I just did the most disgusting thing

[overlyverbose]

@Mama_Zappa

Seconded. It took some convincing to get Typo Knig to understand that when the toddler starts to hurl, scoop him up and get it all over you… who are easier to clean than the carpet. Hell, if you need a shower, so what? kid does too, most likely, and you can clean both of you in the same shower.

No manual disimpaction here either, though enemas WERE required and were as much fun as you might expect (my older kid had encopresis).

Yep. I usually just sit in the tub with whoever is vomiting until they’re done, then flip on the shower. My son was known for wrapping his arms around my neck while horking then putting his face down on the puddle of vomit on my shoulder and trying to go back to sleep.

When he was crawling i woke to him having massive amounts of diarrhea. He kept it all contained in his diaper so I left the light off while I changed him. Once I was done cleaning him up and before I’d replaced the soiled diaper I stupidly set him on the floor for a moment while I changed the cloth on the changing pad. I didn’t realize he’d crapped again until I heard the wet plop, plop, plop of him crawling toward the door. There are still a few faint green stains on his carpet from poop handprints.

[Ellen_Cherry]

Crap! I just got back from a walk and was hoping to come here and find more disgusting stories. I refuse to believe we’ve exhausted the topic.

[Poysyn]

My DD came into the kitchen as a toddler and said, “Mommy…yuck…” I instinctively put out my hand and she spit a small turd into my hand.

I’m saving that story for…someday.

[Avarie537]

@Poysyn

My DD came into the kitchen as a toddler and said, “Mommy…yuck…” I instinctively put out my hand and she spit a small turd into my hand.

I’m saving that story for…someday.

OMG my oldest did that! Apparently the cat had pooped somewhere and he found it before I did.

Been pooped on peed on puked on … no big deal.

[needscoffee]

Two little girls in the bathtub - one notices the water has turned brown, suddenly realizes the other has taken a huge diarrhea poop in the tub, both start screaming and panicking, scrambling out of the tub, splashing brown water all over both parents and entire bathroom.

[zoid]

@Clothahump

Try being an EMT. There is nothing in this world like transporting someone who suddenly starts running at both ends. Violently.

I have friends and family who are EMT. I have immense respect for what you do. Thank you for your help.

[armedmonkey]

@Clothahump

Try being an EMT. There is nothing in this world like transporting someone who suddenly starts running at both ends. Violently.

Hah! I’m the guy in the ER you hand those people off to! Try doing that!

But seriously, I love EMT’s. I thought about doing it myself, but I bypassed it and went straight to nursing school. Threads like this do amuse me, though. It reminds me how immune I’ve grown to things that most people find disgusting. No offense intended meant towards people who do find stuff like this disgusting, it’s just that working with it inures you. I bet we agree on that.

[simster]

my poop story is simple compared to most offered here.

We often talk about the “firsts” - well, ours was the first time we let the baby have red gummy bears.

Like corn, they don’t digest.

unlike corn, they look like your kid is dieing - until you realize what it is - and hopefully you aren’t on the way to the hospital.

[carnut]

You do not have to be a parent to be able to say “been there, done worse”. Being a child of someone with dementia is enough. Or the grandchild of someone with dementia. Or just a good neighbor or friend. Really.

My fave is the kid who choked on a lifesaver, vomited it (and dinner) up on the rug and then wanted the lifesaver back out of the goo because it was a nummy pineapple one.

[Becky2844]

@Poysyn

My DD came into the kitchen as a toddler and said, “Mommy…yuck…” I instinctively put out my hand and she spit a small turd into my hand.

I’m saving that story for…someday.

Her wedding toast?

[Edward_The_Head]

There’s actually a stool softener that’s a liquid that goes right in the anus. My oldest daughter when she was first learning to poop on the toilet refused a lot so would hold it in. She would then get constipated. It was no fun to hold her down and stick this stuff in her, but it worked in literally a few seconds. We’d do it and she’d run right for the toilet and go. You might want to try that instead of digging it out.

[armedmonkey]

@simster

we let the baby have red gummy bears.

Like corn, they don’t digest.

unlike corn, they look like your kid is dieing - until you realize what it is - and hopefully you aren’t on the way to the hospital.

That’s actually very funny to me. I frequently “float” which means I may be on a hospital floor instead of the ER, and just about any thing that is red is a no-no on the floors. Is his mouth bleeding or is that a cherry pop-sickle? I never thought about gummy bears before. That’s why it’s funny to me. I can completely understand your initial reaction before you thought “Oh right, gummy bears.”

[Becky2844]

@A Monkey With a Gun

Hah! I’m the guy in the ER you hand those people off to! Try doing that!

But seriously, I love EMT’s. I thought about doing it myself, but I bypassed it and went straight to nursing school. Threads like this do amuse me, though. It reminds me how immune I’ve grown to things that most people find disgusting. No offense intended meant towards people who do find stuff like this disgusting, it’s just that working with it inures you. I bet we agree on that.

While working at the police department sometimes the forensic guys would come around with Snapshots from the Scene. Like somebody’s bloated stomach splitting open to let the maggots out… We’d all make up captions for the picture.

(So I’d guess that Yes…if you ever have to have your hemorroids operated on, be afraid. Be very afraid.)

[China_Guy]

Done both of the OPs. Trying to think of more but drawing a blank. I’m sure there *are *more stories but maybe I blanked them out?

[armedmonkey]

I got a disgusting one that doesn’t even thing to do with human medicine. My dog, a Besengi / lab / helifino mix found a spool of my fishing line when she was about a year old. She chewed the fuck out of it, but didn’t swallow the spool. She did, however, manage to swallow all 150 feet of nylon line. I didn’t catch that at first. I didn’t even know she got to it till roughly two days later when she started trailing line out of her ass.

I ended up spending half an hour spooling fishing line out of my dog’s rear end. It had tangled a bit, too, and there was grass all caught up in it. I guess she ate the grass to help her pass it.

[carnut]

@A Monkey With a Gun

I ended up spending half an hour spooling fishing line out of my dog’s rear end. It had tangled a bit, too, and there was grass all caught up in it. I guess she ate the grass to help her pass it.

Poop-on-a-rope! I have a cat that loves my mint dental floss. After a similar results several times, I now don’t let her in the bathroom. Ever. She was fishing it out of the trash.

[Mama_Zappa]

@carnut

Poop-on-a-rope! I have a cat that loves my mint dental floss. After a similar results several times, I now don’t let her in the bathroom. Ever. She was fishing it out of the trash.

Yuck.

Our cat did that, with some string she found. We didn’t realize it, until the next day we glanced down and she was playing “chase” with something on the floor as she bounced around the kitchen floor. We realized that the “something” was evidently following her around…

IIRC, I grabbed the cat, my friend grabbed a paper towel to grasp the string, and we slowly separated the two. In hindsight of course this might have damaged the cat, but fortunately it turned out OK.

Human poo on the floor: Moon Unit was something less than 3 years old and one afternoon I thought it would be a good day to practice potty skills. I had the little potty in my bedroom, with the TV on, and Moon Unit was bottomless.

After a bit, she wandered out of the room, then came back in a minute or two later and said “Uh-oh, poo poo”. I grabbed her and plunked her on the potty, and decided I’d better go check her room.

Two fresh piles on the white-ish carpet. Sigh.

I went back into my room to check on her and she’d pooped more in the potty, and somehow COVERED herself in it. Oh dear.

Plunked her in the tub, while I ran back and forth between the bathroom and her bedroom to try to scrub up as much of the soiling as possible with toilet paper (used Resolve on it later, as I recall), while supervising her closely enough that she didn’t drown (she was never alone for more than 30 seconds and I was never more than 10 feet away, but I was paranoid).

Threw all the toilet paper and poop into the toilet… flushed… and it overflowed. :smack:

Even at the time it was funny, but not exactly fun.

[Unauthorized_Cinnamon]

@Edward_The_Head

There’s actually a stool softener that’s a liquid that goes right in the anus. My oldest daughter when she was first learning to poop on the toilet refused a lot so would hold it in. She would then get constipated. It was no fun to hold her down and stick this stuff in her, but it worked in literally a few seconds. We’d do it and she’d run right for the toilet and go. You might want to try that instead of digging it out.

Oh, as soon as she pulled down her pullup and I saw her butt, I said very commandingly to my husband, “Go to the Walgreens and buy some liquid glycerin suppositories. They’ll be in the baby section or by the Pepto-Bismol. Go. NOW.”

But as I thought about the situation, and continued to observe what appeared to be a brown racquetball 25% of the way out of my preschooler’s anus, it occurred to me that I didn’t have the foggiest notion of where I would stick the suppository. There wasn’t any opening available. When Chris got home, I literally said, “Do you have any engineering ideas?” because we were stuck (!) with a real mechanical problem. He suggested grabbing/pulling/scooping, and thank Og it worked.

The butt-flossing pets have me rolling, by the way.

[ENugent]

@carnut

Poop-on-a-rope! I have a cat that loves my mint dental floss. After a similar results several times, I now don’t let her in the bathroom. Ever. She was fishing it out of the trash.

Yes, we have covered trash in the bathroom for this reason.

Our cat got into the “grass” in my daughter’s Easter basket one year. He pooped it part way out, with little beads of poop stuck to it like a string of noxious pearls. Then, as he left the litterbox, it followed him. This caused him to race madly all over the house trying to get away, shedding poop from the string every time it hit the walls. Fortunately, when we caught him, it was almost all the way out, so a gentle pull took care of it.

[StuffLikeThatThere]

@ENugent

… a string of noxious pearls.

What a turn of phrase! Well done.

We have the normal stories about disgusting bodily fluids that turn up as you’re raising young children, but my husband is the clear winner at our house. He licked peanut butter off his hand once, and (yes, you guessed it) … it wasn’t peanut butter.