I love my friends BUT.....a long semi rant.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have four best friends. We’re collectively known as the Girls. We talk about everything and there’s no judgement,just support and advice…

OR SO I THOUGHT…

<little backstory>

There’s R, who is currently pregnant and the father could be her SO or her fuck buddy. Plus she has a 3rd guy who she’s never touched but accepts gifts from (flowers,a cell phone,diamond earrings,etc) from.

Then there’s M,who had a baby and threatened to never let the father see it unless he married her.

Then we have D, who’s currently dating a guy with no job,no car and who’s on probation.

Next is J,or as we call her instant slut,just add E.

I know this sounds bitchy. They’re all great people and I love them to death but this is why I point out their issues:

Recently I went from being friends to being more than friends with a man I met online. We’ve never met IRL. I consider him one of my best friends and if both of our situations were different ::sigh::

Well one morning I called him from my work to say good morning and R overheard how I talk to him. She sits in the cube behind mine so she couldn’t help it. And granted I do get kinda,ok very girly on the phone with him.

So she pulls me outside to ask about him and I tell her. And she flips out.
How can you have feelings for someone you’ve never laid eyes on,how do you know he’s not just pulling your chain,etc. Then she emails every other Girl so they can dogpile me as well.

I know they mean well and that they’re looking out for me but…after the things they do and the choices they’ve made,they’re going to question MY judgement? To the point of telling me if I do meet him f2f they won’t speak to me? That I should just stop speaking to him?

So…after talking to him about the whole situation I decided to lie to them. I know,bad bad hardygrrl. I told them I was taking a 2 week breather from him,no emails or phone calls. I will be emailing him and calling him though…that way everyone involved is happy.

I just don’t get it…they know talking to him makes me happy and they want me to stop…WTF?

2

Some people just can’t accept how real online relationships can be.

What always amuses me is every objection they bring up applies to face to face relationships as well. People just assume face to face you can sniff out the weirdos.

I would have given them the “they’re just being protective” excuse until the silent treatment if you meet him bit. They are petty little hypocrites. If you can’t have feelings for him without meeting him, I like them to explain how they apparently can, since they’ve obviously judged him guilty of something.

{{{Hardygrll}}} Hang in there. They’ll either come around and confirm your trust they are friends, or they won’t and you are better off for knowing, however, painful that knowledge might be.

Good luck. I’ll be praying for the happy ending.

3

{{{Verrain}}}

Thank you :slight_smile:

It amazes me…I find someone who I can talk to on the phone for hours,who makes me laugh,who gets my jokes and who understands that even though I come across hardcore, I’m really just a girly girl deep down. A punk rock girly girl.:slight_smile: He doesn’t find my love of wrestling odd or my Jeff Hardy fetish…one time we talked about wrestling for two hours.

I find this man who can read my twisted mind and finish my sentences and I’m just supposed to give him up?

Think again.

4

My friends are like that too. My (well used to be now) best friend slept with a guy she was just good friends with, thought not much of it. I slept with my best friend, whom I love more than anything else in the world right now, and I’m a slut…gotta love the irony.

Try talking to her/them. Let them know that you care about their opinions, but it’s your life, and not theirs. Maybe they’ll see the error of their ways, and maybe not. But hey, it’s worth a try, right?

5

Everyone? Or everyone but one?

Misery loves company, and the company sure does hate non-misery.

6

{{{Hardygrrl}}}

If they are the friends they say they are, then they should stand behind you, even if they don’t agree with you. (You know where I stand on the issue.) It’s possible that they think by putting you in a corner, you wouldn’t risk losing their friendship. It rarely works that way.

I hope it works out, hon. I really do.

7

this board has shown us just how real non face to face relationships can be. it is hard to explain to people. i believe drastic is right misery loves company.

8

Been doing a lot of thinking…

Talked to R just a few minutes ago and I tell her that it’s really going to hurt me to cut off communication w/ him (That’s why I’m not going to) and she says…

" Oh don’t worry about him. He’ll be ok. He’s just using you anyway. Now what should I do about…" and goes into asking me what should she do about her problem-the pregnancy and should she keep it,get an abortion,etc.

I think part of their problem is they want my attention focused on them. If I’m talking to somebody else, they might have to make up their own minds once in a while. I say this especially because the day I was talking to him from work, R kept interrupting me for no good reason.

I don’t know…I don’t want to have to choose between him and them BUT if things do progress any further I may have to. Will that suck? Yes.

Aren’t friends supposed to want to see you happy? Sheesh…

9

Sounds about right.
Another part of the problem might be that they have fallen into the stereotypical thinking that the people on the other end of the line are never really who they claim to be, but are instead perverted twisted psychopath pedophiles looking for cheap and tawdry affairs with women, children, and dolphins… :wink:

10

I am so pissed off!

