I may need to file a lawsuit...

In My Humble Opinion
1

If I could figure out what sort to ask for. :confused: I know I’m not supposed to ask for legal or medical advice, but if I knew what to ask a lawyer* for*, it might be a start. I posted a related question yesterday, and apparently asked the wrong question, so here’s me, trying from a different angle.

It has been over 4 years since my mother threatened to kidnap my children to save them from me. Most of 2 years since she told me that requiring my kids to clean their own rooms and do household chores will drive them to run away or commit suicide. (Funny, how she didn’t think that when I was a kid, but I digress.) :rolleyes:

She files false police reports and false DCF reports regularly and repeatedly. (Every time she doesn’t get the response she wants, she escalates in who she calls or what she accuses. It is far beyond the original complaint by now.) The kids have been interviewed over 20 times by various professionals. :mad: I have requested a Protection from Stalking/Harassment order and been denied. I was told by one of the Sheriff’s deputies that they won’t prosecute false police reports, because they don’t want to discourage people from making the ones that need to be made. :smack:

I’m guessing that filing suit for slander would be foolish, since there’s no money to be made from it (she’s on a fixed income) and I’m not sure if she’s competent to go to trial in any case. The family has been informed by medical professionals that we cannot commit her involuntarily unless we are ready to stand for the entire bill. (So only wealthy people can toss someone in the loony bin? I guess being poor has to be good for something…) The doctor told us he won’t order her committed unless she is a danger to herself or others. (I don’t think she’s taking good care of her own health, and she’s going to drive me to a heart attack from the stress, but I don’t suppose that’s acute harm, so she gets a pass.)

I was tempted to pit her for the double standard that she can lie about me with impunity, while I am barely allowed to tell the truth about her, due to privacy and civil liberty law. But I am hopeful that someone might know what I need to ask for, rather than just, “sucks to be you,” as I already know, it sucks to be me.

A bit of history: She has been under doctor’s care since 1960 in one form or another. These days, her diagnosis is Bipolar, but she’s never, ever, shown any signs of depression, which makes her a statistical minority in that group. I fear that she’s on some form of mood elevator that is keeping her in a constant manic or hypomanic state. Or on the wrong meds entirely, or having a dosage or combination-of-drugs problem.

TL;DR: Other than a Protection from Harassment order, what should I ask a lawyer to file to protect my kids from my delusional mother?

2

As you have noticed, the criminal legal profession is loathe to intervene in family matters.

Until she actually physically harms someone, I’m guessing they are going to say “Our hands are tied” (if not the it sucks…).

You could go for a restraining order - a court order specifying a certain person(s) or group NOT engage in certain conduct.

Call a lawyer who specializes in Family Law - usually divorce/custody/alimony, but they are the closest to your complaint.

Are the kids old enough to understand what is going on? How soon until they are 18 and beyond her reach?

3

Sending this over to IMHO. I sincerely hope you’re able to get some good answers on this.

4

I thought that people can get in as much trouble for filing a CPS report that they know is false as they can for doing something that results in a legitimate report. That’s definitely true here, anyway.

5

Eldest daughter recently turned 13. Is vehemently offended that she keeps getting pulled out of class to talk with the school counselor, among other complaints. Youngest daughter will turn 10 next week, and probably understands more than I wish she did. (She was witness to the original kidnapping threat, though mom claims I made that all up to slander her.) As to being “beyond her reach” I’m 42, and I’m not beyond her reach yet, in some sense of the word.

I’ll ask about family lawyers. I’ve met the county attorney (his kids are in the same school with mine), had one very unsatisfying interview with legal aid and I’ve separately been to an interview with one of the local auto-injury type lawyers after an accident, but I’m guessing none of those is who I need to ask.

I was told that my state (KS) doesn’t do restraining orders. The choices I was given were Protection from Abuse (which I knew I wasn’t eligible for, since there was no physical abuse, and I don’t live with her) and Protection from Stalking/Harassment. (which I thought was a good fit, but maybe I didn’t answer the questions properly?) Mom has been informed that if she comes to my home, she will be charged with trespassing. As a perk, when she tells people about that, she claims that the sheriff told her that if she comes out here, she’ll be shot, either by us, or by the sheriff. :rolleyes:

6

Have you documented the occurrences with date/time stamps and all of the particulars?

7

Talk to a family lawyer if you want, or better yet, talk to a lot of them. Ask if an initial consult is free.

In my state, you have to allege someone’s committed an act of family violence to get a protective order, which would generally order them to stay some X distance from you, your home, your kids, and their school.

But you haven’t said she’s committed any acts of violence.

My suggestion would be to cut off all communication with her. If she comes to your house, call the police. Ask them to file a criminal trespass warning - meaning, if she comes there again, they will arrest her. Change your number, and your email. If you can’t or won’t do that, or she keeps calling or contacting you anyway, tell her to stop, and if she doesn’t, that you will file harassment charges. Keep a record of any calls, texts or whatever, but don’t respond to them. If you see her on the street, go the other way. If she follows you, or won’t leave you alone, call the police.

You can’t keep her from calling CPS or the police, but you can keep her away from you and your children.

