I was sitting at home, working on the D&D adventure I was going to run last night, when my phone rang. I looked at the clock and thought, “That will be Steve calling and asking if I am going to be there. Just like every week.” Instead, it was Dave, another friend that lives in the same town as Steve. He asked me if I had heard about Steve yet, and I said no, what.
Dave tells me Steve was on a choir retreat that day and apparently had an aneuyrism burst in his brain. He was dead. I couldn’t believe it. But we don’t do those kinds of jokes. We talked for a couple of minutes and I told him I would try getting ahold of some friends living out east.
I drove over last night, a large group of us showed up until Linda, his wife, asked us to go. I am going back today. I am putting if off right now, because it is so hard.
We have all known each other since our freshman year in college, 1980. Linda and I went out for a few months before she hooked up with him. And we have been gaming together the entire time, and going to game conventions together since we could afford it. He had a temper, and sometimes it would come out, but he was generous and friendly and a good friend.
His oldest daughter turned 8 last Wednesday, and he got off work early to take her out somewhere special. Then Friday he had a vacation day and they gave her a party. His other 2 girls are 5 and 3. They all will miss him a lot. All of us do.
Now I need to stop crying and go see how I can help my friend and the family he left behind.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost a friend, Lok. And that those girls have lost their father.
I lost a good friend to exactly the same thing nearly ten years ago now. All I can remember thinking is “Huh?” It was just so sudden, with absolutely no forewarning. It didn’t seem real.
Lok , I am so sorry for you and for the family of your friend. That little 8-year old will be hurting bad, but at least she has a happy party as a last memory. I lost a friend suddenly too. He had a massive seizure, with absolutely no history of them. It was the first funeral I had attended where the deceased was not only my age but I was well acquainted with him.
Take care, and I am sure any Doper responding to this would be open to long messages, if you need to talk.
Lok, I am very saddened to hear about your friend. My Mom had a brain aneurysm burst last December - it was such an unexpected thing, no warning signs whatsoever. My Mom was one of the very lucky, she lived through the rupture and brain surgery. Until my Mom’s aneurysm, I had no idea how sudden & often fatal they were.
Could your D&D group make a monetary donation to the Family or perhaps set up a meal cooking schedule (where different people bring the family a meal). These things may sound insignificant but they help out a grieving family tremendously.
Lok , I’m so sorry for your loss. Steve sounds like he was a great guy, and a wonderful father. Make sure you take care of yourself, and definitely have people who knew him around. Like Baker said, my email’s in my profile. I know how important the need to talk can be, so don’t hesitate to use it.
Thank you for your thoughts. We are all doing the best we can. Their family was very active in their church, so food and company has not been a problem. Steve’s family is staying at their place and her mother and father are right across the street.
The rest of our group of friends all live close to her, so they have been helping with the kids and answering the phone. I am an hour away, so I can’t really be there on short notice, but she knows we will all be there if she needs us. And the drive has helped give me time to get myself together on the way to see her the last 2 days.
They got the results of the autopsy today. It wasn’t an aneurysm in his brain. He apparently had a congenital defect in his aorta, that leaked inside the pericardium. The aorta just finally gave away completely. They said he probably grabbed his head because of a sudden burst of pain, then it was over. They said there was no sign of injury or heart disease, it was just a defect that failed.
They made the arrangements today. Linda asked the Saturday night group to be pallbearers and told us we were welcome to say a few words at the service. I would like to do that, but I am not much of a speaker. And I don’t know if I can make it through very much. But I am thinking about it.
I appreciate the offers of email. You can see from my post count that I am not extremely active here, but I really needed to share and I know there are good people here.
I need to call my travel agent tomorrow. I have the week off because I was going to Worldcon in San Jose Wednesday. I am obviously not doing that, but my mother tells me I should go ahead an fly out Thursday. But that doesn’t really feel right. And I am really glad I had to change my original plans to drive out. I would have left Saturday morning and would not have found out until at least Wednesday. That would have been horrible.
Thanks again for listening and the offers. I think it is time to see if I can get to sleep. It took a while last night.
My thoughta are with you and your friends on this day. The State has little enough decent gamers. Well if you come to BASH this Febuary, I’ll be at the LARP Playing Josua Allen. Come look me up.
we Dopers must stick together!
