One Crazy Bitch

The BBQ Pit
1

It started off as a nice evening and a pleasant start to the 4th of July. My wife and I accompanied another couple to the butcher for some steaks and made our way over to the fireworks stand. We purchased around $150 in fireworks for the children to enjoy.

Back at my place we began grilling and at about 9:30 pm we were setting up fireworks. My friends wife…we’ll call Mary, stood back with her daughter, Maria, while John (her children’s father) set off some fireworks. Mary had been drinking and was a bit rowdy and way beligerent. One of the fireworks fell over and shot near Maria and her; this is how the night from hell began.

Mary completely flipped out calling John a dumb motherfucker and screaming profanity in front of her daughter that is usually reserved for the lowest common denominator in society. She went in the house and kept yelling through the windows. I went in to speak with her and she just wanted a guarantee that John would, “STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.” I assured her that he would stay outside and she could put the baby to sleep and watch a movie. By this point Maria is crying her eyes out and upset that her mother is being crazy. Maria is only 8 and her biological father is not around, so I imagined she has seen these situations play out all too often.

This is where it just gets stupid as hell: She comes out of my house with my baseball bat signed by members of the St. Louis Cardinals (this is a full size bat) and walks straight over to his car and commences to knock out the headlights and bash in the hood. John is very angry and runs over to her as do I and we try to grab the bat. She hits him in the shoulder, fracturing his collar bone, and then tears his shirt off; I have to physically restrain her while John is laying on the ground in terrible pain.

My wife is the most stable person you will ever meet and I thought she was going to lose it. My dogs were going crazy, Mary is yelling and screaming, and her daughter, Maria, is shaking like a leaf and balling her eyes out. My wife goes inside to check on their baby and it continues to go down hill. My wife closed the door behind her and instead of just opening the damn thing, Mary starts kicking it. She manages to mess the door all the way up and then calls the cops from her cellphone claiming SHE was attacked.

They are not from around here so she could not provide an address; my wife then calls them back and they arrive around 20 minutes later. They do not take her to jail, even though she is on probation and is to not be drinking. The authorities leave with a warning to “keep her under control” because if they come back “someone is going to jail.” My wife is finally able to calm Mary down enough to allow us to take her to a hotel. We keep the baby and her daughter with us while John drove himself to the hospital.

We paid for her room at a Motel Six. Heres the kicker: She shows up this morning all smiles as if nothing happened, picked up her kids and belongings, and my dumbass friend in a sling goes with her. My house is practically destroyed from their antics. He called me awhile ago and apologized stating that they were sitting down to dinner and talking things through.

Why is he with her? I understand this is the father of her youngest (4 months old) and he wants to the best for his family, but this shit is downright dangerous. We did not plan on her drinking and she has stabbed him (really) in the past. This is not going to go well for him. What is my obligation as a friend? Do I threaten to call social services on her or just mind my business? I feel terrible for Maria who does not deserve to be brought up like this. My wife is a psychologist and has rarely seen anyone who is as crazy as her; she is worried that if we get involved that Mary will burn our house down or something.

Do I just write this episode off and not allow her at my house anymore? Or do I actively attempt to do something about it; I’m just worried it will all make things somehow worse. At this point I just want to wash my hands of her and be done with the whole thing, but I feel terrible for her oldest daughter.

2

Yea, I don’t think there’s much you can do, other then wait for the couples inevitable break-up a few years down the line and testify at the custody hearing that Mary beat her husband with a baseball bat and probably shouldn’t be able to keep the kids.

3

Well Simplicio, neither one of them are completely innocent in the scope of things. It is not a healthy relationship, but John just happened to be in the right on this one. He is a felon, so I doubt he’ll really ever have a shot at custody. At this point he is only staying with her so he can see his baby. Its just a bad situation all around. I was raised in an abusive home and know how terrifying it is on the children, so it sickens me that I just have to allow this, you know?

4

Wow, I think the OP should be made a sticky and retitled If you are considering sticking your dick in the crazy, read this first"

5

Why are you even friends with these people?

6

lol good one Rick! I’ve known John since we were 3 or 4 years old. I live in the country and they asked if they could come and set off some fireworks. We don’t hang out really. This is the first time I’ve been with them both in probably a year.

7

Wait a minute, the mother’s name is Mary and she named her daughter Maria?

8

So she assaults him with a baseball bat and is violating her probation and the cops didn’t take her away? What realm of anarchy do you live in?

9

He did not want her to go to jail, so he denied that she hit him with the bat and that they were just having a verbal altercation. My wife and I stayed out of it as to not have anything to do with either one of them going to jail because they will just be back together again; you guys know how that goes.

For the record, those are not their real names. Sarah and Jada are, for some reason I felt the need to disguise their identity, but no longer feel like it as I keep getting more worked up.

10

Hell yeah!

Poor kids :frowning:

jered, that kind of reasoning is behind a large amount of each years’ domestic murders. Your pal’s an abused wife who just happens to be male.

11

You’re right Nava. My wife works with a number of men who are often hit by their wives, but usually do nothing about it for fear of being seen as weak. We were talking a few hours ago about the only way this relationship is going to end is either prison or murder. It’s very scary – I’ve seen a lot of wild shit, but I’ve never seen someone as out of control as she was. I have no doubt that if we would not have been there to intervene she or he would have beat one another senseless right in front of her 8 year old DAUGHTER!

12

Don’t threaten to call social services, do it. At least in my state, you can do so anonymously.

