Jebus. She really is hopeless, then, if she even half-way believes that. I mean, why bother with men at all, then, right? Some good appliances and a supply of batteries is all she needs.
Still?
I will see your hijack and raise you one…you picked “iron your shirt” because it is applicable to men and women. How about men shaving their face? Cutting their fingernails? You could argue that the fingernail cutting is just part of proper hygiene, but all in all, our personal hygiene and grooming, is an all encompassing portrait of who we are. We as men are also expected to do things to keep ourselves looking decent and/or appealing.
I don’t go for women who can’t live without makeup, or who must always look impeccable. But I do like to see some effort to look nice. Much like I don’t particularly enjoy wearing cologne, but my SO likes it, so I do it - for her. (You can argue that makeup is uncomfortable - but I am very allergic and cologne has a knack of setting it off).
A person (man o woman) who just is themselves unapologetically and “take it or leave it” from the get go, doesn’t (IMO) promise much room for compromise in the future. Someone who refuses to wear a little make-up and do what little they can to improve their appearance (if only at times), is exactly this type of person I would avoid.
It’s probably best to not give someone the same advice repeatedly, not because you’re necessarily smug, but because it seems non-effective and therefore a headache. If you’re saying “maybe it would be helpful to go out with someone with whom there’s mutual attraction,” you’re giving good advice that may or may not be taken. If you go on and on about how when you took X, Y and Z course of action and that’s when you met Lord of the Lake and it is the best way to find a husband and now the two of you are smoochey-woochey happy but you remember back to the day when you were a loser like her…then you’re probably smug married.
But there is only so much compromising a person can do before they aren’t themselves anymore, and if they going into a relationship pretending to be something they are not, it’s going to be a problem, later.
It’s like if someone really doesn’t like football and they are interested in someone who loves football. If they fake loving football, it’s all going to fall apart eventually and then you have both the incompatability of one person being a football fanatic and the other not caring, PLUS you have the issue of dishonestly mucking up the relationship. Better to figure out right from the get-go if the relationships can survive the disconnect.
For me, all that appearance stuff really gets to the heart of who I am. I feel fake when I try to follow the sort of routine that many people apparently find normal–anything more than “clean and neat” makes me feel weird and uncomfortable in my skin. So I had to find a man who didn’t mind. Who really doesn’t mind, not one that’s willing to tolerate my quirks. This doesn’t mean I am not willing to compromise–I’m willing to compromise on all sorts of things. The man switched our house over to metric on sheer principle and I never complained. But “primping” (which has more negative connotations than I mean – there just isn’t a good word) is not for me.
What works for you - is all good.
My point wasn’t that a person should change who they are or pretend to be something they are not. Just to conform to a reasonable medium where an “effort” is seen (and will be appreciated).
I will put myself as an example: I HATE shaving. If there is one thing about the upkeep of my physical appearance that I despise, it is shaving. But I know I have to do it. I do it because my clients, employer don’t want to do business with a guy who looks “unkept”. I don’t want my employees to think “well if he can come to work looking like that, shit, so can I”. My SO digs a little shadow, but after a while it bothers her.
I don’t live in a cocoon, and regardless of the little importance that I give to what others may think, other people do see me. SEE ME. And regardless of how fair it may or may not be, I am in part, judged on my appearance. As independent as I may be, I do rely on human dynamics with these other people. Therefore, I conform to a standard of appearance that I know exists.
I have done hiring in which, as intelligent as a person may be, or even qualified, the way they “carry” themselves during the interview has been the reason for not getting picked. I won’t hire a person whom I think will not represent us well. Wrinkled shirt? Dirty fingernails? That is how you come to an interview? Sorry buddy, you are OUT!
But I digress…point is you are right, we shouldn’t pretend and we shouldn’t have to change who we are - but a little room and flexibility can go a VERY long way.
Of course you are, but none of them are comparable to wearing makeup. Women also shave and take care of their nails.
Okay, wearing cologne IS comparable to wearing makeup, but I’d never ask anyone to do it. And anyone who WOULD ask you to do it, when you not only don’t care for it but are actually prone to allergic reactions, is kind of an asshole.
Hey, everybody’s got their dealbreakers, and we’re all entitled to them. But one of mine would be “you’re just not pretty enough without makeup”.
Oh boy! You and I agree on most of it, just maybe not on the principle of the OP. I think the advice she is dispensing is that she has to be more approachable, and unfortunately, much like a job interview, appearance does matter (to most of us at least).
For the record: my SO isn’t an asshole or any degree of it. In compromise, I don’t wear cologne regularly and when I do, I manage to put it on in places that don’t have a negative effect on me. I would normally not wear any, but since she likes it, I wear some (in ways I can). That is a healthy compromise.
She has a pair of shoes I think look awful. I am not telling her to never wear them, or to toss them out. She avoids (when she can) to use them around me. If that makes me an asshole, well, them I guess I am.
But to each their own and I am glad we both (in our own ways) are happy. The OPs friend apparently, isn’t. Thus, her giving out some advice.
This is the one thing I’d focus on, not the makeover idea or even the attitude change. Ugly people can find love (often with other ugly people, granted, but then again not everyone has the same idea of what’s ugly). Bitchy women can find love (there are guys out there who will put up with it). But if you’re wasting time chasing guys who aren’t available, you’re not going to have time to find anyone decent.
Another vote agreeing with complaints 2 and 3 but disagreeing with complaint 1. This person may need a personality transplant but she doesn’t sound like she needs a makeover, not at all.
Ditto here. (Man speaking)
Wearing same shirt every day = boring.
Okay, the next time that she whines that she can’t get a boyfriend, that is when you pop her with the “don’t sleep with unavailable men*”. You’ll never find Mr. Right if you spend all your energy on Mr. Right Now.**
Then seque into how to give a man a chance. And as suggested, use questions to set the tone and direct the conversation.
- Married, military on leave, etc.
** The guy who only wants you Right Now. As opposed to the guy you want Right Now. Either isn’t great, but for this example, the first is more relevant.
Maybe she acts like she doesn’t like men because she doesn’t like men.
Maybe she’s still coming to terms with her sexuality. Maybe she’s a lesbian, or bisexual.
Or maybe she knows what she is and hasn’t clued YOU in.
And a year ago you had undergone a trauma and needed a slap in the face, more or less, to wake up and get on with your life.
That is no comparison to what you’re saying now. You’re just telling her she’s a mess, on a more or less permanent basis, and not in the sense that she’s been traumatized into it. Just that she is this way, and you think if she gets all shiny and clean and rubs up to men with a nicer purr, everything will get better.
Good luck with that.
You would say this to her face? That if she wore a bit of makeup she would almost be pretty?
How old is she? If she is in her early to mid 20’s, she may be going thru a phase where she really does hate men due to real or imagined hurts caused by them. I’d be talking to her about that - if she really wants a relationship with a man (and ask her about that too), why is she so hostile to them?
And lay off the hair, makeup and clothes. No man worth his while is attracted to just that and if nothing else, we cannot keep it up as the years go by and gravity takes it’s toll! If she fixes her attitude and starts enjoying her life, she won’t be able to beat them off with a stick. I know, it happened to me in my 30’s and I am no beauty queen! 
Signed - no makeup, boring clothes, long hair, glasses and very happily married for over 15 years.
Yeah, um, no. Just pointing out that you’re an asshole.