The good news is if the last twenty calls she’s made haven’t gotten you arrested or your kids taken away, the next X number of calls are only going to be taken less and less seriously.

8

Thank you, mod Briston, and sorry to make work for you. I wasn’t sure where to put this.

nearwildheaven: I believe that if I were to file a false report, I would have significant legal trouble from it. I’m not inclined to test the theory. I’m not sure if mom gets a pass because of her mental illness, or her convincing manner, or some other reason. I don’t know if the deputy was trying to make me feel better, or relaying de facto local legal practice.

Duckster: I have some documented details, and the Sheriff’s Deputy who is being harassed for not arresting me has even more complete records.

9

I’ll dig into the phone book in the morning for attorneys. Though it occurs to me that I may not be able to hire any of them, depending on price.

I stopped answering her calls over a year ago. I changed my phone number several months ago. She’s a complete luddite, so email is not an issue, nor are texts. (Though it was rather disturbing for me to hear my mother cursing on my voice mail before the number switch. I’m not sure I realized she knew such words. I didn’t have a good phone plan, then, or I’d have figured out how to save some of those for documentation–would I get in trouble for giving a judge a voice mail with the word “…fucker” in it?)

She calls the kids’ school. She calls our doctor. She’s managed to find four different DCF officials to interrogate the kids. (ordinarily, there is only supposed to be one interview, but when you do an end-run around the rules, the kids pay.) She’s gone all around town telling everyone her awful stories. The Sheriff’s Detective was part of a three-way call with the KBI to explain (to the KBI and thus the Governor :eek: ) why local LEO’s are ignoring her story. One acquaintance recommended that I should move. As bad as this is, if I were a stranger in a new town, I doubt I’d have made it this long without at least one trip to lockup for questioning.

10

My state has a toll-free hotline that takes anonymous reports for allegations of abuse/neglect. That system can be exploited fairly easily.

11

What are your damages? Can you quantify any monetary damages to you from her actions?

If no, you are probably not going to get anywhere in court with a lawsuit.

12

Does she treat your siblings this way?

I think you should talk to her doctor. Clearly this behavior is something they should be made aware of and maybe they can help?

Other than moving to another state and not telling her, I have no other suggestions.

13

Dallas Jones: I don’t know if finding myself forced to change my phone number counts as an expense. Needing to change the information on my checks (I have my phone number printed on, to save time at checkout) counts, either. Before the kidnap threat four years ago, mom used to babysit my kids two days a week (I was working night shift at the time, and had to sleep some time) but afterwards I didn’t hire a professional babysitter, I was merely forced to shift the load to my mother-in-law, or sleep less.

I’ll admit, I don’t actually want to sue for money (I know she doesn’t have any worth mentioning) instead I want to find a way to a) make her stop harassing us, or better, b) get her the help she needs. She complains that she can’t visit her grandkids, and her grandkids miss having a loving grandma.

14

Zebra: She disturbs my brother, but not with attacks on him, simply with repeating, ad nauseam, her concerns about me and mine. He lives in quiet terror that she’ll shift her focus to him, since he’s a single dad raising a daughter, but since that daughter just turned 18 this summer, he might be off the hook.

I have called her doctor, several times, and while they sound concerned, there hasn’t been any improvement so far. So far, they still have written permission to speak to me, but later this year it will be due for renewal, and I doubt she’ll sign, in her current state of mind. I suspect it would have been revoked already if she realized it was there.

On the subject of moving, well, excuses are like… you get the idea. Top of the list would be that living here, we are available to assist my 81-year-old mother in law when she needs it, and I have a job with 17 years seniority. If I give all that up, then I really will have financial concerns to quantify.

15

Why another state? If she’s not computer savvy, just move to a different school district and drop your landline. Wouldn’t that work?

16

Your children don’t have a loving grandma, though. They have a crazy psycho grandma. It’s not her fault that she has a mental illness, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep protecting your kids from her.

You don’t HAVE to move, but I would certainly *want *to move if I were in your position.

17

Sorry, I inadvertently quoted the wrong post above. Should have been this one:

18

Fight fire with fire. Initiate proceedings to have her declared incompetent.

Or move. Out of state. Tell no one, NO ONE, your new address. Correspond only by email with something like a Yahoo account or a phone with an area code different than where you live or, better yet, a throw-away phone that’s untraceable.

19

Accept that you cannot make her change her behavior. No protection order will ever prevent her from making contact or filing false reports. That is a tough realization.

Then decide how you can change your own behavior to improve the situation.

In similar circumstances I would be sure to inform your child’s school that in no circumstances are they to release your children to the care of your mother nor should the school ever give her information about your kids in any way. Neither confirm nor deny enrollment, attendance, or anything else. If your mother ever tried to carry through on the kidnap threat the school may be a place she would look for the kids.

There is little you can do about the constant contact from DCF. Just document everything. Ask for copies of the case worker’s documentation, if they can give it to you.

Once you have a stack of documentation, consider filing for a Protection from Stalking Order on behalf of your kids. Note the disruption to their education and their distress at the actions of their grandmother.

20

This. Sounds like competency proceedings are in order. You can probably get an injunction, but all that really entitles you to is money damages when she violates it.