Somewhere around 12 years ago one of the dogs ate a string of purple beads out of the Christmas ornament box. She had managed to get the 8ft. strand down in sections of 2-3 feet each. We realized it when we saw something behind her that wasn’t a tail. Some of them came out on their own but we would have to grab it with gloves on and pull sometimes. It was gross but funny. I couldn’t tell my Mom that half the laughter was about the anal bead jokes I knew my friends would make the next day.
I wish I could remember if there was someone actually claiming it happened to them or if it’s an urban legend, BUT I’ve heard this story … only with stone-ground mustard. :eek:
It’s a big moment in parenting when your kid grabs a puke bowl on their own without puking on you, the floor, or the cat first. Makes you so proud!
As a newly minted nurse, I had an adult patient who was developmentally delayed but was able to live independently, able to walk, talk and feed herself. I had assessed her at the beginning of my shift and she told me she wanted to sleep in. OK, no problem. The hospitalist arrived about 2 hours later and almost immediately left her room with a disgusted expresssion on his face, looking for the patient’s nurse (me.) When I checked out the situation, I found the patient still in bed, covered in shit pretty much from the chest down. She had to poop but hadn’t wanted to get up so she just DIDN’T GET OUT OF BED TO POOP!!! I had to make her get up and into the shower so I could clean her up.
Another incident was when a patient with explosive diarrhea was trying to get to the toilet but left a river of liquid poo every inch of the way. Housekeeping flat refused to clean it, leaving me with the job.
The worst job I was ever stuck with was when a patient had a colonoscopy with polyp removal. Unfortunately, the doctor lost the polyp (inside the patient’s colon) instead of retrieving it. (It is important to analyze the polyp for cancerous possibilities.) I had to find the polyp in the patient’s next poop, which was almost liquid. It was like panning for gold in 2 quarts of liquid poo. It took about 30 minutes of seiving before I found the 1 cm lump of flesh. Good times.
I’ve heard that version, too, and it makes me hesitate to tell people about the Not Peanut Butter, because it sounds like I’m making it up. Now you can claim that a random stranger on the Innernets told you. 
This actually happened to a friend of mine when one of her kids was a fully-breastfed infant. :eek: ::barfy::.
I’ve never been a mustard-lover and I was especially glad of that when my kids were infants. I would have not been in danger of that particular mistake.
I recently spent about an hour sitting with my five year old while she worked on a particularly epic poop. It didn’t occur to me to go after it manually, but maybe she’s a bit old for that.
Our worst puke incident was at a rather nice hotel. The kid puked all over the bed in the middle of the night. Subsequent pukes covered much of the carpet and bathroom. By the time she finished, we had to call housekeeping for a completely new set of towels, linens, and bathrobes. Cleaning up that much puke without proper cleaning supplies is challenging.
I read here on the Dope that someone had just changed a dirty diaper on one young’un, washed hands and then prepared a peanut butter n jelly sandwich for another, and somehow got some peanut butter on the back of their forearm…and went to lick it off then realized…:eek:
I’ve had cats who got into that and Christmas tree tinsel. The biggest difference was that the tinsel sparkled through the cling-ons.
The oldest boy was in his walker outside,on the concrete driveway.Wearing sandals,
much blood from the toe he was dragging on the ground.Cut to Dad nearly passing out from the blood coming out of his big toe.
Cut scene: one year later when next child did absolutely anything involving a bodily fluid that should be inside was outside.
Cut to to Dad :look blood,urine,feces we need paper towels,tissue,shirt we are wearing etc…
A couple of nights ago my son came home from a kids’ party complaining that there wasn’t anything to eat except these huge brownies that were “too rich”…but that didn’t stop him from eating two.
The next morning I heard a vague mention of some stomach troubles during the night. I checked his room and it looked like an asphalt truck had leaked all over his floor. He said he’d barfed at 2:30 am and then gone downstairs thinking it was morning, and when he discovered it wasn’t, he just stayed down there without telling anyone about the mess. So it had hours to dry out. It took towels, then a steam cleaner, then more Resolve and towels to (sort of) get the stains out.
When my brother was about three, we went to an Amish cheese factory where he generously partook of the free samples. Then we took a ride on a boat and swung him around on a tire swing until he was dizzy. On the ride home he spewed cheesy goodness all over the cloth front seat of our car. My parents never did get the smell out. We sold it to someone who could stand the smell because he didn’t know what it was.
My younger son stuck half a peanut up his nose when he was about two. Despite a long and bloody struggle, they couldn’t get it out at the ER, so we had to take him to an ENT the next day, who used a special and very interesting set of tweezers to get at it.
This happened to one of our cats long ago. He started sprinting from one end of the house to the other, over and over, for no apparent reason, until we noticed the string…