EEP!
My niece! I’d piss on her if I had to!
Sorry, Baby Bongo Butt, didn’t mean to forget you. 
I’m spaztastic! 
Urg. Straddling two cultures is a hard thing to do. I’ve seen a handful of people do it, some successfully, some not. The ones that didn’t lost themselves in the crushing expectations of their families, all the while living in an American culture that encourages individuality and self-determination. I watched an Afghani woman struggle with her family life vs her American Dream, and I’ll give you the advice I wish I could have given her:
Unlike most of us, you have a choice of two cultures, where most of us have only one choice. But that choice comes at a cost, as no matter what you choose you will lose someone’s respect, because their values are tied up in their culture. What you have to do is make them see you as someone who must make a decision about who you are, and who you want to be. Those that criticize do so from the safety of their culture. You, on the other hand, have a choice to make based on what you want. Not only that, but you have a delicate balancing act to perform based on your first-hand experiences with another culture and language you first learned. More than even us pioneering Americans, you have to see yourself as a unique sum of the parts of two very different cultures that you have lived in, and demand that everyone from either culture respect the decisions that you have had to make alone. You must be judged on the consistent, coherent values that you present to the world, rather than on the values inherent in either culture.
Vlad/Igor
If you do call your mother, I hope things go well. That said, I don’t think you should buy into the bullshit that “They’re family, blood is thicker blahblahblah”. I’m the black sheep of my family. I see my mom once a year and I haven’t spoken to my father in 7 years.
Sometimes having a relationship to certain people is harmful to you, and in that case it’s perfectly within reason for you to not speak to or spend time with them. Any asshole can pop out a kid- that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to put up with their shit forever. Just don’t beat yourself up if you ever decide that being in contact with your mom is not in your best interests.
Now that said, and I certainly don’t know your mother or any other details about her other than what you’ve said, but I can kind of see her side to the story. A lot of people that adopt do hide it, and some adoptees only find out by accident. Not saying it’s the right thing to do, but a lot of people do it. And also, when you’ve grown up in a certain culture and things have always been done a certain way, it’s difficult to expect them to cast off those customs. If you truly desire a reconnection with her, show her the same understanding and respect that you want her to show you.
Oops, upon reading my post, I shouldn’t have implied that she popped you out. Obviously, someone else popped you out and she adopted you. Sorry.
I don’t agree with this. As an adoptive mother, my (adopted) son is as much my child and my “blood” as my (biological) daughter is.
On the other hand… I appreciate that many people go beyond the call of duty to keep peace with their families. Good for them. But life is short. For those whose lives have been - and continue to be - made miserable by those who call themselves “family,” I don’t think it makes sense to feel guilty for moving on. Sometimes you gotta create your own family.
None of this is meant to be advice for the OP, btw.
Anaamika, how did everything go?
I hope you had a wonderful, or at least civil, reunion. Let us know what happened.
Me too!
How did it go? waits hopefully
I haven’t had a chance to do it yet, as she was working. However, it should be this weekend.
I’ll be back then! Thanks!
Let me just jump in here to give some support. I don’t have any personal experience to share, since my own family has always been fairly close-knit, which seems to be the exception rather than the rule nowadays.
However, I have known quite a few people who have severed relationships with a parent or family member, and then felt a lasting regret after that person died and they had not reconciled.
I hope things work out for you.
{{{Anaamika}}}
Good luck, Aanamika, I hope things go well and your mother is past the brouhaha to see that you’ve grown up to be a really cool person. And let me give you an eight-years-too-late round of applause for being brave enough to buck among our sillier customs to live your life the way you please.
Aanamika, as a birth mother let me tell you that family is a very subjective word. When I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and he was adopted, I never thought that his family would become mine. After six years(dear God, has it really been THAT long?!?!), we go on family vacations together and I’m an unoffical aunt.
Family are the people who accept you and love you for YOU. No matter what happens, be it disagreements, uneasy silences, or just the fact that they don’t understand, true family will always welcome you home and back into their hearts.
Anaa, just a quick word of support. I hope that things go well, and you have my best wishes.
This post makes me want to cry. It seems that since my birth mother had two other kids, she could care less about me. You are a good person.
WOW, very nice post. Posts like this are one of the reasons I like this board.
And Annamika, good luck, best wishes, hope for the best, expect the worst (sorry just channelling my family here)
It’s not that I’m a good person. His parents wanted me to not only be a part of his life, but a part of theirs as well. I got to be there when his mother explained to him that he was adopted. Granted he doesn’t really grasp the concept yet, but it was wonderful to hug him and know that he will understand someday.
I called her this morning.
It went fairly well, we didn’t talk about past things, but she said a couple of times about other people, “I think they should just live their life the way they want to,” And that was pretty clear, I think.
I gave her my phone # and we’re going to try to call each weekend or every other weekend and communicate.
I felt a lump in my throat when my dad came on the phone, but I guess it’s the curse (or blessing) of every daughter to feel strongly about their dad. My dad was uneducated and unsure of what to do with a daughter, but I still love him.
They also told me that my name is still on the will…they told me years ago they’d removed it. I know money doesn’t really mean anything, but it is good to know they still want me on it.
Thank you ALL for your support. It really helped to read other peoples’ stories. I’m going to try and stay in touch with them now.
I’m so glad it went so well for you. Thanks for the update. And congrats on being brave enough to make the effort.
That’s wonderful!
Word. 
snogs Anaamika, hugs tightly
Anaamika, I’m glad to hear it went so well. Good on you for making the first step!