My faithful little dog Jake, who often came to work with me and wouldn’t let me out of his sight, was hit by a car outside my house and died shortly after at the emergency vet’s. I feel SO guilty and awful and sad. His sole bad habit was going across the street to check the dumpsters in the alley, if he got the rare chance. (He was an emaciated stray when I got him, so his occasional wanderlust wasn’t a new thing.) The back gate didn’t latch properly last night, he got out without me realizing it, and 5 minutes after he went out the back door he was hit. Friends came over last night after I got home, but I haven’t been able to sleep, my boyfriend’s on call, and my other dog hasn’t left the couch - I think she’s missing her pack mate. She didn’t even get up for her morning dog biscuit, and she NEVER misses that!
I’m almost all cried out for now, but I feel so terrible for not checking the gate. When it gets light I have to go clean his blood from the car seat, and gather up his bed & toys & put them away. I was going to take him to Petsmart today to buy him a dog coat because he loved long hikes but wasn’t furry enough to stay warm for a long time in the
mountain snow.
Please tell me I’m not an awful and irresponsible person for not checking the back gate. I’m going to have to hear that alot in the next few days.
You aren’t an awful or irresponsible person. Not at all. It’s very easy for a latch to not quite catch right. The death of your dog isn’t a horrible thing that you let happen. It’s just a horrible thing that happened. Not your fault at all. Maybe the fault of the person who hit him.
I wish you and your other dog all the strength you need to get you through the grieving time.
I’m so sorry, Carina. You weren’t horrible or irresponsible, and Jake wasn’t to blame either. You took every reasonable precaution. Jake was just doing what dogs do, which involves roaming, sniffing, checking out that that whole wide world of tantalizing sniffs.
Sometimes, with the best care and love, we can’t keep harm away. Jake was a lucky dog; a much loved, solid member of a human/canine pack. There is no blame.
Mourn a good dog…but go to the pound and bring home a great-hearted woofer. Not as a replacement for Jake but a continuation.
All comfort to you, Carina. They steal your heart, don’t they?
OOOHHH Carina you are most certainly not an awful person. It is obvious how much you love your dogs and especially noticeable in that you picked up a stray and gave it such a wonderful life like it would never have experienced otherwise. You gave your dog happiness. It is not your fault that your dog also had habits left over from its time on the streets, not at all. Yes it is unfortunate that the gate was unlatched but nobody is perfect all the time and accidents unfortunately do happen. Chances are it could have happened a hundred times with no bad consequences, it is just extemely unfortunate that an accident happened that one time.
I applaud your love for your animals and inherent kindness and grieve with you in your loss
hugs Carina You must feel awful, but you shouldn’t blame yourself. I remember last year when my family’s dog, Itsa, had to get put down because she had learnt to jump our back fence (and we’re talking a normal sized fence, nearly 2 metres), and the Lost Dogs’ Home said they couldn’t rehouse her if she could do that. I felt terrible about that, I always felt that there must have been something we could have done, some way we could have kept her. In the end though I just had to accept that it was just something that happened, terribly sad though it was.
Oh, Carina, please don’t blame yourself. You made a mistake–you’re human. You took that sweet dog in, you fed him and loved him and made him a part of your life. Surely that more than balances a tiny mistake with the gate latch, if in fact that is what happened.
I sincerely hope the voice telling you that you are at fault is your own, BTW, because it makes me even sadder to think that someone in your family would not be loving and forgiving with you right now. If not, have that person read this thread.
I second the advice of getting another dog as soon as you feel ready. Think of it as something you can do in Jake’s memory that will help you as well.
Carina, you are NOT an awful person! Mistakes happen to everyone (IF neglecting to check that a gate locked properly CAN be classed as a mistake!)… grieve and forgive yourself. This is what life is for, IMHO: learning.
Believe me, I understand how you feel about this! Many years ago, our family had a puppy (named Muffin. Stupid name, but it was technically my mother’s dog, and that’s what she named it…) that everyone loved very much. It was a fairly small dog, and had a lot of personality… we even had nicknames for it based on funny things it would do.
One night, my sister and I were horsing around in the kitchen. Unbeknownst to me, Muffin had followed us into the kitchen and laid down on the rug behind me. Sis gave me a shove, and I jumped back, with my right heel coming down squarely on Muffin’s spine with all of my weight.
Muffin died about 10 seconds later, in my arms, and I’m still (about 20 years later) not completely over it!
Shit, the stuff I tell you guys! My fiancee doesn’t even know this story, and she knows just about everything about me.
Poor Carina! I’m with everyone else here – accidents happen (with people as well as pets!), and there is no blame to lay on anyone. Remember the good life you gave Jake – the best gift you could have given him. And know that he would not blame you.
I’m tearing up a little right now myself, remembering dogs who got out of their pens and met their end in the road. Or our dear Miss Emily, whose slightly premature death (she was 11) we might have prevented – but we did not torture ourselves with thoughts of what might have been. Rather, we took comfort in the 11 years we loved her, and the fact that we were lucky to be with her at the end.
Take as much time as you need to grieve, Carina – and when you are ready, find some other little furry heart on which to lavish your love. There would be no better tribute to Jake.
I can’t add much to what others have seen, but I’ll restate that you are in NO WAY a horrible person for making an honest mistake, and any one of your friends or family who might tell you this is completely out of line. The fact that you took Jake in in the first place shows the kind of person you are, and I will join in saying that you should take home another stray dog and give them a good home, when you feel ready.
My cat is my child, and it sounds like you felt that way about your dog, too. I lost my two oldest cats a couple of years ago, and I still cry sometimes.
