Presidential candidate Polycarp and myself will need to confer over this new revelation. In the meantime, I’ll be stumping in San Diego for the forseeable future.
That is all. Vote Straight Dope!
Esprix, Vee Pee
Wow. Vice president for 11 days, and I’m nowhere to be seen. Clearly, my tenure in office will be described as “Cheney-like”.
How’s your cholesterol?
We haven’t even been elected yet. If anything, your tenure will be described as Dewey-like.
I believe the office of Director of the Bureau of Bubblegum, Coffee and Biscuits is still open.
Actually, it’s unpaid, but the book deals you’ll get afterward…
I could definitely use some help in that area. I can groove if nobody is looking, but give me an audience and my legs go all rubbery.
Agreed, and I’ll throw in Agriculture too.
Absolutely not. You have a W in your name.
This Administration currently has no “keeping it real” policy. In effect, we shall have a no-policy policy. In keeping with the philosophy of inverse relevance, then, we’re going to make you Secretary of Keeping It Real and elevate you to the Cabinet. We’re even going to give you a budget and keys to the executive washroom, because, like they say, the less you plan on doing about something the more you must talk about doing it.
Allow me to introduce myself, and to offer my services as ambassador to Castle Anthrax.
24 Sussex Drive - Home of the Canadian Prime Minister
In case people were seriously wondering 
None of your business, hippie! If you think I’m gonna tell you personal information like where I am, who I’m meeting with, or whether or not I’m having a heart attack right now, you’ve got another think coming. Hippie!
Yes, we can definitely use somebody with your skills.
I hate to rain on this parade, but (at the risk of getting this moved to Great Debates)…
Isn’t Really Not All That Bright already the president?
Oh, what the hell. Count me in. Can I have a position that gets lots of bribes?
You have my vote. Give me any job; beggars can’t be choosers I suppose.
looks pretty nice.
Anyway I can’t vote for you but if you’re giving any jobs to foreigners I’d like to be Court Jester (they really should reinstate that office) or failing that I don’t mind being Official Dog-Walker (as long as I get an Official Pooper-Scooper assistant to carry out the dirty work, ahem…)
Want to be the new Karl Rove? You don’t have to do anything, you just sit behind me while I’m giving speeches and look brooding and string-pulling-y. That way, when I do Bad Things ™, everyone will think you made me do them.
Secretary of Offense it is.
YoudNeverGuess- wanna be First Lady? 
Humph! In that case, can I be the Secretary of W And Related Letters?
I suppose so.
Um… what’s related to W? U?
U is W’s second cousin, but they’re not speaking. Something about W posing as a vowel.
waves hand I’m in. What job can I have? I can make some mean desserts and… I can pop my shoulder blade out 4 inches. 
Okay, you’re my new speechwriter. That was brilliant.
I think you have to be 18 to hold an Executive Branch post… but screw that. You can be Secretary of Cakes And Other Tasty Stuff, and maybe we’ll work in some kind of double-jointedness awareness program for you to head up.
Rockin’! I’m Secretary of Cakes and other Tasty Stuff! Oh and I have friends that can bend over backwards and fold in half, and can bend their thumb all the way back so it touches the joint, so the Double-Jointedness Awareness Program will work out fine. In the mean time, I’ll make brownies.
Your first task is to change your location in the user CP. The one you’ve got now is just too disturbing.
This better?