Also, you wife needs to consider her professional obligations here. In my state, she’d be considered a mandated reporter, and risking serious trouble by not reporting an incident where the child was endangered.

13

Happens more often than you might think.

I am not trying to make this a, “Men are abused too!” hijack. Certainly women are the recipients of this more than men.

That said, when we see this happen to women, the answer is usually clear. Prosecute the bastard (he deserves it). Why should it be different when the roles are reversed?

14

Oakminster, my wife and I spoke about that and she is indeed a mandated reporter. At the time though it was hard to establish that the child was in actual danger. My wife and I were both sober as was ther father, so it was only the mother who was truly out of control. Do you see where I’m coming from?

Whack-A-Mole, its ok, I realize you don’t intend to hijack the thread. The difference is he chooses to stick around and could readily defend himself against her if necessary, but she looms the child over his head saying things like, “You’ll never see Ava again.” etc.

15

I think you really don’t want to make the call, and that’s understandable. Also think you’re the ones that saw what happened, and maybe you’re entitled to exercise your own judgment about whether the child was truly in danger or not, but…

You saw a woman commit what I’d call aggravated assault while under the influence in front of her child. You were concerned enough about the child’s safety that the child spent the night with you instead of with her mother. Who knows what might have happened had this couple been alone during this incident? Would she have beaten him to death with the bat? In front of the child? Would she have passed out, leaving the child unsupervised, while the father was seriously injured? I dunno. But I have seen many similar cases in my career, and too many of them do not have happy endings for the child.

Calling social services does not necessarily mean the child would be removed from the home, but that could happen, either temporarily or permanently. A timely intervention might get this couple some help that they appear to need…counseling, anger management, parenting skills, substance abuse treatment, etc.

This is a decision you and your wife have to make. But, while you’re deciding, consider how you’re going to feel if this happens again, and the child is harmed…or worse…and you did nothing to try to prevent it.

16

Then I’d say he needs to start documenting these incidents.

Have him write down what happened. Include all the detail he can including time, date, place, people present and circumstances. Have him get his account of event notarized (post offices usually have one, very often there is someone where you work who is a notary…they do not read the document…just note the document existed on that date). Have him get a safe deposit box at a local bank that is in his name only and put the documents in there.

You and your wife should also do the same, have the documents notarized and send him a copy (also notarized) and keep a copy for yourself.

Encourage him to do this every time some shit goes down.

Better still he should talk to an attorney. Not (necessarily) to initiate legal proceedings but to know how to best protect himself and his daughter. If he won’t do that at least do the above. Build the case and let the attorney know the safe deposit box with documents exists.

From what you said either there is some hidden issues between the two that surfaced that night or she is a mean drunk. I am guessing mean drunk.

If she is a mean drunk he needs to see to it that they DO NOT DRINK! May suck for him but if he cares about his daughter (sounds like he does) he’ll see to it that it is a dry household. Maybe he can hang with you once in awhile for a beer but keep the wife out of the liquor. May not be possible but he should try.

And make him pay for your door. Sounds a little shitty but it isn’t. Remind him this all has consequences. He has his shoulder but he needs to know he is burning bridges with his friends too and should make good on fixing those bridges.

17

Oakminster,

You’re right, absolutely. I just don’t know what do. The dope is a community I much respect and have seen great advice giving her and often other angles to think about things. I am not going to call social services at the moment, however I am going to attempt to talk to the father. I just do not want to interject myself too much, you know? They live 100 miles away and just happened to be in town needing a place to shoot fireworks, so it is very rarely that I see them or have contact with them. I just somehow worry that a call to DFS would make things worse. I mean, for there to be any REAL action taken I’d have to testify or be interviewed and have my name all over papers that may result in them losing their child.

Should I give them an ultimatum? Like, say, go get help/counseling/whatever or I will make the call? I mean, I missed my window of opportunity last night by not being forthcoming with law enforcement, but it may have been one of the episodes of the father turning on me and being overly angry with me for being involved. However, they did bring the shit to my house.

18

Whacka-A,

I like this idea. This way I’m giving him the opportunity to act on leaving her if need be. I might add that he is no saint himself and I know of (have not witnessed) times that these roles have been reversed. Your saying to document these events to cover him if one day they do end up in court, right? Thanks for all the advice guys.

19

Damnit, this whole thing just keeps making me more and more pissed off. I could careless if they kill one another, but that little girl is so sweet and innocent. I put my arms around her while they were screaming at one another and her fear was palpable. I told her how I’d been through this type of stuff when I was young and that it was ok to be scared. I wish I would have told her it is ok if she felt like she needed to tell her grandparents. Jada and I pet my pitbull softly and that seemed to calm her down a lot; I even coaxed a smile out of her. Sigh…children should just be allowed to live and enjoy their innocence without adults making them grow up so quickly.

20

What’s more important to you–your “friendship” with this couple, or the welfare of the child?

You know this isn’t a one time incident. You said she’s actually stabbed him in the past. This time it was a bat. Maybe next time, it’s a gun. The child was present, and the woman still got drunk and went absolutely over the top. Maybe next time she’s in a drunken rage, the child tries to save daddy. Or the child gets caught in the crossfire, literally or figuratively.

Maybe something like A.A. could help, if she’s willing to commit to it. Maybe not.

Do what you think is best, but remember you’re going to have to face the man in the mirror every day for the rest of your life if something happens to that child.