I just panhandled for the first time

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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And the way things are, it may not be the last.

I was fired from my job on Friday, for no good reason at all. I sent in my time sheet, and it was processed, for $175. Not really enough to tide me over, but better than nothing.

My check is mailed to me. Every single fucking time prior to this, it has arrived on Tuesday. It was crucial for it to arrive yesterday; I had no gas in my car, and only enough medication and food to get me through this morning. I called the payroll company, and they said the check had been mailed late, and there was Nothing They Could Do.

So today, I’m watching from the window for the mail carrier. He leaves the mail, I go down, and no check. Other stuff, including bills I can’t pay, but no check.

Long story short, the payroll company can do nothing, and they don’t even have an office near me so I can handcuff myself to the front door and tell people walking in and out that I will have a seizure (which I will) if I can’t get my scrip refilled before midnight.

Meanwhile, throughout most of the summer, I worked steadily while Mr. Rilch worked rarely. He told me numerous times that when he got a steady gig, he’d make it all up to me and get something really nice, and I could quit my shit job (the one I got fired from) and take my time pursuing something worthwhile.

Last week, he got a check from a brief but well-paying job. In addition to paying the rent, he also got himself a new subwoofer. I told him just now that if he’d held off on getting the subwoofer, he wouldn’t have had to raid his commemerative-quarters book for gas money. “You know something, Rilch? I don’t care! Because I also paid $1000 for rent that we owed!”

“I don’t earn $1000 at a time! I give EVERYTHING I earn to bills! I can’t even go to a movie!”

“Well, that’s too damn bad.”

So I told him I was going for a walk. I was only brave enough to approach one person, and he only gave me a quarter, but I told him the exact truth–no paycheck, no money at all, need medication, will have seizure. I stopped after hitting up a woman who turned out to be his wife. I can’t afford to get arrested, and I hate putting people on the spot, even if my need is dire.

But I still have no medication, no food, no anything. An

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And I hope that subwoofer hugs and kisses him and makes love to him and scratches his head and rubs his feet and well as I do.

Because I won’t be able to do those things when I’m in debtor’s prison.

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Just sent you an email. Hope I can be of some help, some other Dopers too.

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I’m trying to weigh the relative importance of subwoofers and seizure medication…

Um, I can’t. Because seizure medication is like, important.

I wish I could help you out financially - I’ve got my own money management problems. But based on your recent rash of rants about money here, I would suggest that you and husband get into counseling as soon as you possibly can. An organization like http://www.myvesta.org can give you some money management tools, recommend counselors, and help negotiate payment plans with your creditors if you need that kind of help.

Your posts indicate a complete communication breakdown on the subject of money. I hope you can get the medication and fix the communication problems. I worry for you.

5

Hold the phone (as I just said to Cranky).

Mr. Rilch is now done talking to his dad, and $100 is on its way to us, courtesy of Western Union.

Thank you, Karen, for your offer. Now I really feel like a heel.

Oh jesus. He wants sex. I told him NO. I just think sex, after all we’ve just been through (and believe me, what I gave y’all was a soundbite), would be like agreeing to put these issues aside before they’re resolved.

I’m gonna go Talk To Him…

Sorry I’m not more coherent…

Also, thanks, magdalene.

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I doubt this is news to you but if “Mr. Rilch” is truly your husband and not just a clever way of referring to your SO or boyfriend you potentially have much larger problems on the horizon than just a late paycheck.

Panhandling is a bad idea operationally and personally. It will destroy your soul. Isn’t there a relative you can move in with temporarily if things are that dire?

To be honest with you, I gotta admit I’ve been in some tough spots earler in my life and I want to be empathetic becase your situation is desperate but I’m just stunned that any person who can write clearly and has reasonable typing and english skills like youself would have to panhandle for day to day money and, weirdly enough more than that, that a solid member of the SDMB would have to panhandle. It’s just mind boggling.

What can we do to help you?

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Gosh, Rilchiam, that does not sound good.

