Some background information. My husband’s best friend is getting married. He wanted my husband to be the best man, and I got asked to be a Bride’s maid.
The bride is childish, petty, inconsiderate and EXTREMELY selfish/spoiled/spoon fed/sheltered by her whole family. She’s also socially inept, in that she can’t read social cues if they bit her on the ass.
She also doen’t seem to care about anyone other than herself, and must be the center of attention at all times. She’ll even lie so she can “be one too” and thus upstage a person. Example: Last night she claimed to have Cherokee heritage, because 3 people out of the 6 in the room claimed it. By the startled look her fiance gave her, I’d say she lied.
I put up with her because I’m her future husband’s friend and although I know he could do much better for a lifemate, I respect that he chose her. By all that’s sacred it’s a monumental task though. Take the fact that she’s asked her close friend, to be her maid of honor… My husband is willing to participate in the ceremony because it’s his friend’s big day.
Problem is, this is my husband’s ex-girlfriend. The one who would punch him in the face, kick him in the crotch, call him worthless, and constantly point out that he could be replaced in a heartbeat. She made HIM cook her meals when he was visiting her at her house, but never returned the favor when she visited his.
The same one who, immediately after SHE broke up with him, told the whole town that he threatened to harm her, and her mother. His whole family heard the breakup, it was loud. His younger brother, who is my husband’s INTENSE rival/cheif hater even said that he made no such threats.
This person seduced all of my husband’s friends she could, and rubbed it in his face. She also actively tried to break up all his friendships and generally ruin his life. I witnessed this, she was still doing it when we began dating, and her recent ex-boyfriend confirmed that she was slandering him, and doing her best to ruin the friendship. Grrrrrrr… (Yes, I do feel protective of him in this instance, and rightly so.) (They were both virgins, and we won’t even go into what she wanted him to do their first time. She was 14. She has no real concept of how relationships should be, I pity her for that.)
As recently as this December, she literally left McDonald’s and finished her meal out in the cold, rather than sit on the other side of the restaurant from us. She does this kind of thing with her other exes too. There are 2 others in our regular crowd.
Then she began to oh-so-subtly put out hints that she had been deeply hurt to the point of lasting trauma by my husband to me. Hinting that he was the one being petty and unwilling to let the past go. Playing the suffering one. Saying sadly “I wish I could still be friends with all my boyfriends” with a mournful sigh, while looking at him. Daring to slander him by her attitude of traumatized mourning to me. I don’t know what she was hoping to accomplish. Me lecturing my husband to “kiss and make up”? The breakup of our marriage? I don’t know, but I seethed, took a deep breath and called her on it.
I sternly confronted her with her past behaivior,(without cussing I’ll add) and bluntly asked her if she had a problem with my husband. She backpedaled, and denied she had any problem. (Though it was obvious she does, and is only participating for the bride’s sake.)
Now for the blast…
ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?!!! WHAT THE FUCK are you thinking when you expect her to walk down the aisle with my husband? Do you REALLY expect that there won’t be negative vibes from her? Do you really think this will make them “kiss and make up”? WHY THE FUCK can’t you respect my husband, and just leave it that he no longer cares one way or the other about her? Why can’t you see that she is still playing the martyred victim, and doesn’t want to stop? Why is this such a hard thing to grasp?
Why can’t you at least have the Groom’s men and Bride’s maids process down the aisle side by side, and not arm in arm? Why can’t you let the married couple walk down the aisle arm in arm, and take the positions appropriate at the alter? (Maid of honor and secondary groomsman first, MOH takes position by Bride, SG a step away. Best Man, and Secondary Maid go down the aisle, SM takes postion by MOH, BM takes position by Groom.)
Don’t you get it, you pathetic whiny baby? If you want a peaceful wedding day, don’t try to force people to be together when one of them has said she couldn’t even stand the thought of giving the other a ride in her car to you just last week,with me as a witness! What is so hard about this concept for your poor, disjointed, weak mind to grasp?
While we’re at it… Just because you are pregnant, and it’s your first time, and you are only 17/almost 18, it doesn’t give you the right to wake your fiance up at all hours of the night “Because you’re lonely, and want to talk.” By the Goddess, that’s ignorant. You know he has to wake up at 4 am to go to work, you know you kept him up until 10pm to be with you. LET THE POOR MAN SLEEP,YOU’RE GONNA KILL HIM!!!
Note: She is very stubborn, and won’t listen to anyone. She lost the services of the first minister yesterday because she refused to say the “Obey” vow. (No problem with this, I see her point. She could have done as her fiance’s mom did though, and said “Love and Honor.” and no more. She could have also turned the word “Obey” into a code word as my husband and I did. It was understood that “Obey” meant Heed/give equal weight to his thoughts and feelings, and that although he did not say it out loud, he vowed it too.) They are pagan, and the minister was christian.
My husband and I asked a big favor of a friend of ours who happens to be an ordained minister, in both the pagan and christian religions. He will perform the kind of ceremony they want. (Disguised pagan, so the christian relations won’t be offended.) She even wanted to go ask him on her own. She had never met him. She did not understand that this was the wrong approach, all she cared about was that he should “pass her inspection.” Never mind that he was our friend, and if he did the favor it would be on our behalf.
Talking to her about your veiwpoint does no good. Our hope is that somehow her fiance can wheedle her into a compromise, or that the minister can convince her a different approach would prevent bad vibes. Fingers crossed…
[Insert your similar/commiserating rants here]