I killed my dog today.
I don’t post here very often but I feel I have to today.
I’m currently living at home with my parents while I look for a job. It works out better than you might think as my Dad is temporarily disabled due to a long recuperation from a surgical complication.
One thing me and my Mom do every day (weather and schedule permitting) is walk our dogs, Bella and Maggie. Bella is a hyperactive scamp that is an equal mix of affection and adrenaline. Maggie is a placid, happy-go-lucky dog whose goals in life are food and a nap. We take them by car to the local park where there is a stream, grass and space that isn’t available in our housing development.
Today started out no different. We took Bella and Maggie to the park, they frolicked, played and pooped. We brought them home and took Bella by leash inside. Notice something missing? We didn’t.
Not ten minutes later when I took the other car for gas and groceries.
Not an hour later when we planned Mother’s Day dinner (now cancelled).
No, it was at least two hours later when we wondered where Maggie was. We weren’t panicked. She would often choose quiet, out-of-the-way places where she could nap undisturbed. It was when we realized she wasn’t in all of the usual places that we began to panic.
We then checked the car, then and ONLY then, did it hit us that none of us remembered seeing her around, or even leaving the car.
She was not moving when we found her. She was declared dead at the Emergency Vets (about thirty desparate too-long minutes later).
The vet guessed that Maggie had succumbed in about only ten minutes. She was an older, overweight dog with a thick coat and a heartworm condition that she had when we picked her up from the pound. It was a blessing that she went so quickly.
But she had suffered in those minutes. Her leash, a seatbelt, and a door lock had been chewed off or through. In the end, she was curled up under the driver’s seat. It was the coolest place in that oven for her final nap.
The worst of it is that she died alone, not knowing why she had been left, why she was suffering, why she was being punished. Dogs love and trust better than we know and deserve. I’ll never know if she thought that her beloved masters were just around the corner and she was only a moment away from a petting and a cool drink inside. If she could just be patient a minute longer, we’d come back.
But we didn’t. Not until it was too late to matter.
Why am I writing this to you? I suppose it is a kind of therapy. It’s not for recrimination. Feel free if you want, I don’t think I could feel any worse. It’s not for sympathy, people have already been so kind.
Here’s at least one reason why I am writing this.
My family loves pets.
We get them from pounds when there is a ‘vacancy’ at home. A few are strays we couldn’t turn away. They are well taken care of. None have ever run away or gotten lost. All have died of old age. My mother once found a stray puppy under a car at a thrift store parking lot. It was covered with mange and had just given up. She nursed to health over a year and then we gave it to a family that had space for a such a now large and active dog.
We knew the dangers of leaving a dog in the car. We KNEW! Twenty years of walking dogs, making sure there was water and a bowl in the car, making sure a window was at least cracked when parked (it was today, for all the good it did). Two decades of running the AC while driving even in the fall and spring.
But today we just forgot. We Did. Not. Remember. There must be a reason in the infinite gap between those three little words and I will wonder to my grave what it was. It was a busy day but we have had busier. Bella wasn’t being more of a distraction than usual.
Maggie would normally go off in a quiet corner and it could be hours before anyone noticed her. But if any ONE of us had just been paying attention, she’d be here now and I wouldn’t be ‘here’ now.
So if you remember this story, if it leaves a mark, maybe you will remember or double-check just ONE more time on your own dogs. I’m not saying you don’t but my parents are the most caring and loving pet owners I know and it happened to us. And some good will have come out of this terrible day.
Maggie will be buried at our local pet cemetary, near about six of our former dogs. We have a lock of hair and a paw impression. We can’t drive the car because of the chewed-off seatbelt (which we deserve) and will probably sell it once repaired because of the bad memories.
It is likely that we will get another dog when we are ready. Bella is just beginning to notice her friend is missing and she doesn’t do well as an only dog. The cat, surprisingly, is pitching in a surrogate dog in the meantime.
I’ll try and remember Maggie in my own way (this post is obviously dedicated to her and is just a start). Thank you all for being here this far.
Here’s a picture of Maggie on happier days. At least she will have some kind of internet immortality.