I was talking to M and I gently brought up that since they don’t know him like I do,how can they rush to judgement so quickly-thanks Verrain. After all when I was with my fuck buddy-who I was admittedly using just for the sex-they were supportive but now that I found somebody I really like as a person,just because I met him online and not at a club it’s unacceptable?

I got another round of “you don’t know him and he’s probably some freak.” So I pointed out I have enough info on him to do a background check BUT since he’s basically told me everything and I’m not paranoid…

I was hung up on. Maybe y’all were right and boy is work going to be fun tomorrow…

11

Just for a minute here, let us consider the nature of friendship.

If your best friend decided to jump off a cliff for some reason, what would you do? You would attempt to reason with them, tell them the reasons that this might not be the BEST decision, and attempt to stop them from doing this.

If they didn’t listen, you would zip down to the bottom of the cliff and set up a trampoline. Because, this is what friends do. They attempt to prevent their friends from being hurt, and if it isn’t possible, they salvage.

Now, don’t mistake me here…I am NOT saying that your relationship is akin to jumping off a cliff.

What I AM saying is that your friends do not appear to be as concerned about how YOU feel, so much as they are concerned about how THEY feel.

My best friend is Cindy. Over the years, I have made some really bad decisions. When I was going through this, she lovingly pointed out to me that perhaps I wasn’t using perfect judgement. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I went ahead and did whatever it was I felt I had to do. When I did, and I got hurt, never ONCE did she ever say “I told you so!” She just loved me, and helped me to pick up the pieces.

THAT is the true nature of friendship, hardygrrl.

You can do better, honey. You already have…on this board, with these people who care about you so much.

And I am sending you ScottiHugs…it isn’t much, but it is all I can do given the limitations of this medium.

(((((((hardygrrl))))))

Much Love,

Scotti

12

Perhaps the fact that you are in a mutually caring relationship without fuckbuddies and baby blackmail makes them feel insecure about their own relationships?

And I agree - it sounds like your friends want to be the centre of your attention all the time. Maybe it would be for the best if you hang out with some other friends for awhile - just until you get your head sorted?

Good luck.

13

Well, here’s how people work. They can tell you their advice. And you are free to ignore it.

everybody gets one life to live. You can try to support others, but ultimately, it is their life, not yours. (And vice versa) Live your life as would honor you and make you happy.

Personally, threats, blackmail, and ‘persuasion’ make me ill and I generally ditch the source. I don’t like feeling pushed around. Friends are people you love, who love you, and mutually care for and help each other. They shouldn’t shove you areound or make you upset. That’s a sign of something wrong.

Live your life. If that is too much for them… eh…

14

Screw em! Screw the whole damn system!
yeah. you know, it sucks to have to lie to friends. It sounds like you’re less than happy though. You shouldn’t give them satisfaction at the cost of you feeling shut out and umm… I can’t think of the word. But rest assured you’re probably feeling it, and it’s not good. So yeah.

15

Damn girl. I don’t think your friends are really very interested in your emotions, I think that if you’ve found a guy that you just “click” with, go for it. I met a guy online who I still consider one of my best friends. He’s from my old hometown and goes to the same places that I used to hang out at, he’s even gotten to know one of my friends IRL that still lives there. She adores him, she’s so glad that I am happy. For that matter, she never tries to change the subject of conversation away from him. I guess what I’m trying to say is this— if you’ve found love, and they don’t appreciate that, ditch them. By the way you talk about them, your love for them grows from familiarity, not necessarily any underlying connection with them. You connect with this guy. Don’t give him up just because they tell you to.
~Fox

16

Update…

Going to work pretty soon…and if they’re pissed off at me oh well. I am going to argue my case however.

I understand their point but all I’m asking for is some support. I know things may not work out the way I want them to in either situation but…

Like everybody said,true friends would stand by you. I talked to one of my oldest and dearest friends last night and she wished me well.

Let’s see if they can be as open minded.

17

Well…

No chance to talk to anyone-WAY too busy at work and with the mood I’m in I would have snapped. Being a supervisor for the day sucks.:frowning:
I’ll try some other time I guess.

18

I agree with TP here. We’ve disagreed on a lot of stuff in the past (we have the battle scars to prove it :slight_smile: ), but we still stand beside each other.

Once again, I agree. Been There, Done That (right TP?). It didn’t work.

19

Yet another update…

Just got a lovely diatribe email from M. Apparently since the first guy I met online didn’t work out, they’re ALL bad. I tried explaining to her the differences between guy #1 and #2 but got the same BS in response.

I’ll keep saying it…why don’t they want to see me happy? Jealousy? Pettiness?

Whatever. It’s my damn life and I’ll do what makes me happy and they can kiss my ass.
Can you tell today was a bad day today? Boy do I sound cranky :slight_smile: