We were in a big mall rushing around trying to get some shopping done, went whipping around a corner into a long corridor leading to outside, and my friend bumped into an old lady with a cane. She didn’t fall down or anything, but she started to chew out my friend really badly. She was like, “Oh very nice! Just bump right into me and keep on going! I hope when you’re old and crippled some little bitch tries to mow YOU down!” I’m totally not exaggerating.
The sad thing is, my friend is the sweetest person, and not at all the type to knock down little old ladies. She’s no BratMan. But I’m sure this old lady just cursed her in her mind for days. It really hurts when someone has totally the wrong idea like that.
When I was in high school, I was running down the hall with some friends. When I rounded the corner, I ran smack dab into the librarian, who was an ancient, but HUGE lady. She was probably near six foot, and about three hundred pounds. I didn’t sway her one bit. She just wrapped her big, flabby arms around me and said something like “Oh, how nice. I don’t usually get hugs from you children anymore.” then smiled and walked away. I was mortified, and my friends nearly fell down laughing at me.
Several years ago I was riding the “L” and dozing as I usually do when I have nothing to read and there are no good conversations going on within earshot. Anyway, I’m sitting next a really tiny and shriveled old lady when all of a sudden I have one of those weird sleep spasms and my arm shoots out, slamming into her chest. I woke up instantly, just in time to be completely mortified by what what I had done. I mean I whacked her good! Everyone on the car was glaring at me as though I had done it on purpose, but I guess my groveling and begging for forgiveness touched her somehow 'cause she forgave me.
There was a physics class. It was a niiiice class. Biiiiig class, in an auditorium. Elly sat in the first row - mostly because she wanted to see the board, and because otherwise she’d have fallen asleep in class. She sat next to her bestest friend.
One day, while the class was settling down, the professor asked Elly to make an announcement (regarding a faculty bash for new students), and so I did. As I was slowly raising my arm (by my side), to point toward the doors, indicating the general direction of the faculty common room, in a airline stewardess graceful gesture, I swung my arm up and it got caught on something. Without looking I just tried to move my arm again, then turned to see a red faced professor… and my fist smack into his groin.
General laughter broke out in the auditorium. I turned bright red. I never lived this down. The prof still sends me christmas and birthday cards.
Awhile back, I was in the strip joint I occasionally hang out in. A friend of mine was giving me a dance. Being friends, we were talking while this was taking place.
Did I mention that I talk with my hands a lot?
Anyway, she’s straddling my knees as I’m getting to the point in the story I’m telling her, and kind of leaning over me. As I get to the final sentence, my left hand, of its own volition, shoots out from across my chest and aims itself toward the wall.
Squarely backhand slapping her soft, large (natural) right breast as it travels.
Her eyes bulged out. My face turned red. I yammered apology after apology. We both started laughing and nearly doubled over because we couldn’t stop. I tipped her WELL. She bought me a drink.
It’s especially easy since the date is in [sub]teeny, teeny type.[/sub]
I opened up one thread and was considering a reply to it when I came across my username. I had forgotten that I had contributed to it months ago. Threw me for a [fruit] loop.
Just noticed that the OP was posted eight days before Wally passed on. Almost as if Crunchy knew that soon we would lose Wally as a role model, and have to carry on his legacy.
