I just got back from a Catholic funeral, and boy, was it long.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Funerals aren’t my bag, but a friend died recently and I felt obligated to attend the funeral. Not having been raised a Catholic, I was unsure what to expect. Other funerals I have been to – which is not many – the service is short and the ritual minimal. But this one dragged on forever. Here’s how I remember it (and my memory may be faulty on the details):

First we stood and the priest gave a prayer. Then we sat down.

The priest gave a short introduction.

Next we stood and sang a hymn. All four verses. Then we sat down.

Two ushers came, rotated the casket 90 degrees, then left.

The priest introduced the family members and each gave a short testimonial.

The priest sprinkled some holy water on the top of the casket (wouldn’t that leave a mark in the polished wood?)

The ushers unfolded an large cloth and draped it over the casket.

The priest read from the bible.

The priest said, “So saith God.” The Catholics in the audience responded, “And it is holy.”

Each of the family members read a bible verse. After each one, the priest said, “So saith God.” The Catholics in the audience responded, “And it is holy.”

The organ began to play, but the priest stopped him – apparently the ritual was out of sequence.

Next came the “orders”. The priest opened a cubbyhole in the altar and removed some silver goblets. One of the sisters walked down the aisle and handed him what looked like an oil and vinegar salad set. He poured some of this in one of the goblets and said something. The Catholics in the audience responded.

The we all stood up and sang another hymn. All four verses.

Then we sat down and the priest went through another ritual and came out into the audience. The catholics lined up and accepted communion from him, filing back to their seats.

The we all stood up and sang another hymn. Four more verses.

We sat down.

The priest spoke and we stood up and recited the Lord’s Prayer. We sat down.

The priest talked about the deceased and how wonderful she was, how much she loved her Lord and how she was now in a better place (a casket?), and how she was a shining example to all her kids. He told an anecdote about how he met her and how she and her (previously deceased) husband were so close and went everywhere together. Now they were together again.

Time for another hymn. Right, all four…

Then the priest said we should hold hands while he recited something important. The Catholics responded.

Next the priest said we should each turn to the person standing beside, in front or behind, and shake hands with our neighbors.

Almost done? Not quite. We sat down.

More inspirational drivel from the priest. Stand up.

The casket was rotated once more and the priest invited us all to follow it to the burial plot. After another ceremony, we would return to the church basement for a full meal. He indicated that the funeral wasn’t complete until we had eaten our fill.

So, with the casket leading the way, followed by the priest and the family members, we all filed out of the church. The casket went one way, I went another.

Even the temptation of a free meal didn’t make me want to stick around that much. After all, I didn’t really know the deceased THAT well!

2

Catholics do the ritual thing very well. It’s our thing.
Though I’m not familar with the ‘So sayeth God’ “and it is holy” call and response.

3

Shortly before my grandmother’s funeral a few months ago, the minister approached “the family” and asked whether a decision had been made to rearrange the order of the hymns we were singing. Answer: No. I’m not sure why the order the minister was told was not the same as that printed in the bullitens by the funeral home. We were assured that that the minister would confirm with the organist, and no one would be confused, because everyone would just do what the minister said.

Now of course, this was NOT a Catholic funeral, and it wasn’t long-- I don’t think we sang more than 3 verses of anything, and no family members found it neccessary to say anything.

But it was kind of interesting watching the funeral director wheel the casket every which way. Including down the ramp to the waiting wedge of pallbearers. (6 pallbearers, all male, ranging in height from 5’7" ish to 6’4" ish. Paired in height order. )

And despite the shortness of the service, and the promised lunch, I don’t think anyone who wasn’t a family member made it to the cemetary part of the service.

On the other hand, given the smallness of the town, and the smallness of the church, there were a respectable number of non-family members at the lunch when we returned from the cemetary. And I think my dad was the only man who did not shed his suit coat at anypoint during the lunch. (Not that it matters, but it was his mother-in-law who had passed away).

4

The shaking hands thing sounds weird. I’ve experienced it at Churches (not Catholic) for Christmas, so it’s not it alone. I guess I would have just thought that people at a funeral are bound to know each other already.

My only problem in funerals other then length is not laughing if we have to sing Guide Me, O Thou Great Redeemer.

5

Is it possible you meant that the priest said, “The Word of the Lord,” and the people responded, “Thanks be to God?” And in the last iteration, “The Gospel of the Lord,” to which the response was, “Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ?”

I ask because I have never heard of the proclamation, “So saith God,” or the people’s response of “And it is holy.” And I’m a lifelong Catholic.

6

It’s called “The Sign of Peace.” The priest says: “Lord Jesus Christ, you said to your apostles: I leave you peace, my peace I give you. Look not on our sins, but on the faith of your Church, and grant us the peace and unity of your kingdom where you live for ever and ever.” The people respond, “Amen;” the priest continues, “The peace of the Lord be with you always,” and the people respond, “And also with you.”

