This does not bode well for your relationship.
Well man, if you want to keep this relationship going, you´re going to have to get used to seeing her without make up quite often, so I´d say get over it.
I´d say it´s actually nice to see women without make up from time to time, reminds you that they too are normal people, who don´t need to put fancy colors on there faces just to impress other people.
It might be a window into her chracter. And if that is the case, then she might be a decent person.
I am not, by the way, suggesting that women who wear make-up are phonies or superficial or whatnot.
Just stating a different perspective. Make up does make you look nice, but it ain´t always necesary. 
Yes, I would. But it would be a very *short *evening, and I simply wouldn’t go out with you again. Because I understand the difference between “He’d be much more attractive to me if he shaved” and “He owes it to me to shave, so that he’ll be more attractive”.
Speaking for myself only, I prefer women who are not made up (or who are so subtly made up that I am unaware of it). My mother rarely wore makeup (occasional lipstick, for big occasions) and I somehow let my wife know that I preferred her without makeup, doubtless a preference from my mother. My older son eventually let his wife know the same thing. I don’t know about my other son, but if his wife uses makeup it is very subtle.
Now you may say that I have changed my wife’s behavior and therefore the OP could try that too. But it is flattering, I think, for a woman to be told you prefer her au naturel and anything but for her to be told you don’t.
I don’t think having makeup on at the gym is much of an indicator of anything. Granted, there are the women who are obviously there to show off rather than to exercise (or at least, that’s how it works at the big fitness centers in Seoul), but in the summer I’d sometimes stop by the gym right after work, which meant I would have makeup on while I was working out.
I’ve said this before, but fashion threads on the SDMB always make me feel like I live in another world. (I am expressing surprise, not any kind of criticism.) None of the girls I know wear that much makeup, but most of us wear some on a regular basis. I never feel like makeup is cloying or restricts how much I can touch my face (well, I probably wouldn’t want to rub my eyes vigorously, but I wouldn’t do that anyway) - the last time I didn’t touch my face for fear my makeup would smear was Halloween. I wear makeup every day and my skin gives me very little trouble. But I understand that YMMV.
I do kind of understand where the OP is coming from - I’ve met guys and thought, “He would look so nice if he just cut his hair/wore different clothes/lost some weight/etc.” But they’ve always been somewhat abstract musings - as in, they’ve never really factored into whether I’m attracted to someone or not. As an example, I once had a huge crush on a guy that was somewhat heavier than what I consider to be my ideal body type. I never really even noticed it though. I mean, if you’d asked me “Is he skinny?” I would have answered, “No, he’s a bit on the heavy side actually” - I wasn’t oblivious to the fact - but the thought that I’d be more attracted to him if he were skinnier never occurred to me at all.
I guess that’s a long way of saying that I think the OP is wasting his time. If her lack of makeup bothered you the first time, I doubt that her putting on some eyeliner is going to change much.
The best makeup a woman can wear is good health. If she stays in shape and takes care of herself ,she looks good. Her color will be right and her cheeks rosy.
It doesn’t have to be some huge political statement for a woman to not wear makeup, but part of the personality of women who don’t wear makeup is that they aren’t interested in what society thinks women should put on their faces. I don’t think you can deny that the decision for women to wear makeup isn’t at least a little loaded; look at this thread for Exhibit A.
So despite my other good traits, and your belief that I would look far more attractive if i made a date with a Bic for 5 minutes a day, you would say nothing? Not even bothering to learn if this is even a big deal for me or not?
I believe you, but i find it hard to believe you would let the man of your dreams(just for the sake of argument, mind. 
) go because you didnt want to offend him over a few whiskers. I certainly would want you to let me know that there is a little, almost trivial way I could make you happier.
One other Q… If hypothetically, we were married, and one day I decided enough was enough and didnt want to shave anymore, would you silently accept my repugnant beard as my business alone? Even when I still insist on maintaining this appearance as I escort you to social functions like weddings, funerals, gatherings with your friends, etc? If so, you’ve far more tolerance than I, If not… at what point in a relationship does it become ok to dictate, or perhaps just strongly suggest, how your partner maintains their appearance?
This is not a problem of doing, but one of noticing. If you didn’t notice or care that this made you look less attractive, then I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my time telling you what else you didn’t notice.
It could be a clash of tastes or a clash of what we think is acceptable. Either way we clash before anything even started and that’s a bad sign.
That’s a different question. If we originally matched and you changed, you’ve now changed the contract of our social partnership.
The point at which we think we have a contract is the point where I think I can try to assert it. That point differs for different people, but it’s almost never before a first date occurs.
CutterJohn, the man of my dreams would never pick me up for our first date looking like that. He’d know better. I wouldn’t have to *tell *him that’s not okay.
If he suddenly started wanting to go out in public like that years later, I certainly would insist otherwise. And maybe ask him to explore therapy.
The difference of course, is that one is trying to mold a person you don’t know into your ideal mate, and the other is asking that your chosen mate hold up his end of the agreed-upon bargain.
Women who won’t be seen anywhere without make-up, blow-dried hair and nail extensions, a new outfit, all of which took two hours to put together. That’s how I imagine most people would define ‘high maintenance’ (though I guess there are other things involved, like the inability to make decisions on one’s own, but I’ve heard enough people use it on women they’ve never dated). Note, though, that I am not a fan of the term because most women I know like this are perfectly fine supporting this lifestyle and need absolutely no outside help i.e. ‘maintenance.’
