Not make you seem so desperate when you date someone for a relationship
Anyway - my guess - as with everyone else is you are exuding negativity. No matter how much you think you aren’t - you probably are.
I know why you aren’t approaching women - you think you’ll get rejected - so why bother trying. It is infuriating listening to friends who tell you “don’t worry you’ll meet someone” or “she will come along when you least expect it”, “stop trying so hard”, “you aren’t trying hard enough”.
But the fact is people taller than you, uglier than you, dumber than you, and poorer than you get laid every day.
Do something. You are unemployed. Women don’t necessarily care if you don’t have a job, but they want to see that you have a direction, purpose, goal - something where they can think “hey this guy MIGHT be going places.”
Fake it - you can’t just “be yourself”. That hasn’t and doesn’t work for you. It doesn’t mean you have to lie - just be the best version of yourself you can every day that you can muster the energy.
You need to have some confidence. Fake that if you have to.
Look the best you can. Pinot only will you look better, but you will most likely feel better and other people will treat you nicer.
Try not to come off as needy. If you get a date - have a good time, but don’t make it obvious if you like her that you will be asking for a second date. If someone magically appeared and said “I’ll bet you $100 that guy is going to not going to ask you out again” - you are doing it wrong if she is able to confidently say yes. I know this comes across as game playing, but it isn’t (well it isn’t the purpose). Feel free to have a great time and to let her know it, but it shouldn’t be obvious that you are into HER.
6). Have an interest or two or more that she can see you are passionate about.
Be around women. There are a few ways to do this -
you can approach them in public (let’s face it you aren’t going to do this right now, but that is ok - you don’t need to.
You can join dating sites, but then you have to reach out and start up a conversation. Try and commit to at least one real attempt every other day or so.
You can join groups where women will be. Find a meetup group in a subject that interests you and go.
You can’t get a girlfriend or get laid without meeting women. They won’t just show up at your door.
8) It sounds to me like you have depression. In many cases it is treatable. If you can afford it - i know you are unemployed, but see what you can do. There are plenty of $4.00 antidepressants. See if a doc thinks it might help you.
This stuff can be a vicious cycle. You (not necessarily YOU) get depressed - which makes it harder for you to approach women due to low self confidence - which lowers the chances of you getting laid - the lack of which frustrates you - makes you more negative to the point where when you do get a date you aren’t your best self - which leads her to see you as negative and depressed - whereupon she rejects your overtures for a second date which makes you more depressed leading you to do even less - making you contact even fewer women and this makes it seem like things are getting worse and worse - how and the hell am I ever getting out of this slump - no one is ever going to want me - hey pretty ladie - hey I got a second date now I’m so horney I am being too pushy for sex cause I haven’t had it in three years - oops now I was a little too aggresive - crap another one to cross off the list - why even try. And so on.
Jesse, you’re the kind of guy who if you just won the lottery, you wouldn’t be excited because you’d be thinking, “oh I’m just going to lose the ticket on the way to claim the prize,” aren’t you?
You are a self defeatist. You will take any piece of advice, no matter how good, and find that it’s not good enough for you. You have low self esteem and you think you will never amount to anything.
You come in here and try to blab about how life isn’t fair because you aren’t getting any and it’s making you feel terrible. But you’re trying to excuse yourself for your own bad behavior and bad mentality.
My advice? Talk to a counselor. You are unhappy with yourself, and before you try any advice about getting with a woman for a relationship, a hookup, or a conversation you need to get help. Because you aren’t going to be happy even if a woman fell into your lap and threw herself all over you. You hate yourself, and no one is going to love you until you learn to love yourself.
Buck up son. You’re the only one who can make your life any better, not a woman who agrees to have sex with you, and no one here is going to tell you any magic words that are going to make you happy. “No one’s gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong.”
Well, I say you’ve done your best. Given it the old college try, you have. No-one can blame you for just giving up on all this sex/love/marriage/family stuff. It’s not for everybody.
But look on the bright side: You can let yourself go. No need to groom or shower daily. No need to exercise or dress fashionably. You can live the rest of your life in sweatpants for all anyone will notice. Think of all the money, time and aggravation you’ll be spared.
…
When you’re serious about wanting to change your life, start acting like it. Want to be a sad sack for the rest of your life? Then you should expect more of the same.
Be a real shame to waste a life by spending it feeling sorry for yourself for the next 50 years but the choice is yours.
Are you trying to change things by starting this thread? If yes, people will offer help. If no, you’re going to get the same abuse here that you get when you strike out with women.
Jesse, I am 5’6" tall, mostly have been bald since I was about 23 years old. Not really handsome, not rich and all I wear is levis and tee shirts, or in winter maybe a pedleton. Yet I have always gotten laid a lot and still have plenty of offers even though I am a senior citizen.
I doubt I have ever gone more than 2 weekes in my entire adult life.
My secret is that I am friendly and engaging. I am genuinely interested in what others have to say. I practice flirting every chance I get even if I know it is not going anywhere. Just loosen up, be yourself and you will be fine.
So the solution is to go back and do the one thing that’s proven multiple times not to work? Look I appreciate the help but that’s just fucking dumb. There’s no polite way to say it.
So you’re looking for some magical new way to relate to women that you’ve never been exposed to yet? What if that simply doesn’t exist and you have to go back to hard work, effort, and the ability to deal with rejection?
Finding someone isn’t the result of a magic incantation. You need to make yourself an attractive person (both in appearance and attitude) and put yourself in a position to meet women that are interested in the same things that you are. So far you’ve given us no information about what it is about you that is attractive and what you think you can improve, nor how you go about trying to meet women. It’s pretty hard to give any advice when all you present is a sad sack mentality.
If you were to go back and read your own comments you might see that everything people have suggested you’ve said you’ve done before and it won’t work.
If none of these things work for you and all of them work for other people than you really need to come to grips with the fact that what needs to change is you.
Seems like your self sabotaging and until you’re willing to do the work - and it’s work - to make those changes, with the help of a therapist I’d suggest, nothing will work.
No, he doesn’t want to change. He doesn’t want to have to actually do anything. He just wants pussy to come flying at him.
Dude, people are trying to help you here. No woman owes you sex, and if you don’t see that negative attitude you got hanging over you like a cloud, I bet the women you meet do.
If things that work for other people don’t seem to work for you, EVER – the problem is almost certainly YOU. Once you stop thinking you’re a special snowflake and stop your whining and feeling sorry for yourself, then you might stand a chance of getting your head out of your ass and making some positive changes. Until then, continue to enjoy the view *.
*yeah, there was no polite way to say that either.
Like all the other responses here you seem to think that things will magically change if you just do the right steps. Nothing is going to happen unless you are willing to do some work; difficult, uncomfortable work.
Absolutely. IMHO therapy is a two-way street and you get out of it exactly what you put into it. Its excruciatingly painful and hard work. If you want to get anything out of it that is.
