I have been in business long enough to know the CYA (Cover Your Ass) routine.
It’d be best if he talked to an attorney who is expert in family law. If he does not want to do that (money reasons or whatever) than at least he should religiously document these incidents and ask those who witness them to likewise write their account as well (if possible…asking, say, her mom to write out something busting her daughter would be a bad idea obviously…just do it when and where possible).
A notary is anywhere from really cheap to free and a little safe deposit box should be cheap too.
ETA: And if he is no saint either tell him now is the time to become one for his daughter’s sake.
All a notary really does is stamp the document which essentially says the document existed on that date.
What is written in them can be complete bullshit so a court will decide that. The notary does not read the document, does not care what is in it so there is no assessment of truth. They only note that that piece of paper exists when they stamp it. This is why having other accounts, also notarized, helps (assuming everyone is telling the truth and have matching accounts of the incident).
Without a notary it is a lot harder to admit such evidence because, in theory, you could have spent the day before writing them up.
As for you testifying or not I have no idea. Not sure if you can be subpoenaed in cases like this. Hopefully an attorney here will know.
If you give him copies of your account they may well be used in a later case so even if you are not called to court your involvement could be known. Something for you to consider.
Not usually–they’d be considered hearsay, but there are exceptions. And the thing may wind up in what I’d call Youth Court, where the rules of evidence are a lot looser than they’d be in a Divorce/Custody hearing in an adult court.
However, your testimony might not even be needed, depending on how things play out. You could make an anonymous report…there’s probably a toll free number for exactly that purpose. You know this is not the only incident, and you’ve said sometimes the guy is the abuser. If a report were made, at least in theory, trained professionals would investigate, and assess the situation. There may be sufficient evidence out there just waiting to be collected…police reports of prior incidents, neighbors/teachers that have seen things, medical records of injuries to either party.
In my state, I suspect social services would seize the child, and protect her at least temporarily…then there would be a “shelter hearing” in the Youth Court, where the results of the investigation would be presented, and a decision made in the best interest of the child. Could be just the wakeup call this family needs to fix whatever is broken. Or could at least be a way to get the child to a better situation.
AIUI, they are admissible to the extent that they show that the writer wrote and signed them on a certain date, and didn’t just gin them up the night before the court appearance.
As to how effective they would be in shielding you from having to testify in court, I’m not prepared to speculate.
IANAL, and will happily submit to correction from someone who is…
Why would they be hearsay? Because they are not sworn statements?
Could that be rectified if they called jeredc1983 into court, swore him in, then asked him, “Did you write this? Do you stand by everything you wrote in here?”
Seems to me testimony that was documented shortly after the incident should carry more weight than verbal testimony given years after the fact. The notarization proves the account was written shortly after the event and not a few days ago after years have passed.
FTR IANAL (hence my encouragement to actually have him talk to a real lawyer versed in this field of law).
I’m assuming I could have at the time at happened when the cops initially showed up; not sure what they would have to say now trying to do it after the fact. I’m not looking to pin anything on her, as I would really like to stay out of it if possible. The only way I would probably make a move at this point is if I hear from him about her pulling more of this shit.
Also, I woke up this morning to find my door wide open. I asked the wife if she left it that way and she said she didn’t and I also checked it before I went to sleep. Apparently the wind blew it open since it won’t lock after the damage they did. So aggravating.
Holy cow. Your holiday was sure more exciting than mine.
You’ve got plenty of intelligent info here, so I’ll not chime in with my less-eloquent advice on the legal aspects of the situation.
But I’d be damned if that crazy woman ever stepped foot on my property again. It could be your car (or you, or your dog, or wife) next time she picks up a bat. She’s a menace and the if the only thing you can do is protect yourself and your home, then that’s what you must do.
I hope for the kids’ sake the family gets some help.
Sorry, to hear about your ordeal.
I have been in a similar situation and I have known my best friend since we were 3 or 4 as well and I would not hesitate to act in his best interest (or his child’s), even if he did not perceive it as such at the time.
I’d call and report it. IMHO the guilt you may feel for not acting is worse than the alternative.
Even if it amounts to nothing now… it will later.
You MUST call social services for the welfare of the child. You did not “miss the opportunity.” The only chance that child has is for someone to report what is happening. Do not let her stay in that screwed up family where she’s one bad decision away from serious life threatening danger. She needs your help! Call the authorities and distance yourself far as possible away from those people.
Let’s make sure I’m understanding this correctly - you witnesses a terribly violent event that has you fearing for the safety of two little kids, and you don’t want to report it because you don’t want to get involved? Dude, you ARE involved. Do the right thing.
This couple would no longer be welcome at my home, and they would no longer be friends. Even if it’s mostly the wife that’s crazy-bananas, he’s choosing to be with her and subject his daughter to that danger. Not someone I’d associate with, even on an annual basis.
I’d for sure report the incident to social services. I’m a coward about confrontation, so I’d likely do it anonymously if possible. However, if it were asked or required of me - I’d have no problem testifying in court about what I’d witnessed. The safety of a child is always going to be more important to me than a an old friendship or my fear of “getting involved.”
I would probably just fix the door and pay for it out of pocket, to avoid causing any more drama on that front (though I’d probably send the bill to them, without expectation that they’ll actually pay it). I’d take photos of all damage though, and write up a very thorough account of what happened in case you need to recall details down the line.
Sucks that you’re going through this, but when you hang around scumbags - they’re often going to act like scumbags. Good luck with this, I hope you are able to do the right thing.
The OP seems to indicate that the father thinks if he left the wife would get custody of the children, so from his view he doesn’t really have the option of getting the kids out from under crazy-mom.
I’m also kind of puzzled by people saying he should contact CPS. So far as I can tell, the mother never did anything to the kid (other then presumably scare the crap out of them by acting like a crazy person), she just attacked the father. I don’t think the CPS is going to do anything unless there’s evidence she’s actually hurting her children.
The OP is justifiably worried that her obvious anger issues might make her abusive towards her kids, but I don’t think CPS will do much unless there’s evidence that thats actually happening.
I’ve made several reports to CPS over the years, and my experience has been that unless there is actual physical danger plus some sort of proof that abuse has already occurred, the children will not be removed from the home.
I’d consider reporting to CPS, just for the sake of documentation–but I’d be shocked if any action was taken based on a fight between Mom and Dad where no one was arrested or charged. However, it would be a good foundation for eventual action if things escalate.
When I taught the rule was “Our job is to report; their job is to evaluate.” So you don’t really have to be the judge of the veracity of the claim; that’s what the caseworker will do.