Also, part of the problem with the make-up vs. no make-up ‘debate’ (can we call it that?) is, well, who the hell gets to decide how much is enough or too much? As myself and others have pointed out, unless the OP saw her fresh from the shower, he can’t truly know if she was wearing make-up. Could he really tell if all she had on was concealer, mascara and nude lipstick? And if she had decided to pass by a particularly bad make-up counter on the way to the event and got the works, from fake lashes to inch-thick lip gloss, how many guys there would have deemed her ‘fake’ or ‘trying too hard’? Or gone home with her only to find she looked completely different in the morning? (Something I’ve heard men complain about.)
I know the wonders of a good make-up artist, I really do. And I know, however shallow this may sound, how the perfect lip gloss or concealer can brighten up a woman’s day and boost her confidence. But again, unless she’s been living in a cave, she’s likely experimented with make-up and has chosen not to wear it, for whatever reasons. No make-up is the default, unless you’ve got cosmetic tattoos.
IME, if you learn to really like her, it won’t much matter about the makeup. If she’s at least somewhat pretty, you’ll fill in the rest of the gaps mentally and emotionally.
I do disagree that it’s loaded. I disagree that it’s even much of a decision for some women. A lot of us - both men and women - simply don’t notice makeup or the lack thereof. And there’s definitely parts of the world (and this country) where makeup for women is a take it or leave it kind of thing, it’s not at all given that a women wears makeup, any more that it would be that women all wear skirts everyday or high heels.
My ex-husband has a unibrow. I never said a word about it at any point in our relationship.
When we went and visited his sister, she made a big point of saying how she was going to pluck his unibrow, and by that point in our relationship, I just thought, “Isn’t that weird? What’s it to her?”
On the other hand, he once grew a moustache that I thought was great. A few weeks later he shaved it off and I asked him a few times to grow it back, but he wouldn’t.
Hmm… there is something wrong with that logic, but I can’t for the life of me think what it is right now.
I know I’d ask a woman to change something minor. I’ve done it before, and will do it again. And its been asked of me before.
Once I even let a girl i was dating dress me up in cowboy clothes, and I didn’t mind one bit. Well, I did draw the line at wearing one of those silly hats, but its not like I was offended that she liked seeing me in tight wranglers and cowboy boots.
Perhaps thats the logical flaw i was looking for… We can’t expect our behavior to perfectly match what the significant other in our life expects, and quite frankly, a lot of what we do is just routine crap that doesn’t bother us one way or another, and that we frankly don’t care about… It just is. There shouldn’t be anything wrong with them asking for reasonable changes to your routine, nor you asking the same of them. If its something minor, or even inconsequential to you, and it makes them happy, where is the downside?
You have no business asking them to change anything for you when your acquaintance with them is still in the tens of minutes.
And I don’t find your beard analogy entirely apt. I realise you were pitching it as a personal grooming vs personal grooming situation, but the way I see it is that people who don’t like your beard are wishing you’d UNcover your face, not cover it up. And wouldn’t a plain, plain, plain ordinary beard be a better comparison than a “repulsive” one?
I don’t usually wear makeup due to lack of interest. When I wear it, it tends to be on a whim. This means I may go to a wedding barefaced, but suddenly take a fancy to dolling myself up to stay home and do housework. If someone I just met asked me to wear makeup I’d lose all interest in him. I’ve been me for 32 years now and I know who I am; I don’t need someone I’ve just met telling me how I can improve myself. I also know that, even if I did comply and wear makeup on a date with him, it’s still not a change I’d be prepared to maintain forever so where would that leave us?
I’m prepared to take the right person on, flaws and all, if he comes along, and I expect the same in return. I don’t need to be with someone so badly that I’d change to keep him interested.
Same here. If someone actually said that to me, I’d laugh and say something to the effect of “Well, you’re just full of yourself, aren’t you?” And would instantly write him off from having any potential. I just wouldn’t waste any further energy on him.
Thank you for saying that. I have a dear close friend that I love like a sister (and she loves me like a brother) She wears way too much makeup and it looks horrible. She keeps complaining that she can’t meet men and I mention that many men like a women with little to no makeup but she doesn’t get the hint.
When I say too much makeup I mean it looks like she used a trowel to put on the whatever the other makeup goes over.
When we went away this weekend she forgot her makeup at home and had to have the friend who drove take her out to buy some of “her brand”
Me too. I don’t understand what’s so hard to get about this. To most people, one’s appearance is a personal thing. I mean, it’s kind of like inviting a new acquaintance to your house and having them tell you that you should get a new couch because the one you have clashes with the curtains…and then with the implicit addendum that they won’t come to visit again if you don’t. In what universe would this be polite behavior?
It’s also arrogant to expect that someone is going to modify their appearance just to be good enough to date you. I’ve experienced this with two men (interestingly enough, their preferences were complete opposites from one another) and to this day, neither guy can understand why they are jackasses to me. It’s actually kind of sad.
I think there is a difference between asking a guy you’ve been dating for several months to switch his cologne, for example, and expecting a woman you’ve just met to put on makeup so you can be more attracted to her. Of course there will be things about your SO that you might want to change, but the problem is if your feelings for them hinge on such things.
Plus, makeup is kinda of a pain in the ass to start doing if you are not in the habit. I didn’t start wearing makeup until the middle of college, and I quickly learned that
- It takes a lot of practice to apply makeup so it looks natural
- The stuff that was kinder to your skin was inevitably more expensive
- Using makeup also meant developing new habits - cleansing my face more meticulously at the end of the day, for example, with more products
- Getting a makeup stash started (assuming you start with nothing) costs a lot.
I’m not complaining - I love wearing makeup. But expecting a woman who doesn’t normally wear makeup to suddenly start doing so is not “inconsequential.”