you. Hang in there, good luck, etc. etc. and let us know how it all works out for you.
If it helps: the people you see around you? The ones you think have their shit so well put-together? Inside, they’re quietly freaking out, too, sometimes. Everybody does, and then everybody wonders how come everyone around them is doing so much better.
Obviously you have at least a basic operating understanding of computers and seem to have little or no anxiety issues with social situations at a distance as you are usually quite active in the discussions you initiate. You are capable of linking to individual posts (something a lot of long time members here still struggle with) and you display better than average grammar and communication skills.
While you may qualify for total disability, unless you are very near to retirement age, you are probably looking at a very long life of living at near poverty level. While that suits some people just fine, if you envision a more comfortable living for yourself, perhaps you should investigate computer based employment that is work from home or that allows telecommuting? Perhaps social services can even help in this area. I am no expert, perhaps partial disability and such a job can go hand in hand?
I am, of course, a heartless conservative and feel that in general, people should be responsible for themselves and pull themselves up and get to work.
However, it seems undeniable to me that there are cases where the issue is not a failure of will, or of character, but genuine inability to perform in a traditional job setting.
How are we to tell the difference? What objective factors separate a lazy bum looking for a free ride from someone who genuinely desires to work but is unable to?
I think there’s one: “… if more than one competent and trained medical professional is of the opinion that you either cannot or should not work…” This, to me, seems like pretty solid evidence that the issues, whatever they stem from, are real and need to be addressed before you try to force yourself to do something that just isn’t working.
So, from a heartless conservative: the disability process is here to help people in precisely your situation. Use it as appropriate.
I can only assure people that I have little to gain for getting SSD. It doesn’t help me get dates, I will be poor, and I will have no satisfaction of giving back to the rest of the world.
There are too many reasons to list why I might need it temporally. But I can only say that I’m REALLY working on myself now.
Bricker, you’re not heartless because you’re a conservative. I really do understand why one may feel the way you do.
It would seem to me that you’re, at minimum, functional.
Aren’t there government programs to help you find employment that works with your disabilities?
It would seem to me that it would behoove the government to find something that fits you rather than toss money at you for decades.
I have to agree with others that your desciption (which I get the sense underplays your problems) seems to indicate a person that could work, but hasn’t found employment that suits you. I wouldn’t give up on finding something.
But, you clearly need the help of somebody who specializes in putting the right person in the right job.
Out of curiosity, have you ever been put on any anti-anxiety medication? I had a few similar symptoms as you: clocking in early, dreading my job (even though it wasn’t pressing in any way) and nearly having a heart attack even at the mere thought of being late. It changed for the better when I was put on some meds, just curious if you ever have before.
I thought I would post because I was approved for disability last May.
It might be helpful for you to know that from my initial filing, to my approval, was about 1 1/2 years. And once I was approved, it was 3 months before I started getting monthly checks, and about 6 months before I got my “back pay” (I had been out of work for 2 years).
You will probably get turned down the first time. Then you should get a lawyer. MAKE SURE you have tons of documentation from medical professionals. Lawyers take disability cases with the expectation of getting a percentage; if they can’t see your case being won, chances are they won’t help you.
Fill out every form you are given, turn everything in on time, and keep in touch with your doctors and lawyer regularly, especially if you start working again (even for just a few hours a week).
Another point of view: whereas it took me about 1 1/2 years to get approved, it took my mother only 3-4 months. However, she had a multiple mini-strokes and was over 55 years old. She also had a helper from the Salvation Army to make sure the papers got filled out and she got to her appointments.
Whatever you decide, good luck!
I agree with some others, if you have multiple doctors willing to complete disability paperwork for you, then that says it all. Go for it, guilt free. That’s one reason we pay taxes - to pay into the system in case we need to rely on it one day. You have worked and paid taxes for years. IMO, don’t feel bad if now you have to utilize one of the services you’ve paid into all these years. Having the safety net of disability might alleviate some of your anxiety, too. My sibling, blind, is on disability, and, she is allowed to receive payments and work - but, can only earn up to a certain amount each year. Once you’re approved, you may still be able to work a part time job.
