I love the North Korean News Agency

[Mahaloth]

I love how every story about Kim Il Sung ends with a very quaint little sentence that wraps it up.

Know your roads.

[elmwood]

@Rayne_Man

Could it be because Koreans put their family name first, followed by their given name, and assume the rest of the world does the same.

I don’t think so, because there are many KCNA stories about “Bush”. Not George Bush, George W. Bush, or President Bush, but just “Bush”. Here’s one example:

@Korean Crackpot News Agency

Pyongyang, June 23 (KCNA) – The Association of Christians in south Korea, which groups more than 30 organizations including the Missionary Solidarity Council of Christian Society, called a press conference on Monday in protest against the junket to south Korea of Bush, a war maniac, according to south Korean CBS.

There’s also articles like this:

@biddlebiddlebiddlebiddlebiddle

Foodstuffs good for health made of faggot fruit

Pyongyang, March 26 (KCNA) – In recent years, the scientists and technicians of the Korea Koryo Medicine Technical Center have succeeded in producing new foodstuffs from sweet fruit of aronia. The tree bears an average of 4 to 8 kg of fruits per year, 10 kg at best, from the third year after its planting. The fruit which weighs 0.6 - 1.5 g is efficacious for the treatment of diseases caused by high penetrability and fragility of capillary vessels for it abundantly contains vitamin P. Those foodstuffs produced at the center are good for preventing arteriosclerosis, hypertension, diabetes and affection of kidney. It is also used as expectorant and antidote.

And this bit of odd bombast.

@I haven't had any rice to eat in three years

The south Korean and U.S. bellicose forces’ war hysteria reminds one of a new born puppy knowing no fear of a tiger as it is a foolish self-destruction little short of jumping into fire with faggot on one’s back.

The DPRK loves peace and does not want war but will make merciless thousand-fold retaliatory strikes at those who desperately try to hurt it.

The south Korean authorities had better behave themselves, clearly understanding that their moves to escalate confrontation with the DPRK and provoke a war in collusion with outsiders would only bring disgraceful self-destruction.

That’s a work of art.

[Walmarticus]

Holy cow! That’s just surreal.

Be sure to watch the Vice Guide to North Korea.

[Uosdwis_R.Dewoh]

September 1. 2009 Juche 98

Even on Raining Day

Must be some kind of holiday.

Pyongyang, September 1 (KCNA) – It was on a rainy day in July Juche 97 (2008) when General Secretary Kim Jong Il called at Kanggye Unha Clothing Factory.

The officials of the factory were surprised to see trousers of the leader getting off the car wet.

I’d be surprised too.

Before the officials saluted him, he requested them to enter the factory quickly as it was raining.

Well, his trousers were wet.

Looking round the production site, dress sample room and others, he familiarized himself with efforts of its officials and workers.

So far so good.

When he was leaving, the officials of the factory earnestly told him that he would shelter himself from rain for a while.

Wait, what? Who’s sheltering from the rain, Kim Jong Il or the officials?

But he got on the car, saying that he had seen many good things at the factory and they should do much work for the people in the future, too.

No wonder he’s wet, you’re supposed to ride inside the car.

When the car went out of sight, they regretted belatedly that they had not given him a suite of spare clothes.

Aw, I’m sure he wont have you executed too much.

[tingbudong]

I’m not sure if this is better or worse than the official DPRK shop.

Did you check out the parent site? (http://www.korea-dpr.com).

Wonderful gems to be found in there…including a ‘forum’.

My personal favorite “Why You Should Support The DPRK”

#7. There is no unemployment…

[EvilTOJ]

I actually kind of like Propaganda 07.

[FairyChatMom]

What I wonder about - we had *Great Leader *and now we have Dear Leader. What title awaits the heir apparent? Nifty Leader? Super Leader? Amazing Leader? Bastard Son Leader?

The whole country is like one huge parody. Sadly, millions suffer within its borders.

[Raguleader]

@FairyChatMom

What I wonder about - we had *Great Leader *and now we have Dear Leader. What title awaits the heir apparent? Nifty Leader? Super Leader? Amazing Leader? Bastard Son Leader?

The whole country is like one huge parody. Sadly, millions suffer within its borders.