The priest then says, “Let us offer one another a sign of peace.” It’s at this point that people near each other offer a handshake to their neighbors and the words, “Peace be with you,” or “Christ’s peace.”

7

Are your arms tired?

8

It’s pretty common in several different denominations. Usually it’s accompanied with “Peace of the Lord be with you”.

9

Yeah, why make a big deal out of someone’s death? They certainly did their best to inconvenience you, funerals not being “your bag”, and all.

Do you know how stupid that sounds; “funerals aren’t my bag” ? Who likes them? For Christ’s sake, it means someone died!

10

Ah, I didn’t realise it was that common a thing. Thanks! :slight_smile:

11

How long was it? At least Mass is only 45-60 minutes. If you were at a Baptist service, you might still be there.

12

Yes, I have never heard of this either.

Was this a full mass? Did people go to communion? Doesn’t sound like it.

I think it is nice that the priest talked about what a nice person the deceased was. When we had my grandfather’s funeral, the priest didn’t say anything personal about him at all…

13

Maybe. But not neccessarily.

Let’s look at the persons who attended my grandmother’s funeral for a minute.

Family (Descendent-type) --2 Daughters, 1 Son, 1 Son-in-law, 1 Granddaughter, 1 Grandson, 1 Granddaughter-in-law

None of those people have lived in Grandma’s small town or even in the same state in the last 30 years, one had made a grand total of one previous visit to the state. Ok, so most folk knew who we were, but we didn’t neccessarily know who they were.

Family (sibling type): 1 sister, one brother-in-law, one widower who used to be married to deceased sister, one niece. All again not present residents of small town or even the state, though the brother-in-law has relatives in small town.

Family (in-law type–as in, relatives of Grandpa, who has been deceased for 20 years): 2 brothers, one sister, one brother-in-law, one sister-in-law, one SO, half a dozen nieces and nephews(none of whom brought spouses or children)–all of these live in the vicinity of 4 hours away, some less.

Family (other) several descendents of Grandma’s father’s sister --and maybe the ex-wife of one of them (those who showed up live near small town).

Non-family-- a bunch of ladies from the church were there, although most of them I saw mostly because they served lunch afterwards. I’ll assume they were residents of the small town.

Now in fairness, I don’t know that we had a greeting time, or Passing of the Peace time, during the service, and most of the “You must be Eureka, you look just like your mother” stuff went on either during visitation immediately before the service, or after the graveside stuff–frequently during lunch. But it’s not that weird to me that people might attend a funeral because they knew the deceased from a variety of shared activities, and thus not know who everyone else was.

14

Me neither

I think the OP mentioned communion. Sounds like it was a full mass, which if you include the funeral rite, probably takes, what 1 hour at the most? Maybe that just seems really long to someone who isn’t used to church services.

I learned recently that it’s actually considered inappropriate to have a “eulogy” at a funeral mass, at least according to the General Instruction of the Roman Missal, which specifices how mass is supposed to be said. The homily is supposed to be about death and resurrection or whatever theological stuff is appropriate, but not about the individual. Maybe that’s why the wake is so important in Catholic circles…it’s the time when toasts and speeches are supposed to be given by friends & family, I guess.

15

You’re posting from Church!?!?! Man, you’re one gutsy heathen!

d&r

16

The longest wedding I have ever been to was Catholic. There was a whole mass. My dad and I were the only non-Catholics. It’s uncomfortable. The Catholic funerals I have been to I’d say were “normal” length. And of course generally only my dad and I are not Catholic at them. Which is uncomfortable.

17

Zsofia,
For true discomfort, there is this anecdote from a Catholic Funeral my dad once attended.

Dad was attending because the deceased was a co-worker or former co-worker. So he sat in a pew with a half dozen other guys from the company. None Catholic–except James. Communion is announced for Catholics in good standing. Dad and his co-workers prepare to sit tight and feel slightly awkward–except for James. James looks really awkward–unbeknownst to his co-workers, it’s a little questionable whether James truly counts as a “Catholic in good standing” and so James is struggling to decide whether to skip the Communion bit and explain (or not explain) later or go ahead and take Communion and deal with the guilt, etc. about the “maybe not in good standing” bit later.

18

Despite all the communion-talk, I am almost 90% certain that you and your dad wouldn’t be exsanguinated and devoured by the parishioners right there.

19

Another life-long Catholic here, although I haven’t attended a non-funeral or wedding service in years. A High Mass will usually take about an hour with the extras for the funeral, maybe 75 minutes for a wedding with High Mass. Sometimes, it seems like a long time even for someone used to church services!

I’ve been to Catholic funerals that have included eulogies, but most don’t. Don’t know if the family decides, or the parish priest, or what. YMMV.

20

Try going to an Orthodox Catholic ceremony sometime. Makes our Roman-Catholic ceremony look very brief! I attended a Russian Orthodox wedding many years ago…must have gone almost 3 hours, in Latin and Ukarainian (I think)!