Band name!
I saw a movie on tv where it was “floozin’” this and “floozin’” that. Real potty-mouths.
Occasionally the original is already suitable for tv and is actually funnier (if that’s the intention) than regular cursing. E.g., “Mother pus-bucket!” (Though I don’t know why exactly that’s less offensive than “motherfucker”.)
I really wish I could remember even half of the edits from “Mallrats”. “I hear he takes girls on really cheap dates,” instead of, “I heard he fucks girls in a very uncomfortable place,” is all I remember. One of the worst censor jobs I’ve ever seen.
My favorite, though, is from “Nothing to Lose.”
Tim Robbin’s character: “You’re so beetleheaded!”
Martin Lawrence: “What is beetleheaded?!”
Robbins: “It’s a synonym for stupid!”
Lawrence: “Well, here’s a synonym for procreation: Forget you!”
You can see the monkey-fried clip right here, melon farmers.
I think what he actually said was “monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane.”
I can’t remember when or where I heard it, but it was in the John Mellencamp song Play Guitar on some obscure radio station. The line where John sings “…forget all about that macho shit and learn how to play guitar”, someone had dubbed the word “shit” with “stuff” in a flat, low voice that was pretty obviously not Mr. Mellencamp’s.
I’ve also heard, maybe on the same station, in the Tom Petty tune You Don’t Know How It Feels, where the lyric is “…let me get to the point, lets roll another joint”, the word “joint” replaced with a loud cymbal crash. I guess that was better than trying to replace it with “completely legal cigarette”.
I forgot that AMC censors until watching The Usual Suspects when the line “Give me the keys you cocksucker!” which is uttered several times in a police lineup, becomes “Give me the keys you fairy godmother!” which is just what one of those guys would have certainly said.
In a CBS broadcast of “Coming to America”, the line “one bad mother fucker” was morphed into “one bad mammer jammer!”
Classic.
On the TV version of Scarface, they replaced the line (which I’m paraphrasing from memory), “This town is like one big pussy waiting to get fucked” with “This town is like one big chicken waiting to get plucked”.
I can think of a lot of really bad examples, but two strike me as very weird or ironic.
The very point of The People vs Larry Flynt was how censorship is dumb. In one scene, there is a big rally where Larry says that taking a picture of a mutilated body, such as in a war, can win you an award, but taking a picture of a naked body can get you arrested. He asks the audience which is truly more obscene. On the screen behind him are alternating pictures of naked women and war carnage. The TV censor, naturally, blurred out the women but not the war pictures. I’m thinking that they didn’t quite get it.
Ghostbusters:
"Everything was fine until dickless here shut us down.
“Is this true?”
“It’s true. This man has no dick.”
"Everything was fine until brainless here shut us down.
“Is this true?”
“It’s true. This man is some sort of rodent, we’re not sure which kind.”
'da fried?
Man, I haven’t had mom’s old-fashioned monkey-fried snake in, like, forever.
I’d get it from a fast food joint, but they always [forget] you at the drive-through.
Bwah?!? 
There’s a version of this song in which Tom himself sings “let’s hit another joint” instead of “roll.” Bar-hopping is more radio-safe than pot-smoking, apparently.
One of the movie lines I remember most was watching The Blues Brothers on regular TV.
“I don’t believe it, it’s that shit-box Dodge again!”
“Bastards are ours now!”
became
“I don’t believe it, it’s that screwball Dodge again!”
“Buzzards are ours now!”
At least the lip movements kind of matched… But still.
That was the example I was thinking of. I think it added a nice surreal vibe to that whole scene.
That’s just hilarious 
And from the get go, too, I mean… The People vs Larry Flynt is about the life and tribulations of a porn baron. Nevermind how, but WHY would you try to make a film like that kiddie friendly ?!
And in some edits, “I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots.” becomes “I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City horses.” “Horses” having been copied from the beginning of this line: “Horses? We can’t afford to lose any horses, you dummy!”
In the Amy Winehouse song, “Fuck Me Pumps” (Or is it really F Me pumps? I don’t even know anymore!?) ([del]- [/del]¬) there is a YOUTUBE version that bleeps the “E” in the line “You did too much E.”
This may be the first time in history a single letter has been censored.
I should mention however that I actually didn’t notice it was bleeped until I heard an uncensored version of the song because they had used a “musical” sounding bleep.
That was pretty much my reaction.
Another one that I thought was hilarious was in Good Will Hunting. A couple of the guys were arguing, and one wanted his sandwich from the other guy.
“Give me my burger sandwich!”
“You didn’t even pay for your burger sandwich.”
“I don’t car! Give me my burger sandwich!”
“Fine! Here’s your burger sandwich!”
You know, in Utah there used to be a number of stores that would take your movies and censor them for you to make them something the whole family can enjoy. I think there were rental places too. I have no idea if they still exist.
I’d like to make an opposite business. take G and PG films and modify the words to turn them into R rated movies. Or, when the 2 leads lean in for a kiss, replace it with 3 mins of hardcore porn and then cut back to the couple.
IIRC they did get sued, but I don’t know what the result was.
Lately they’ve been showing The Departed on TV a lot, and I never realized how many times they say “fuck” in the movie until I heard the incredibly annoying, high pitched “freak” and “freakin” replacers (that sound nothing like the actual actors’ voice) on TV.