I am so sorry that you to had to endure that tragic accident.
Comparing that to me, you must feel like I had a lifetime with Emma. If a pet owner only had 65 days with their loved one, they would be wanting for 5.5 years. The 5.5 year love affair is wanting for 11 years, and so on!
It’s definitely the worse thing that has ever happened to me. I know for some people, reading that confession sounds like I lead a…comfortable life. But in reality, I just don’t ask or expect much. But it would have been nice if cancer could have left my puppy alone.
Would you mind sharing your girl’s story with or? Or via PM? If not, I completely understand.
I have had many friends that loved their horses. Living within city limits, most of them would board them out in the country and see them once or twice a week. That’s the part I never understood. I would need to see my horse all the time!
Emma was “family” in the truest sense of the word. Your grief is legitimate. No need to defend it.
I’m sorry for your loss. I know the feeling. I had to make the decision with our oldest cat three years ago. Lucky left us while I held him in my arms. I still cry, despite having an entire family of four pawed kids in the house to this day.
Remember they supposedly need us more than we need them. Uh huh. Channel your grief into giving and love. Go to a shelter and rescue another dog. Maybe this will help.
Omar - I lost a doberman to osteosarcoma three years ago, and I have a standard poodle who right now is living with sarcoma. I’ve had the tumor removed, but I don’t know how much time she has. All I can tell you after a lifetime of loving (and losing) dogs is that your heart goes on. And no new dog “replaces” a lost pet, but that your heart is like a Tardis and has room to love so many.
I lost my special dog in December last year. It was sudden (snake bite), and way too soon.
I’m still not dealing with it particularly well, but I don’t know any other way to be. Not a day has passed that I haven’t had a little cry for her (which is very unlike me - I’m much more of a stiff-upper-lip person), but it least it’s usually a few tears now, instead of relentless sobbing.
I’ve had other dogs and while losing them was very sad, it was nothing like this.
I tried a month ago to get another dog, to keep my remaining one company, but it didn’t work out. Partly between the dogs, but also because I wasn’t ready for another dog
It’s kind of you to ask. This is a link to the thread I made about her, but it’s mostly pictures. I couldn’t write about it then and can’t do it now either. When I think about it, I’m terribly afraid we kept her too long with us when she was in pain. But I know at the time, we were trying hard all the time to make decisions for her and we did the best we could do.
Bolding mine. I like that phrase. I’m going to steal it.
These are my two favorite dog poems, both by Kipling. They speak to our love of dogs, and the pain we feel when we lose them. When my dog dies I’m having a grave marker made with the first phrase of “His Apologies” Master, this is Thy Servant
Lilith was beautiful! How old was she? Did you have her since 8 weeks of puppyhood? Your 2 cats are beautiful as well!
Even though we did not get the official diagnosis of lymphoma of the heart, by “possible” way of tumor on her heart until after her death, I think her heart function started slowly declining 2 years ago after her 2014 yearly exam. I kick myself for missing her 2015 appt (we had alot going on), but all the Vets and oncologists said there was nothing that could have been doing. As a matter of fact, her 2014 diagnosis was simply to lose 10-15Ibs that she had gained, hardly typical of the weight loss usually associated with cancer.
If she had been diagnosed with cancer last year, I probably would have opted for any and all available treatment that I could have afforded. And if I couldn’t afford it, I probably would have found a way to do so. So I completely understand your wanting to keep her for as long you possibly could.
My wife is glad that we did not know, so that she got to live as long a natural life as she could without chemo or radiation. She also states that I probably would have been a mess for that entire time of “knowing”. She is probably right.
But she reminds me that I alway babied Emma (as well as my other dog), always gave them what they wanted, and always treated them like it was their last day on earth.
During the last week that Emma was alive, my wife had already scheduled a flight to visit her 90yr old grandfather. My wife was about to start a new job, and this was possilbly the last time she could arrange to see her grandfather for a very long time. At the time, Emma’s diagnosis was a possible thyroid issue, so I cleared my work schedule, told my wife to not cancel her trip, and for almost a solid week, myself and the 2 dogs hung out in the air-conditioned house, watched movies, and did many dogpark visits.
During that last week, Emma was on a pain killer, antibiotic, and appetite enhancer, so she was feeling invincible! We had a beautiful time. As the week was ending, the official word was to stop the pain killer & appetite pills, and start the thyroid medicine. This was when she declined again, and when she ended up passing away.
My wife returned the night before, so she got to see Emma for about 14 hours prior to her passing. She slightly regrets still taking the trip, and I remind her that I was with Emma the entire time.
