Sad, but true. To be more precise, I have anorexia circumannuli: I can’t eat a bite when I’m surrounded by ASSHOLES!
This is for my co-worker (I’m avoiding the word “colleague” here)…
Jesus H. Obese Motherfucking Christ! Leave me the fuck alone! I am skinny. Yes. I know this. You know why I am this thin? Because I CANNOT GET FAT, that’s why. I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want, in any quantity I can manage, and the only discernable fact is that I spend more time taking dumps. I have known this for over 16 years now. How long have you known that you’re an ignorant lard-ass racist (oh yes, he’s a racist too) fuckrag? In stead of pointing those beady little eyes you have in your pusbag of a face towards me, you should take a look at your shadow sometimes. If you walk past a tree, owls wake up and start hunting. Now, I know you’ll never be thin, just as I’ll never be not thin. But nobody, and I mean NOBODY, has to be as fat as you are. You would-be Orson Welles wanna-be fuck-up. And the line “I used to work out a lot” is getting on my nerves too. So, because you once did three push-ups you can now be the human (and I use the term lightly) equivalent of a pregnant hippo? And the horse you rode in on, buddy. The reason you are this fat is because you are constantly stuffing your fat fucking face. Your physical condition is such that after climbing two flights of stairs you break out in a sweat (thank god I’m upwind of you) in normal office conditions (say 70 degrees F). You don’t breathe: you wheeze. And I am the one to comment on when it comes to physical appearance? The only thing that’s narrow about you is your mind.
But the thing what really gets my goat is your endless racist innuendo. I should have named this “Racist Tripe from Lard Mountain”. How can you be so fucking ignorant? Where in the hell did you get your opinions on blacks (this is not the word he uses) when your bloated presence has almost never left the Netherlands? It must be that wife you bought a year ago. Bought, I might add, from Crackers-R-Us, Buttfuck, Ohio. (No offense intended to normal people from Buttfuck, Ohio.) Boy, you must have felt a pang of fear when you saw that my IT-expertise (yeah, computer jockey here) went together with … a mediterranean complexion! :eek: I know you’re still trying to figure out whether I am “really” white and tan easily, or if I am of a mongrel race. Figure all you want, doofus. Like I give a fuck.
And it would help if you were just a little more consistent in your bigotry. You claim to be one quarter jewish, and naturally you dislike Germans and would never want to do business with any of them. (Yeah, those guys from '40-'45 are still ruling with a harsh hand. Never noticed how the Bundestag is filled with 70 year-old brownshirts?) But a day later you claim that all orthodox jews are “nasty” people. Excuse me? Did you read this in the manual that came with the piece of shit Porsche you are driving? You know, that German made Porsche you have to park at least three feet from any obstacle, to enable you to shoehorn your critical-massed ass in and out of? Jerkwad.
And since you started banging (perish the thought) that inbred redneck bitch (did I mention that he married her within six months of a divorce, after meeting her once?), the US of A is the source of All That Is Good. I can’t say anything without you starting with something like “In America…” So fucking what. If you like it so much, leave. Please. I’ll even pay the two tickets it’ll take to let you park your ass in a plane. Just get the hell out of my life.
Backward motherfucking lard-ass redneck pusface felchmaster shit-for-brains hate-mongering stupid douchebag inbred cornholing racist pigfucker wheezing narrow-minded asshole.
Aaaahhh! I feel so much better now. 
SG
“Huh. He tans when you switch on the light.”
– my brother commenting on my tanning potential
