I hope and pray for this woman's death.

I have a close friend whom I love very much. During most of her youth she was sexually abused by her father. As was her sister, but only for a short time.

It finally stopped when she got old enough to tell her mom. although it did take a while for mom to believe, and even then the reaction wasn’t what my friend (M) had hoped for.

Dad and sis got therapy. M got some, but couldn’t stand the process.

Mom refused to divorce dad (a marriage is forever, after all) and continued, off and on, to try to force M into getting therapy.
About 2 years ago, during a family arguement, M finally said “Why should I be nice to you? All you’ve ever done is hurt me!”

to which mom responded “Well, that was a long time ago, and it was partly your fault too you know…”
Ok. back now. had to take a break.

Well, last week M came and visited me and the family, loves it here, and will be moving down to Cali as soon as she can break her lease. She’s back now, and spoke to mom today. She would like to see mom and sis once more before going 1200 miles away, but the last few times that has happened, mom and sis gang up on M and try to get her to apologize for what she said at that long ago dinner, and for being such a mean person the last few years. M doesn’t want to do that (I agree) and feels if anything else he should apologize to her.

Mom started to yell at her, about how ungrateful and hurtful she is, and how she (the mom) is just trying to put the family back together again. M gets upset, and says she has no interest in being back together with dad. Mom asks why. M says “Well, he has been abusing me for most of my life.” to which mom replies “Oh, is it back to that again?”
sigh
I hate this woman. I am a parent now, and neither my wife nor I can understand the diseased sort of thinking that could lead to someone picking a molesting animal to their own children. She uses the guilt from the molestation as a weapon to use in the mental abuse of her own daugthers.

Given the chance I would kill them both. they are a disease and should be cleansed from the earth. I would like to burn them both alive. They should both die slowly, from Cancer or AIDS, or radiation poisoning.

I know that this isn’t much of a pit rant, but it’s hard to put how I feel about this into words. Neither one of them deserve to live, and I would gladly slit the throats of either of them.

Sorry this rant is so lame. I’m going to go catch some air real quick, as typing all this has gotten me a bit upset.

Not to defend anyone here (except perhaps M), but I’ve read that one reason mothers might defend molesting fathers is to preserve whatever resources the father is bringing to the family. A mother may rationalize that whatever he did (especially if it’s in the past), although bad, isn’t as bad as what could happen if he left, and left them with no income or whatever he does bring to the family. Of course, rationally, this usually doesn’t make any sense, but the mother may feel like they would be helpless/penniless/etc. without the father. Even worse, if M is grown enough to leave the family, then the mother may be focused more on her sister, and the effects of losing the father if something is made of what he’s done.

Anyway, maybe that helps explain why the mother might take an inexplicable position like that. Maybe if she thought the family could survive without the father, she would leave him, and possible have him arrested. Also, the stress the mother (presumably) is feeling at the conflicting desires (supporting M and getting rid of the father, but also wanting to be able to feed her childern) may be making her lash out and act even more irrationally.

Or, maybe she’s just an evil bitch, and deserves to suffer along with her molesting husband …

Arjuna34

Oh yeah… M has been out of the house for 5 years now. Mom is always there for comments like “Why are you going to college, you know you won’t graduate?” and “You shouldn’t get married and make someone else’s life miserable.”

Sad. I racked my brain for reasons that this miserable old hag would do the things she does, and have decided that it’s cause she’s an evil old bitch.

Have you ever considered a car accident?

…sorry.
I know how you feel. I have zero tolerance for sexual abusers or those who enable and protect them. Move M away and forget they ever existed.

M forbade me to kill her so-called dad 6 years ago.
sigh

Just try to help your friend relocate. Her successful escape from such sickos will be its own reward.

That’s the plan… see also my threads on trying to find good transportations to Montana…

I’m looking forward to meeting her ex husband and punching him in the mouth.

He’s another one that for some reason had nothing better to do with his life than mess with her head.

oh honey, I know how you feel. A sickingly large amount of my friends have had things similar to this happen. I’ve been in your postion. Fucking sucks, doesn’t it? I always wanted to find a city where they would be treated like gold and never be hurt again. There’s someone I hate for good reasons, yet I wish I could bring her to the same city. Her father repeatedly druged and raped her. She was forced to have her fathers child.

That’s fucking sick. I think I’m going to puke right now.

I know, KJ, I know.

I don’t have the quote thing down yet.

Arjuna34, You make a pretty good point, but here’s another possibility:

It may be that Mommy is focused on how she looks in the situation rather than how her children feel.
-I know someone like that.
By shifting the blame to the daughter, she may unburden herself of the guilt of putting her children in such a horrible environment, and keeping them there, and at the same time, protect herself from the wrath of the old man. Who knows what type of spousal abuse he is capable of?

The worst aspect of this type of psychosis is that the person (Mom) is absolutely convinced she is not the problem.

Obviously the parents need help. So does ‘M’.
It’s tragic.

By focusing on trying to make her daughter feel guilty, she can try to make herself feel less guilty. She’s trying to justify her own lack of action on behalf of her child. By belittling her, she can also try to tell herself that her daughter wasn’t worthy of protection to begin with.

Some people live their lives in denial, and will go to any extreme, no matter how hurtful, to keep themselves from feeling guilty.

Your self restraint for not physically trying to knock some sense or compassion into these people is remarkable. The urge must be overwhelming.

Some people really should have to get a license to have kids.

Why pray for her death? Instead pray she comes to realize just what a horror she has perpetrated. Much more appropriate fate.

Thanks for the feeback all… It helped me to write this down last night.

lolagranola… you have no idea how bad it got. There’s another individual that I was actually going to commit a 1st degree murder on… he’s another one that contributed to her problems… actually had the rifle, set up my spot and was waiting for him to walk out his door and changed my mind. sigh It was a dark time for Tristan, and I can’t stand to see someone I care about hurting.

Qadgop… normally I would try, but professional counselors haven’t been able to sway her mind… I don’t think this long hair that swooped into her daugthers life is going to have much hope. And the few times that I had edged around the issue, she threw up defenses faster than I believed possible at the time.

All… thanks again. I will probably dredge this up when I get ready to go get her. I will once again be face to face with her mom, and quite possibly her dad. I have much better control these days, but I also know how to kill with the hands as well, so it should be an interesting trip, to say the least! :smiley: