I just got back from a Catholic funeral, and boy, was it long.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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[QUOTE=mikemo]
Another life-long Catholic here, although I haven’t attended a non-funeral or wedding service in years. A High Mass will usually take about an hour with the extras for the funeral, maybe 75 minutes for a wedding with High Mass. Sometimes, it seems like a long time even for someone used to church services!
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I had a full mass at my wedding, and I think you are right that it lasted about 75 minutes. My experience is that funerals are a little shorter, but of course that all depends on various factors.

I think it depends on the priest and how liberal he is with the “rules,” and there are probably different customs among different ethnic or cultural groups.

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I wanted to add here that the longest religious services I have ever been to are Bar Mitzvahs…never been to one that lasted less than 2 hours!

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[QUOTE=Musicat]
Funerals aren’t my bag, but a friend died recently and I felt obligated to attend the funeral. Not having been raised a Catholic, I was unsure what to expect. Other funerals I have been to – which is not many – the service is short and the ritual minimal. But this one dragged on forever. Here’s how I remember it (and my memory may be faulty on the details):
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Perhaps I’m biased because I am Catholic and the prospect of an hour long mass doesn’t really floor me but is your approach to trying new things always this unsophisticated?

I’m well aware that I’m coming off like a jerk here but it sounds like you’ve got an amazingly small world view when a funeral for a friend merits a post like this.

Do you always have this kind of reaction when you’re out of your comfort zone?

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[QUOTE=mikemo]
Try going to an Orthodox Catholic ceremony sometime. Makes our Roman-Catholic ceremony look very brief! I attended a Russian Orthodox wedding many years ago…must have gone almost 3 hours, in Latin and Ukarainian (I think)!
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And in traditional Orthodox Churches there are no pews! You stand up the whole time. Although I have seen pews in a few Greek Orthodox churches.

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[QUOTE=Musicat]
(and my memory may be faulty on the details)
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Yep, you’ve definitely got the order all shook up there.

Processional with hymn
Opening Prayer
Reading
Psalm
Reading
Gospel
Homily/eulogy
Offertory (cruets and bread brought up to the front) with hymn
Eucharistic Prayer
Sign of Peace (handshaking)
Communion with hymn
Closing Prayer
Recessional with hymn

The rotation of the casket is a new one on me.
I was in the opposite position at my friend’s daughter’s funeral Mass. I was one of the few Catholics and felt a little self-conscious knowing when to sit/stand/kneel, and what to say, and being allowed to receive Communion.

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[QUOTE=Bricker]
Is it possible you meant that the priest said, “The Word of the Lord,” and the people responded, “Thanks be to God?” And in the last iteration, “The Gospel of the Lord,” to which the response was, “Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ?”

I ask because I have never heard of the proclamation, “So saith God,” or the people’s response of “And it is holy.” And I’m a lifelong Catholic.
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I knew someone would correct me; I prefaced my diatribe with the disclaimer that my memory was not perfect. Yes, the “Thanks be to God”/“Praise…” call & response is probably what it was.

Not having ever been to a Full Blown Mass to my recollection, I couldn’t say how it compared.

“Trying new things”? It’s not new to Catholics, just to me. I wasn’t expecting a Mass or a long service – I just wasn’t prepared for it. The few similar, non-Catholic events I have attended have been mercifully short.

I’ll just have to limit my friends to non-Catholics in the future, as they’re starting to die off all too often.

Well, nothing I can do will bring the friend back. Funerals are for the living, not the dead, and this isn’t my idea of a Real Good Time. Besides, this was a 15-minute friend, not an Entire-Mass-And-Then-Some friend. :slight_smile:

No, I usually scream and shout, “Jesus F. Christ – You are deluded idiots worshiping the wrong God and you’re all going to Hell!”, but I restrained myself this time. :smiley:

Yeah, I couldn’t figure out what that meant. The casket, taken as before and after, was making the sign of the cross?

I’m sure you’re right about the sequence; I hope God will forgive me if I embellished for artistic purposes and didn’t take notes. But you didn’t mention the sprinkling holy water on the casket or covering it with the shroud. Is that a manditory part of the ceremony, too? And is there a name for this particular kind of service, or are all Catholic funeral masses the same?

And I left out the part about the correct posture. Sometimes it appears kneeling was required, most times not. And I can’t figure out when you do the sign of the cross, but I’m sure there’s a rule.

You’re posting from Church!?!?! Man, you’re one gutsy heathen!
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I’m hunkered down with my laptop under the 5th pew and I’m waiting for the all-clear. Thank goodness the church has Holy Wi-Fi. Is it safe to come out now?

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[QUOTE=Musicat]
Yeah, I couldn’t figure out what that meant. The casket, taken as before and after, was making the sign of the cross?

I’m sure you’re right about the sequence; I hope God will forgive me if I embellished for artistic purposes and didn’t take notes. But you didn’t mention the sprinkling holy water on the casket or covering it with the shroud. Is that a manditory part of the ceremony, too? And is there a name for this particular kind of service, or are all Catholic funeral masses the same?

And I left out the part about the correct posture. Sometimes it appears kneeling was required, most times not. And I can’t figure out when you do the sign of the cross, but I’m sure there’s a rule.
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Could the casket being moved have happened at Communion, to make it easier for folks to come up and receive Communion?

I don’t know about the water and shroud deal. The only Catholic funeral I’ve been to recently the deceased was already buried (not the typical thing I don’t think).

Sign of the cross is at the beginning and the end only. Or on special occasions when he walks around and sprinkles the congregation.

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[QUOTE=Revenant Threshold]
The shaking hands thing sounds weird. I’ve experienced it at Churches (not Catholic) for Christmas, so it’s not it alone. I guess I would have just thought that people at a funeral are bound to know each other already.
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Even stranger at this one, since we were almost all mutual neighbors or family. It also seemed strange to “break the rhythm” of the formality with such informality. Like doing a breakdance in a tux.

I guess anything’s strange if you’re not used to it.

I don’t get it. Why is that funny?

Gigi – the casket rotation could have been something as innocent as making space for priestly activities. Maybe it didn’t have any ritual purpose?

I saw altar-helpers making the cross sign at various times, and some in the audience did several times. And some, upon entering the church, kneeled and signed before doing anything else. So there appears to be many times when that ritual was done (although perhaps it’s a personal option?)

29

[QUOTE=Musicat]
Even stranger at this one, since we were almost all mutual neighbors or family. It also seemed strange to “break the rhythm” of the formality with such informality. Like doing a breakdance in a tux.

I saw altar-helpers making the cross sign at various times, and some in the audience did several times. And some, upon entering the church, kneeled and signed before doing anything else. So there appears to be many times when that ritual was done (although perhaps it’s a personal option?)
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My Mom doesn’t like the sign of peace for the same reason–breaks the flow and is too touchy feely.

Sign of the cross-- yes when entering the church and exiting the church, sign with holy water. Sign right after taking communion bread or wine (sorry, I forgot that part!) Sign of the cross during the opening prayer and the closing prayer. Some people toss it in at other times but it’s not called for.

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Be thankful he wasn’t a Baptist. Those twits don’t know how to stop praying.

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[QUOTE=Musicat]
Funerals are for the living, not the dead, and this isn’t my idea of a Real Good Time.
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For Catholics the funeral mass is for both the living and the dead. The Mass is offered first and foremost for the repose of the soul of the person who has died. And, of course, it provides spiritual and emotional comfort for the mourners.

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[QUOTE=Musicat]
I don’t get it. Why is that funny?
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Because i’m more used to the tune having this sung to it.

33

[QUOTE=Musicat]
Even stranger at this one, since we were almost all mutual neighbors or family. It also seemed strange to “break the rhythm” of the formality with such informality. Like doing a breakdance in a tux.

