Can I get off any day I want?
I had to ask 
Casey1505 can have my title. I have not proven myself proper to the position, given my poor performance in the SDMB NASCAR Yahoo! Fantasy League. I am, in fact, being beat soundly.
I would in light of these (and other) short comings, like to be reduced to King of Those Who Wait Late Friday Afternoons for Their Mail To Quit Replicating so that They Can Go Home.
See the time stamp of this post.
mmmmm…corndogs.
You’re going to need a monkey butler.
Since your name is Really Not All That Bright I would have to consider you most excellently suited for the job of President. But I must warn you that Esprix is the top runner in the elections, with his particularly strong running mate of Polycarp for vice president.
It’s Polycarp/Esprix.
Which reminds me: When are we holding the Straight Dope Mock Political Convention?
Darn your right, I do feel like a twat now (if I get lucky anyway).
I’d vote for you… but im English so no vote… oh well, you could try for prime minister while you’re at it?
Really Not All That Bright, I don’t really want a job… grumble sounds like they’re all taken anyway grumble grumble but I did want to offer a little advice. While 1000’s of Dopers will understand your party affiliation, millions of Americans might be misled by United Dopers of America… They might think you’re from NORML or something. Just trying to help the cause.
Yes, they might, mightn’t* they? 
Well, so what? Stoners need representation too.
*that doesn’t look right
So… does this mean I can be the Minister of… Keeping It Real? 
As long as I am getting paid, I don’t care what my title is.
I’ll vote for you 'cause you’re so nice.
You got a job for a quiet little Tikki from the other Washington?
I’ll vote for you…but only if you commit to a “tampering in God’s domain” policy.
I mean, if for nothing else, do it for the children! If not for Mad Science, we’d be living in a world with no Neutron Bombs; no realistic flesh-like sillicone; no VTOL prototypes that don’t really work! I ask you, is that the kind of world you’d want to live in? A world you’d leave to your children’s children? I think I speak for everyone when I say that I’d rather stand DEAD first!
Or, failing that, I’d like to be named Secretary for Punctuation Abuse.
Can I be your Secretary of Non-Cultural Trivia? I know all sorts of useless scientific and mathematical and literal* facts!
*In the sense of pertaining to literature, but I can’t think of a better word. Oh, duh, ‘literary’. Well, at least I got a chance to use a footnote.
I’ll be running for President in 2016.
One of my idears will be: War for beer. All beer will become domestic.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge
Another will be a complete overhaul of the education system, modeled after Bismarck’s Bildung.
“free” emergency healthcare. i.e. Get run over by a mack truck and your family wont have to pawn the estate. However, if it isnt life threatening, then it isnt covered. Say your nose is huge or your boobies are too “small”, these things arent going to kill you.
I would de-nanny-ize the govt, the govt is here to provide infrastructure and defense, not to tell you that smoking, drinking, eating too many twinkies might make one fat, watching too much tv will rot your brain, and drugs are bad.
The week of my brithday will become a federal holiday, and all beer will be free.
I welcome monetary donations, cause I figure I’d need at least 1/2 billion bucks to compete by 2016.
I humbly offer my services as dance instructor for the White House. No, please, I shall not require pay for all I care about is expanding horizons and bringing beauty to this sometimes dark world we live in today.
I require nothing except willing students and open minds.
And a yearly all-expenses-paid vacation-I mean** business trip ** to Buenos Aries for shopping- no wait, I mean **economic studies ** and plenty of dancing- er cultural interaction.
Yay for vanity searches!
I hope it pays well. I have huge students loans to re pay.
Oh yoo hoo…are there any good cabinent positions left? I’d be happy to vote for someone who can at least admit their faults!