One piece of advice I can offer is to talk to your doctor, explain the situation, and see if he’s willing to give you samples. If nothing else, it can provide you with an emergency supply if you run out again.

Robin

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Real simple: if he just bought the subwoofer, he still has the receipt. Bring the thing back. Now.

Buy it when you have money, but right now you have more improtant things than musical equipment. :rolleyes:

-ts (who’s B-I-L sold his Harley when he was between jobs)

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ts, you forgot the part about hitting Mr R with a baseball bat until he gives her the receipt. And maybe a few times after that. God didn’t make men and women equal. Louisville Slugger did.

Rilch, your husband is an immature asshole. Leave him until he grows up.

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Rilch, how can we help? Check email. Thoughts going out to you right now.

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He’s really my husband. And yes, we both admit we have problems.

**

Well, I was kinda stunned myself. I didn’t have the intention of panhandling when I left the house. I was just going for a walk to cool off, and the idea came to me when I got to the main street. As you said, and I think I did in the OP, I can’t handle the legal and emotional risk. In fact, I tried to give the guy his quarter back, but he wouldn’t take it. It was more of a way of working off my anger and doing something desperate.

Now here’s something. I went downstairs to Talk to him, and his mom called just when I was getting up, having despaired for the moment. He said, “No, I’m just talking to the drama queen…Oh, she’s just being a bitch…Here, you wanna talk to her?” He handed me the phone, and I told her "We have no money and I don’t have my medication…and it wasn’t my idea to drag you into this, so I’ll give it back to him. Mr. Rilch says, “It was my idea to hand you the phone, so it works both ways.”

WTF?! It’s always my fault. Always.

He seems to be a bit more calm, talking to her. Thing is, she usually takes my side on these things, and she probably is now.

As far as anyone helping me, I appreciate the sentiment, but FIL is WesternUnioning $100 to us. Also, I dislike being beholden to anyone. I don’t know my earning power for the immediate future, so I don’t know how or when I could pay anyone back.

I think this is going to end with the subwoofer going back to the store.

MsRobyn, that is a good idea about an emergency supply.

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and I’m a Newbie (note cap) here, but I just wanted to let you know I’m sending positive thoughts your way and hope all works out for the best.

Medication-wise, I do know that if you only have a few bucks, you can usually get only a partial fill on your prescription. I do this when I’m not sure if the kids will be able to tolerate their new antibiotics, etc.

And I agree with everyone else…the new toy goes back to the store. Pronto. :smiley:
Hang in there
karol

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Feel free to keep writing back Rilchiam. This may be medicine in it’s own way, that’s how I use it sometimes when things have gone bad, like earlier this spring and summer.

Things will get better, don’t lose hope. :smiley:

…and yes, take the subwoofer back pronto.

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Yeah, it’s time to figure out money priorities with Mr. Rilch, sweetie. Aside from fair is fair with you having supplied the majority of support over the last few months, medication to stop seizures trumps sub-woofers no matter what card game you’re playing.

Why is he so hostile? Could it be that he knows he’s being unreasonable and immature and doesn’t want to face up to it?

15

Listen, I’ve been out of meds before (for the same thing, btw) and when I’ve called the pharmacist, they were happy to give me a partial refill that came directly out of my next refill. I paid for it when I went to get the whole refill.
No body wants you to have a seizure. Not your doctor. Not your pharmacist. The worst you can do is try it.

My best to you. take care.

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“I’m just talking to the drama queen” … “she’s just being a bitch” …

Is Mr. Rilch fully aware of your medical condition? Would it be possible to have your doctor or other trusted medical professional sit down with him and explain just how serious seizures can be? I mean, come on! Worrying about having a seizure is not in any way “being a drama queen” when it’s a real risk. You have every right to feel angry, and offended, because it’s clear he chose his subwoofer over your well-being.

I think it would be wise to look into counseling. I hope you know that you have many friends here that will give any help we can (including me, even though I barely know you).

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Wow. The drama queen? Wow. A bitch?

All I can say is immediate counseling sounds like it’s in order. Struuter is right, too. A pharmacy will normally give you a few pills to tide you over or your doc can give you some samples. No one wants you to be sick, and things can be worked out.

Please post if anything gets that dire again. I also strongly recommend putting aside ANY money you can get your hands on for savings, even if it’s just a dollar or two a week (once money starts to flow in again). It sounds like there might be a money/power issue going on.

Zette

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As some of the posters may know, I have a habit of baiting Rilch about her “wacky hijinks” with Mr. Rilch, etc.

No more. Despite reassurances that it’s “just our way,” I’m not buying it.

Money problems can bring out the worst in people (I’ve been there as well), but too much is too much.

Best wishes, Rilch. I wish for you peace, happiness and freedom.

Sir Rhosis

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Hi, Rhosis. I briefly thought of you when I started posting this.

We’ve got the prescription, and something for dinner.

Before everyone starts writing Mr. Rilch off as a complete bastard, here’s what we’ve hammered out in the last two hours.

—MIL gave Mr. Rilch a few verbal smacks for talking about me that way. She said she didn’t want him to be like his dad, or for us to become them (divorced). He was properly humbled.

—Mr. Rilch knows, all right, how serious seizures are. He witnessed two of mine, and never wants to see another. He says he only called me a “drama queen” because I panicked so easily, instead of having faith in him. He did ask his dad for help, and got it, which wasn’t easy, and he said there was no way he wouldn’t have gotten me my medication by one means or another.

—If you’re wondering why I didn’t have it refilled earlier, it’s because I was just that broke. I had enough pills to last until the check was SUPPOSED to come, plus two more, so I thought I could wing it. Live and learn. I should have a stash anyway, in case of emergencies like earthquakes. Or terrorist attacks.

—FIRST he sent a large money order (as opposed to a check that could have bounced) to our landlady. THEN he bought the subwoofer.

—Furthermore, he didn’t know his truck was going to break down the next day. Nor did either of us know I would be fired, or more accurately, body-checked, last Friday. I still say that that’s exactly why he should have “sat” on the subwoofer money before buying it. But that’s something we’ll have to work out in counseling.

—He agrees that he should have put his money where his mouth had been and gotten me something before getting the subwoofer. But either way, he says, the money still would have been spent.

—The store won’t take it back because it was purchased more than ten days ago. I made the call, just to be sure. “Not even to save a marriage,” I was told.

—I demanded, and got, points for keeping it together this long. I didn’t fly off the handle when I was fired, or when I tried and failed to get legal aid. I didn’t even go off yesterday, when the check was one day late. But not getting my check forced me to the breaking point, which I might not otherwise have reached. Besides the medication, and not having any food, I also didn’t have gas money. Which meant I couldn’t lean on my employment agencies to find me a position, because I wouldn’t have been able to drive to it. See what I mean? I felt stuck in a hole.

—We both agree that this might be a very different story if yesterday hadn’t been the kind of day it was.

—To illustrate that point, he peeled back his sleeve to reveal a round band-aid on his inner arm. Yesterday, he was doing a de-rig at Paramount. Everyone left early, about 11am our time, IIRC. They went back to finish the task today. I thought he would be home at noon, like he’d said, but he didn’t get here till just after one. The mail arrived, without my check, about five minutes later. Now I find out that he and his cow-orkers took that extra hour to donate blood. This goes a long way towards explaining his uncharacteristic hair-trigger temper.

—Our health plan covers marriage counseling, as well as anger and stress management.

—The job interview I was going to have yesterday, that was necessarily postponed, has been rescheduled for Monday. The location is a little more than a mile from our apartment. If I get it, that will be terrific.

—Thank you to all who offered help and sympathy.

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Rilchiam, I don’t really know what to say, except that it’s terrible that you had to go through this. I hope everything works out for the best, especially with your job interview and your marriage.

You’re in my thoughts.