I saw altar-helpers making the cross sign at various times, and some in the audience did several times. And some, upon entering the church, kneeled and signed before doing anything else. So there appears to be many times when that ritual was done (although perhaps it’s a personal option?)
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It’s not the introduction kind of hand-shaking, it’s meant to show that you’re a community. If you already know the people around you, the Sign of Peace means more like “Howdy, neighbor!” and if you don’t know the people, it’s like “Even though we don’t know each other, we are all part of God’s family!” (If you’re a believer, that is – otherwise it means “okay, I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m going along with it because I don’t want to rock the boat” :slight_smile: ) I see what you mean about it seeming informal in contrast to the other parts, but philosophically it’s an intentional reminder that we are active participants in God’s work.

When does one do the Sign of the Cross? Answer: when everyone else is doing it. If you ever want to mess with Catholics, just make the sign of the cross randomly and anyone around you who isn’t paying close attention to the service will do it automatically, and then everyone around them will do it too. (I’m kidding about this being a good thing to do, I’m not really kidding about the results.)

Yes, Catholics do it upon entering and leaving, actually there are two opportunities here – when you are entering or leaving the church, you can dip into the holy water and cross yourself, and then you can do it before you enter your pew and then again when you get up. Also, after you have received communion, you kneel and wait for the wafer to dissolve and in theory, pray while this is happening. After you are done with the praying/dissolving, you sit back in your seat, and many people cross themselves at this point as well. So yeah, you could be making the Sign of the Cross many times on your own in addition to the organized times.

It’s funny that an hour-long Mass seemed long to you – I’ve always fondly thought of that as the 60 Minute Guarantee, they’ve really got it down to a science. I guess for us Catholics, one thing that makes it seem not so long is that you always know exactly where you are on the agenda – so you’re not wondering if this is almost the end, or not nearly the end, or maybe almost half over, or what. There’s no suspense.

34

[QUOTE=thelurkinghorror]
Despite all the communion-talk, I am almost 90% certain that you and your dad wouldn’t be exsanguinated and devoured by the parishioners right there.
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Dude, there is a lot to know at a Catholic service, and you feel really stupid if you’re always a day late and a dollar short! It sucks to be the last one to stand, the last one to kneel, the only ones to not do the Communion thing, etc. It’s not really something you can go ahead and jump into if there isn’t a little old lady to watch and follow.

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[QUOTE=Musicat]

Funerals are for the living, not the dead, and this isn’t my idea of a Real Good Time.
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Oh poor you. :rolleyes:

Having grown up the daughter of a mortician, funerals aren’t supposed to be a “good time.” They’re for the living, yes. But it’s mostly about honoring the person, remembering them, and comforting the relatives and friends in their time of sorrow.

(The WAKE is the part for fun. At least, if you’re Irish). :wink:

As for the sign of peace, if you don’t feel comfortable shaking hands, you don’t have to. But at least say, “Peace be with you”.
Anecdote: once when I was in church, I saw a guy a few pews ahead of me reach down the back of his pants and scratch his ass. I was so glad I wasn’t close enough to have to shake his hand. shudder

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[QUOTE=Sarahfeena]
I learned recently that it’s actually considered inappropriate to have a “eulogy” at a funeral mass, at least according to the General Instruction of the Roman Missal, which specifices how mass is supposed to be said. The homily is supposed to be about death and resurrection or whatever theological stuff is appropriate, but not about the individual.
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I did not know this…Interesting!

I do sympathize with the non-catholics about Mass being confusing, and feeling awkward. My husband is Presbyterian, but he goes to Mass with me on holidays sometimes. He almost made me bust out laughing once by asking me, in the middle of mass, “Is this the one where they throw water on you?”

[QUOTE= Musicat]
I saw altar-helpers making the cross sign at various times, and some in the audience did several times. And some, upon entering the church, kneeled and signed before doing anything else. So there appears to be many times when that ritual was done (although perhaps it’s a personal option?)
[/QUOTE]

People generally bless themselves with holy water as they enter the church. It is also customary to genuflect (briefly kneel) towards the alter before taking your seat in the pew. Most will also kneel down on the kneeler and pray briefly once in the pew.

I have noticed more people starting to genuflect before communion as well. New trend.