I vote for “Most Splendiferous Leader”, except that’s my personal nickname for Number Two (aside from, of course, “Number Two”. Never let it be said that I am above low-brow humor). To this day, I can’t decide if I find North Korea to be unbelievably hilarious because they seem to take all that stuff seriously, or generally terrifying because they seem to take all that stuff seriously.

Re: Propaganda #07: I want to learn at least enough Korean to caption that with the Korean phrase for “Stop, Hammer time!”

Sadly, I can’t directly read any of these North Korea comedy sites because the Republic of Korea has them all blocked (which at first annoyed me, but then I remembered that the BBC used to send secret messages to operatives and Resistance Groups in Europe during World War II…)

As an aside, I’d advise those of you who don’t actually like North Korea (I know, not liking North Korea?! But they’re so friendly and peace-loving!) to not buy anything from their Cafe Press store. A dollar spent on anything other than their Cafe Press swag is a dollar not supporting North Korea.

Plus, that’d be Capitalism. You wouldn’t want to make them go back on their ideals, would you?

[Rayne_Man]

*“The officials of the factory were surprised to see trousers of the leader getting off the car wet.”
*
Perhaps his incontinence pants were leaking.

[toofs]

That would be a great website for hackers to turn their energies towards. I’m not sure if they could do anything worse than the drivel the North Koreans already are posting.

[Gestalt]

@kidneyfailure

@Rayne_Man

Could it be because Koreans put their family name first, followed by their given name, and assume the rest of the world does the same.

In China Hilary Clinton is known as “Hillary” (or the Chinese phonetic transliteration of “Hillary”) and I wouldn’t be surprised if the same was true of the Koreas and other places in Asia.

But then how do people refer to Hillarys Swank and Duff?

[DarrenS]

I was looking for the news story about Kim Jung Il playing golf. Apparently he had never picked up a club before, but managed to score several hole-in-ones (holes-in-one?) on his first outing. Rumor has it that he routinely racks up 300s at bowling as well.

[running_coach]

@DarrenS

I was looking for the news story about Kim Jung Il playing golf. Apparently he had never picked up a club before, but managed to score several hole-in-ones (holes-in-one?) on his first outing. Rumor has it that he routinely racks up 300s at bowling as well.

I’m surprised he doesn’t bowl 400s.

[DarrenS]

@runner pat

I’m surprised he doesn’t bowl 400s.

But 400 is imposs…wait! I see what you did there!

Maybe they just got the reports backwards. He actually shot a 300 at golf, and scored 1 at bowling.

[Musicat]

@DarrenS

I was looking for the news story about Kim Jung Il playing golf. Apparently he had never picked up a club before, but managed to score several hole-in-ones (holes-in-one?) on his first outing.

Was that before or after he invented fire?

[Spoons]

@DarrenS

I was looking for the news story about Kim Jung Il playing golf. Apparently he had never picked up a club before, but managed to score several hole-in-ones (holes-in-one?) on his first outing. Rumor has it that he routinely racks up 300s at bowling as well.

Not sure if it’s the one you were looking for, but there is some sort of Kim-playing-golf story here, with a link to further information. It also mentions his bowling game.

[DarrenS]

@Spoons

Not sure if it’s the one you were looking for, but there is some sort of Kim-playing-golf story here, with a link to further information. It also mentions his bowling game.

That’s the one! Thanks. Wow, what a guy he is.

[Jackmannii]

@Mahaloth

Did you know an “organ” once tried to push a business out and use their store front as an office? I wonder what “organ” it was?

Back in the 1930s a Japanese spy organization known as the “Special Service Organ” tried to penetrate Nationalist China (sorry). Countering this dastardly organ was the famed Chinese counterintelligence chief Morris “Two-Gun” Cohen.

Makes for fascinating reading.

[Siam_Sam]

There’s a good report here: How digital technology gets the news out of North Korea.

But it doesn’t feel like it warrants a whole thread, so I searched for a suitable recent one to piggyback on and decided on this one because I always like to promote North Korea’s news agency as a precious form of entertainment, so this gets bumped up in the process.

[HazelNutCoffee]

The word for “organ” and “organization” are the same in Korean (기관).

Their articles are hilarious either way.

PS - oops, I just tried clicking on one of the links and got an official government page instead. I hope the police don’t come after me.