I don’t have anything to add to what has already been said, but I am sending a prayer and positive energy as you deal with this.
And, Carina? You didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t be everywhere at once, and you can’t blame yourself for this. Your friend knew how it feels to be loved because you took him in. You made him happy. You made sure that he had a good life.
Carina, it happens. I lost the best dog I’ve ever owned after he got loose and was struck by a car.
Far from being a bad, irresponsible person; you are a terrific and very responsible person for giving a stray dog a good home.
He’s finding yummy treasures in Heaven’s dumpsters as we speak, no doubt very happy and thankful for the love and care you gave him in his last days on this earth.
Oh, thank you all so much for kind words & hugs. It really helps. I took my old dog for a walk this morning and found Jake’s little collar on the street. Right next to the styrofoam ground beef container he was probably bringing back from the alley across the way…
sniff, I keep thinking I’m all cried out, but I’m not, yet. I will get another dog, I think, if only to keep my old dog company - and also to go on hikes with, since Phoebe is too arthritic to go far any more.
Now I have to go to work & try not to get teary eyed at inappropriate times. {{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}} back to anyone who has ever lost a dog, or cat. It’s not my first time, and I’m sure that it won’t be my last, but I know it truly sucks. xo
Carina, try to think of all the good times and delicious food that Jake would never have found on the street or in any dumpster.
You took Jake out of doggy hell and let him know what heaven is all about. I know that you are feeling sad right now, any honorable person would be. Do Jake’s memory right and go fix the gate’s latch today.
When you’re ready, head down to the pound and check out all of Jake’s brothers and sisters. They’ll be oh so glad to see you. You obviously have a big heart and plenty of room for one more friendly furball.
As the owner of a former stray who sometimes gets out, I understand completely. In my case, Raven dosent just go across the street, he runs! He can be hell to chase down, he’s a big black lab, and when you catch him he has this big goofy “Hey! There you are! Isn’t this fun?” look on his face. What happend wasn’t your fault, it was simply Jake being a dog. I might suggest that you let your other dog sniff Jake’s body before you bury him, so he’ll understand that Jake is gone. That way he won’t be looking for Jake. I think a new dog is an excellent idea, certainly not to replace Jake, but to continue the love a cannine/human relationship entails. There is another dog out there who despertly wants to have the benifit of your love, and to love you back.
It is so awful to lose a pet. But you didn’t do anything wrong. There’s no way any pet owner can protect our fuzzy little friends from every situation they get themselves into. Otherwise, it would be you, the dog, and an empty white room. It sounds like you gave Jake a great doggy life, with plenty of love and attention. Accidents happen despite our best efforts to watch out for them all the time.
If you go on crying for as long as you need to, I bet you will eventually get to that place where you can think about Jake and be happy remembering him instead of sad. So I’m sending you big virtual hugs, pats for Phoebe, and a box of tissues.
Carina, I’m leaking tears sitting here reading all this. You are most certainly NOT a bad person for what happened , so don’t kick yourself. And I second the motion of others here who said a good idea would be to go get another pack mate for your second dog. Just think, that one would now get to be the alpha dog. When I had my cat Baby put to sleep last year I had another cat within the week. Didn’t mean I wasn’t mourning Baby, but it was a way to celebrate his memory, by rescuing another pet. Take care of yourself, and don’t listen to ANYONE who tries to put you down about the latch.
Carina, I am so sorry. It’s hard enough to lose a pet, but to lose one unexpectedly…I can’t even imagine.
I’ll echo what everyone else has said…it wasn’t your fault. It was an accident, please don’t beat yourself up over it.
I hope you feel better soon.
{{{{Carina}}}}
When I was 12, I finally got the dog that I had begged my parents for all my life. She was the sweetest mutt ever, but she loved to chase cars. One day, she slipped out the door as I was preparing to take her out after school. I was so pissed off that she got out AGAIN, that I went inside and decided to take my time to get her leash and some food to lure her back. All of a sudden, I heard this terrible screech of tires and little dog yips. I ran outside to see my poor little dog lying in the grass on the other side of the street, looking at me pathetically. This lady had pulled into our driveway and was looking pathetically and sadly at my dog. My grandma, who lived with us, was also there. The lady was saying over and over how sorry she was, I guess, but all I could concentrate on was her stupid keychain that had the name Cheryl on it. Since there was really nothing anyone could do, my grandma turned to me and said, “Thank the lady.” (Thank her?? For what?? But I guess that’s the older generation for you.) My best friend came over and helped me load my poor little dog into my red wagon so we could take her to the vet that was a block from my house. She died later that night, and I had to stay home from school the next day so I could cry and sleep all day in peace.
Although I’ve told many, many people about my grandma making me thank the lady for hitting my dog, I’ve never told anyone that the reason she got hit in the first place was my fault.
These things happen. It doesn’t make them any easier to accept, but blaming yourself doesn’t help either. Remember all the good times you and Jake had, and eventually the pain and guilt will go away. So sorry to hear about your loss.
Carina, I feel just as bad as you do right now. I have to take my wonderful black lab, Adam, to go and meet his prospective new family in about one hour. The details of why this is happening are long and dramatic; let’s just say that Adam is a hunter and the neighborhood animals are coming up missing in droves.
But he’s so great with people. He’s a big baby, actually. He thinks he weighs 25 pounds when it’s more like 125, and he tries to climb in my lap.
I don’t know if I can do this.
Okay, well, Carina, maybe it ain’t the exact same situation, but honey, I’ve cried a river over this and I know you’re crying too.
What is it about these goddamned dogs that we’d rather not live without?
