My oldest turned 18 less than two weeks ago. Yesterday the rest of us (wife and 15 year old daughter) drove the 500km from Toronto to Montreal to move her in to her dorm to start university. Today we had brunch and left her behind for the long drive back home
I believe we have created a kid who is smart, friendly, and resilient. While she will always be our kid, regardless of age, here she starts to stand on her own and start doing those pesky adult things that we all have to deal with.
I have loved the last 18 years - a significant number to those of us Red Sea Pedestrians - and I look forward to the next 36 or even 54 years to see what she makes of her life.
That said, if the secret code word comes, make the drive to ensure kidlet is doing ok. In my case, it was “would you like me to come visit?” was answered “that would be nice.” Which translated into a 5 bell alarm needed immediate parental presence and support. Your child may not need to “break glass” but be attuned to what that cry for help sounds like.
Ah, yes. We had a real code.
With youngest 2 it was a texted number. (Not 911)
The lil’wrekker used it once. It was a semi-emergency. She had flu and was taking too much cough syrup and couldn’t stay awake and wanted chicken nuggets.
We had the OTC cough syrup talk while she ate her nuggets.
My daughter was living/working in Virginia with her then fiancé while he completed his medical residency. She wanted to relocate to western Pennsylvania to be near her dad but it was difficult to house hunt from Virginia.
My gf offered suggested she live with us for a bit. She stayed for 6 months and it was awesome.
Oh, I know. My brother just had his oldest and her fiancé move back in temporarily until they can get possession of their condo and then his youngest is moving back in after he finishes travelling the world for a year in November.
There are about 40 direct flights each day between Toronto and Montreal, I wouldn’t hesitate if she needed me. There is definitely advantages (and disadvantages!) with the near-real-time world of messaging and FaceTime. When I was in university 35 years ago, I probably spoke to my parents once a week or so.
After The Son graduated HS, he technically lived at home as he worked two jobs. He bought himself a truck, and kept working.
(minor insert: we’re talking about a kid who struggled mightily during his grade school and middle school with ADD, which brought incredible thunderstorms over the whole family. The kid was working TWO JOBS! My pride overfloweth!)
One day, he requested to talk to his father and me. He looked terrified, and we thought, “Now what?”
He and some friends wanted to move into an apartment.
Heavy silence.
I said, “We’ve been wondering when you were going to do this.”
He damn near fainted with relief.
We didn’t raise our kids to keep them in the nest forever. It was actually a proud moment for us as parents.
Oh, you don’t know how happy I was when the lil’wrekker changed universities and moved back home to be near me😊.
Even with bf baggage and her drama.
It’s been a fun time being with her again.
If I could live my life over again, the period I would choose would be between my eldest being born and the youngest going off to college. That youngest will be 50 in November.
Just got back from New York dropping my youngest off for college.
SunLass is ready to take her step, but that didn’t make it a lot easier on me or SunWife. The night before we left, we ended up with some salty wet pillowcases. But ultimately we’re happy for her, as much as we’ll miss her, and we’re really excited to see how she’s going to like school - and the city.
SunSon, on the other hand, two and a half years her senior, isn’t quite as ready to sprout wings as his sister, but he’ll be prepared when the time comes. He wants to go for a Masters degree, for which we will support him but not pay his tuition, and he’s earning enough to pay for it himself. By the time he gets his grad degree, he should be up to the challenges of adulting. Some just take a little longer than others.
We have it lucky today. When I was in college, the first two years at least, calls home were once a week from the dorm lobby. When our kids were in college they’d call while walking to classes.
I’m pretty sure we didn’t consider them quite adults when we dropped them off at college. That happened sometime between getting real jobs and having kids of their own. Though for younger daughter it might have been when she got on a plane and headed to Germany for a year abroad, with not nearly enough German.
Still, congrats to the OP. Any empty nest anxiety? We didn’t have a second of it, they were both fine being far from home.
If I didn’t have concerns, I wouldn’t be a parent but overall no anxiety.
Our kids went to sleepover camp where they were away for 7 weeks with a brief 4 hour visit in the middle and the only communication by mail (in later years scanned to email), so we are used to having the kids out of the house for extended periods.
I think it will be harder on our younger daughter who is left behind while older daughter moves into the adult world.
but it was difficult to house hunt from Virginia.