When I look at back at those final moments, I guess I couldn’t or wouldn’t have done anything different had I known it was going to be her final days. Other than letting her finally taste chocolate on her last day with us.
I truly hope that when you feel up to it, you will talk about Lilith’s life and all the compassion and love that she gave you. I also hope that one day, you share with us the compassion, love, and sacrifices that you made for her in that final year of her life.
You and I are probably in the same place right now.
We lost our special boy, a three-year-old big guy, to hemosarcoma that wasn’t diagnosed until the night before we had to let him go. He was, literally, acting just a little sick for a day before we took him in.
1st dog: Female Border Collie mix (mostly BC); she was 8 weeks old when acquired, was the benevolent dictator until she passed at 13 from Cushing’s Disease (tumor on the pituitary gland–messed things up quickly; she threw about 50 seizures on her last day so we put her down.) We were hoping for 2 more years on meds. Didn’t happen. Average age for BCs=14.
2nd dog: Female BC/Golden mix; 2 years old when rescued (1st dog was 4 at the time); inseparable until 1st dog passed. Died this past Columbus Day at 14.5 years. She had many, benign, soft tumors and the vet suspected one ruptured and she was bleeding out. Wasn’t about to put a critter that age through a transfusion and exploratory surgery–especially since she had had an operation the previous week for eye trouble. Euthanized. Goldens average 9-10 years, so we didn’t know what to expect for longevity.
1st and 2nd dogs were cremated and their ashes are in little cedar boxes on the mantel.
3rd dog: Female pure-bred BC; rescued from puppy mill one year after 1st dog passed–age 3 to 5. Been with us 3 years. Good companion for 2nd dog. Still here, still rotten.
4th dog: Female BC mix; rescued from shelter three months after 2nd dog died–been here since January. 3rd & 4th = thick as thieves.
Just typing this has made me cloud up and rain a touch. All four were spur-of-the-moment acquisitions–I trust my wife in the choosing-dog department and she has come through four out of four times. #1 was “my” dog, #2, then #3 were “hers,” and now #4 is “mine.” There is no formula for which or when (or How Many :)). Trust your gut; mine doesn’t lie to me often. Some times I don’t listen but that’s another story.
For one year, you guys had just your 2nd dog. How was that dynamic for you and your wife? How was it for your 2nd dog? Do you think she grieved at all? And did she immediately accept your 3rd dog?
So very sorry for your loss! Like you, I am also not dealing with it particularly well.
I still am sobbing on a daily basis for mine, probably will be for a long time.
How old was your baby? How long did you have her? How is your other dog handling it?
I completely understand if you would rather not talk about it.
We had 1st dog for four years before we got 2nd dog, so going back to a one dog house was no big deal. We worked out a code phrase between us: if one of us was alone grieving and the other walked in to the room, we’d say, “I’m having a [1st dog] moment,” and we gave each other space. I jumped heavily into The Dope–my handle was 1st dog’s nick-name–for a bit and then backed off as I became less grief-stricken. And, of course, we spoiled 2nd dog rotten(er). And she ate it up. The first couple days she was looking around the house a lot, like Wasn’t there another dog here? Must’ve gone to that farm upstate, but I didn’t see (or maybe recognize) any grieving behavior. When 3rd dog arrived, 2nd dog immediately tried to make friends but 3rd dog needed a little more time (20 minutes, I kid you not); 3rd dog snapped at her at first (only once), then they went to separate corners of the back yard and “ignored” each other, nonchalantly moving closer to each other every few minutes until they were back-to-back. End of conflict. It was fascinating and funny at the same time.
I read most of the dog threads here and there’s quite a bit of dog conflict. It’s natural. It’s to be expected. But then I wonder how we drew the golden ticket because none of our dogs have demonstrated ANY of that behavior. In any combination. My best guess: They all got equal treatment at the same time and said to each other Yeah, you’re a fellow dog but THEY have the food/treats and that’s all that matters. Mercenaries to the end.
She was 7-ish, and I got her when she was 3-ish. They were both surrendered to a rescue together and the dates on their details were inconsistent, so we’re not 100% sure of ages
So only 4 years together but we fit a lot in, in those 4 years. She was definitely a once in a lifetime dog. My other dog (approx. 1.5 years younger) is doing fine now. He was very quiet and subdued for a while, and quite clingy. We’re slowly working on him being alone for a while (a couple of hours at a time) and it seems to be going smoothly. But he is very much more attached to us now that my girl is gone and always wants to be nearby. I’m planning on doing some agility / rally stuff with him, to keep him active and socialised
He encapsulates what I am going thru right now, especially the part about clinging to the memory therefore living in anguish. At this point, it’s all heartbreak.