About the sign of peace. I am a life long Catholic and I dislike it. It is rather awkward. Not as bad as holding hands during the “Our Father” though. Ugh. This must be a regional practice though, as I rarely encountered it back east.

37

[QUOTE=gigi]
…when he walks around and sprinkles the congregation.
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So I should have brought my raincoat? :slight_smile:

That was at least an hour more than I usually spend in church weekly. It seemed like more. And you’re right, I thought we were done when we were just beginning. At a point about 75% thru, I turned to the person next to me – who was just as clueless as I – and said, “that’s all, isn’t it?” but it just kept on going.

It would have been easier to take if I knew the procedure, but if I knew the procedure, I doubt if I would have attended.

The audience was divided about 50/50 with Catholics and others. The others made no attempt to do what was obviously foreign to them although we all stood or sat together. Some sang along, some didn’t. I certainly didn’t want to offend anyone by not following protocol, but it might have been equally offensive if I attempted to pretend to be Catholic. In either case, while I have no objection to viewing a service of any type, it would feel hypocritical to act like a religious person. No one seemed to mind, and that’s the way it should be, IMHO.

I didn’t know that; it makes more sense as you explain it. Although I’m not a part of ANY god’s family, I can appreciate the sentiment. :rolleyes:

Must resist…must resist…no, I just can’t…

Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee, it’s good to see ya!
Gettin’ ecstatic and
Doin’ the Vatican,
Doin’ the Vatican Rag!

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[QUOTE=Musicat]
I’ll just have to limit my friends to non-Catholics in the future, as they’re starting to die off all too often.
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Well, if they be like to die, best they do so and decrease your social liability.

Why don’t you quit yer whinin’. The guest of honor was there during the whole thing and I bet you didn’t hear him/her complain once. Your time will come soon enough, so imagine all the poor mourners that are going to be stuck kneeling/responding over You.

I guess they’re just lucky you didn’t rifle through the deceased’s pockets or butt your way into the communion line and harangue the priest with “What the Hell do you Mean I can’t super-size it for 49 cents…!?” I’ll tell you what: The very next funeral that gets long, walk out into the middle of the aisle and tap your Timex animatedly. That ought to hurry it up.

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Meh. Get involved in a Buddhist funeral as a close family member, then report back to me.

My ex-father-in-law died several years ago. Here is the stuff I needed to subsequently take part in (apologies if memory has clouded a little):

  1. Attend the home of the deceased several days after death for a vegetarian meal with the widow and other family members, to the background of an MP3 of Buddhist chants (I would get to know this sound well later). I am overweight and 6’4", and sitting cross-legged like a schoolkid really isn’t my bag.
  2. Attend the funeral chapel where the deceased is lying, open casket. Remain there for three full days of prayer, chanting, and other goodies, only returning home at night to sleep. The rituals involved lots of kneeling, standing up, kneeling again, standing up, bowing, kneeling again, reciting ancient Chinese verse phonetically (and having a stern ice maiden “professional mourner” make sure you did it RIGHT!).
  3. Drive as part of the funeral procession, but it does not go straight to the crematorium. We must go via the deceased person’s home, to tell the soul not to try to come back because it lives in a higher place now.
  4. Attend service in crematorium chapel
  5. Under local law (secular, not Buddhist), several family members are required to witness the casket being incinerated. I was one of them.
  6. Go to a wake at a local restaurant.
  7. Attend ceremony of several hours’ duration (a few days later? I forget now) at a Vietnamese temple.
  8. Do the same at a Chinese temple (this was for reasons of family politics).
  9. Another ceremony a month later.
  10. Yet another a year later.
    Me, I likes me a good Anglican funeral. 45 minutes in and out. Sweet and simple.
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[QUOTE=Count Blucher]
Why don’t you quit yer whinin’. The guest of honor was there during the whole thing and I bet you didn’t hear him/her complain once.
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Wouldn’t that have been something? :eek:

Heh-heh. I’ll have the last laugh. At least I won’t be complaining about the length of the litany, the soul of the singer, or the platitudes of the priest.

Preach it, brother! Anglicans know how to die, y’bet!