I was checking my email today, reading my group members comments about my drafts for the children’s book we are making. One rather attractive member of the group invited me to a party
I was really looking forward to it, because I have been meaning to get out and meet new people. I have one very close friend, and sometimes I think I am in a codependent relationship with him. Neither of us have really improved socially as far as making friends or getting into relationships, and I often wondered if each of us is reinforcing bad habits/wallflowerness which kept us from ‘branching out’. So going to a part with people outside my friend’s circle sounded interesting.
The problem was that I was bored to tears. I didn’t feel any connection with anybody. I felt more like some stranger crashing someone’s party; I had hardly anything in common with them. The girl who invited me to the party is part of a large clique (about 20) people who all have the same hobbies, and even work at the same job. I tried to socialize, and they didn’t seem to think I was anything of a bore, its just no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake feeling out of place there. One guy recognized me from high school, which is something, though I don’t recognize him, and he doesn’t remember anything about me back then, only recognized my face.
Perhaps if I drank enough, I would loosen up enough not to care, but I had to drive back home, and couldn’t stay terribly late. When I told the hostess I was leaving she was rather surprised. Now I feel kind of odd…I really want to tell her the truth about how I feel next time I see her in class, but I don’t want her to take it the wrong way. We still have a project to finish, and I don’t want any social drama fudging it up :smack:
Well, if it’s any help, I’d say that feeling a bit uncomfortable at a party where you don’t know hardly anyone it utterly normal.
I’m gregarious, and still feel a bit uncomfortable in those situations, but I forge ahead, anyway. It’s not as bad as you think, even if you think you’re being a babbling idiot. EVERYBODY at parties is a babbling idiot, anyway.
I think that you shouldn’t tell your friend how you felt. It had nothing to do with her, and yes, it would likely be taken the wrong way.
Can you say “Thanks for inviting me. I had a little trouble talking to people though. I guess I’m more shy than I thought” or somesuch. Then she’ll feel obliged to invite you again, and make an effort to include you.
I’d also like to add: keep going to parties. Keep attempting to be social. One of these days, you’ll have a good time. You’re probably right that you and your friend are stunting one another a bit. It’s great to have a good friend, but healthy human behavior includes social interaction.
I’d also not mention anything to your hostess except, “Thank you so much for inviting me.” If she presses, tell her that she has some very interesting friends. (They are interesting to someone, I’m sure.) Perhaps a mention of, “I loved how the bunch of you interacted. As soon as I conquer my shyness, I hope to have a group like that.” Anything else is just rude. It really wasn’t her, it wasn’t her party or her lack of hostess skills - it was you. If you have to say anything at all, keep it about you.
Thanks for the advice! Lately I have been observing that I become terribly self-concious around people I am not familiar with. This kind of holds me back conversation-wise. When I got home, I realized I should have talked/schmoozed more at the party. After all, what did I have to lose? I didn’t know any of those people; even if everyone was repulsed by me it doesn’t effect me in any way…
Its just hard to break out of your shell sometimes
I just want to say, as someone who is very brave when with friends, but incredibly ‘chicken’ when alone, congralations on going by yourself!
I think that’s a huge step and I hope you don’t let your experience discourage you from trying again.
I think saying to your classmate “Thanks again for the invite!” is a simple way to let her know you appreciated her thoughtfulness. If she says “I was surprised to see you leave so early - didn’t you have a good time?”, then you could say, as WhyNot and Mr FancyPants already suggested, “I can be a bit shy around people I don’t know but your friends seemed very nice.” Something like that. Personally I wouldn’t say it unless she asked though - a genuine expression of your appreciation would be enough.
