A buddy of mine just informed me that he and his fiance have cancelled their big wedding plans and have opted to do a small civil ceremony instead. This means, he’ll have no need for me as his best man. It also means, more importantly, that I’ll be able to wear normal dress clothes to the wedding and not the tux/kilt combination he was planning on having us wear. I have nothing against kilts, I have nothing against being the best man (especially since I’ll never get another shot at it, I’m sure), what did worry me was his future sister-in-law! She’s a mere 13 (but you would not know it to look at her), and for some strange reason, has developed a major crush on me. Both my buddy and his fiance think that this is funny and try to arrange things so that the two of us are together (FTR, I’m 34 years old). They’ve had a lot of trouble with her of late, so why they’re doing this, I’ve no idea. Apparently, she’s been caught fooling around with a 21 year old guy before. They’d already hinted that they were going to seat me next to her at the reception. So, I’ve been edgy because I’d be there, in the kilt, with her next to me. Did I mention her dad’s a Marine?
So when my buddy tells me tonight that they’ve changed plans, and he says he hopes I’m not disappointed. I managed to not scream “Yippie!” at the top of my lungs when he told me this, but it was tough, let me tell you.
Tuck, I humbly suggest you calmly walk over to your soo-to-be-married friend, say something innocuous like, “Hey, man, you know how you’re always trying to get me and your fiance’s sis to hang out and stuff?”
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Well, hell, man, you’re in Tennessee!!! So what’s the big deal?
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Seriously, it’s bad enough that Miss ‘Physically all too mature at 13’ has the hots for you, but the least you could expect is a little help from her family. If the problems there continue, and the opportunity presents itself, talk with fiancee’s dad, who’s your logical ally in defusing the situation.
Actually, I don’t think he’d do that, because: A.) He’d be beating up the father of his first grandson. and B.) He’d be worried that he’d never be able to get rid of his eldest daughter (she is a bit of a PITA, and I’m surprised my friend ever wanted anything do with her).
Yeah, I don’t have a link, but I can drop an e-mail to the guy and see if he can send me the link. It doesn’t look bad, IIRC Sean Connory’s worn such a combination. (I think he wore it in The Avengers movie, but I’ve done everything I can to block that horrid POS of a film out of my mind that I can’t be certain.)
Linky-link. Not easy to find a copy of that picture, by the way. For some reason, all the websites for the movie were putting their picture-posting money into pictures of Uma Thurman in leather and spandex. Go figure.
Take the offensive. Wander up to her Dad and say that you just can wait until Miss 13 year old is 18, cause you’re going to sweep her off her feet. Then point out that it wouldn’t have been possible without the help of your friend…
At the very least, the results should be fun to watch. I make no guarantees that you’ll remain friends though.
Actually, her dad would probably be happy to hear that! Seeing as how he insisted that my buddy and his fiance move in together as soon as he found out that they were dating.
“Tux-kilt combination”? Do you mean a Prince Charlie jacket, which is the proper formal accesory for the kilt and is worn with a tuxedo shirt and a bow tie? Or a black Argyll jacket, which is almost as spiffy (picture here !)?
This is not some hodge-podge outfit thrown together with a kilt and parts of a tuxedo, this is honest-to-goodness on-purpose formal wear - and is also a hit with the ladies.
As for the 13-year-old little sister…run away. Run far, far away…
BTW - what Connery wore in The Avengers (if I recall correctly) was the full regalia of a Pipe Major, and not what most people who wear the kilt would ever have any reason to wear…
