This has been a rough 16 months. After two breast scares and a uterine cancer scare (all benign) all since December '17, this time I think I’ve lost the lottery and I am terrified. Beyond terrified.
I have my mamm/sonogram/possible biopsy on Monday. I acted quickly once I discovered symptoms, not that really matters with IBC I guess.
I’m just trying to hold out some level of hope. The problem is that I, a 52-year-old non-lactating, non-baby-having diabetic woman, have all the symptoms of IBC, including sudden (within the last 2-4 weeks) appearance of:
reddening around my areola
inverted nipple like a scared turtle
sort of dimpled skin, like the peau d’orange Dr. Google mentions
swelling
varies between being sore and not painful
and a huge mass–6cm estimated by my gyno
All of these can be mastitis or a plugged duct (I had duct ectasia last year and by coincidence this is in the same place–subareolar), or even fat necrosis. Except unfortunately I don’t have a fever that would indicate a infection.
On Monday (the 17th) my GP and his attending felt around and thought it was likely mastitis, but also fast-tracked a mamm/sonogram as mentioned above. They also ordered a white blood cell count to check for infection, along with a course of antibiotics just in case. But today I just got the test back – 10.8, which is normal.
So I figure I’m screwed.
I know there’s nothing I can do. I’m just in a crazy amount of fear and I don’t know if I can handle this. Not that I have a choice but I am not a fighter and anyway IBC is the worst most aggressive breast cancer (the hugeness of my lump makes me suspect it’s very very aggressive or late stage) so there’s not really anything to fight.
I guess what I’m asking for here is for sympathy and maybe any hope, not that this will help. Is it possible to have an infection without a fever or high wbc?
You do indeed have my sympathies for your ordeal, but please, try not to focus on what it might be, until you have your test results. I know this is a vain endeavor, but you will be a nervous wreck if you ruminate on this for the entire weekend. If it’s just a scare, all this will have been suffering for nothing.
Stay off the medical websites. Do something you like that will distract you. Something you haven’t done in awhile.
I had a recent sonogram for an abnormal mammogram. Yes, I know it’s tough to go through, but think about other things.
I hope all goes well, as mine did. You should hope too.
Oh dear, this is scary. I don’t know the answers to your questions, but I wanted to make you aware of the vast online community and message boards at Breastcancer.org. Like here, it’s free but you have to register. I had breast cancer four years ago, but got off with a lumpectomy and three weeks of radiation. I won’t tell you not to worry, because that’s impossible. But do get as informed as you can as fast as you can. It’s all a mish-mash now, but the more you read and talk to people the more you will understand the terms, etc. Do keep us posted. Hugs to you.
ETA. I think avoiding medical sites is smart, but online communities can help you know what questions to ask and give you moral support. I find them helpful. YMMV.
If worse does come to worse(and I hope it doesn’t) Carpe gaudium
I once had to jump out of a airplane that was in perfect working order. The person who trained me was very good and very patient, and when I asked what I should do if the chute didn’t open, she said “Carpe gaudium-Seize the joy. You already know what the outcome is going to be, so take control and squeeze every damn drop of happiness out of the situation. Fly. Spin. Tumble. Somersault. Whatever it takes to go out on your own terms. Carpe gaudium.”
I have been there, with the totally convincing yourself that you have cancer. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
One thing I have learned is that even if you can’t change what’s going on your body, you can change what’s going on in your mind. I always lived by the advice of Benjamin Franklin about expecting the worst so that if it doesn’t happen, you can be pleasantly surprised. But it’s painful to always be expecting the worst, and so I made it a goal for this year to always expect the best instead. I’m not 100% successful by a longshot, but I’ve found that it’s not nearly as difficult as I expected. You can always start by considering the alternatives instead of imagining the worst case scenario. Suppose this turned out to be just a scare? What would you do? How would you feel then? It does no harm at all to think about the good possibilities instead of, or even along with the bad ones.
In my case, it turned out not to be cancer, the problem was treated, and I was fine. I don’t think I gained anything by playing out the horrible scenarios in my head, except maybe the ability to share my story and hope that it gives you a different perspective.
I had breast cancer last year and can identify with the hellish anxiety you’re experiencing. The waiting for test results was very difficult. Here are some of my experiences that might help you:
Get informed, but choose your sites carefully. I tried to stick to NIH and medical journal articles. However, sometimes you need to ask questions of women who have been there. That’s where BC message boards are invaluable. However, keep in mind that women with worst case scenarios are more likely to post, so don’t linger too long. Another breastcancer.org poster told me this, and it was a big help.
My surgeon said the statistics don’t reflect advancements, so keep in mind that the odds are better than stats would have you believe. For instance, a five-year study published two years ago doesn’t reflect a treatment that became available four years ago. In fact, he said, advances in treatment are so rapid that a five-year-old study is almost useless.
Don’t think of yourself as passively waiting while the cancer does its thing. Take pro-active steps now. Eat well, get fresh air and exercise, care for your body. You want it to be in the best shape possible, and it helps to remind yourself most of your body is healthy. Also, start visualization now. I decided not to visualize cancer as an invader, since it was really my own cells running amuck. I envisioned a snow field melting and shrinking under the warmth and light of the sun.
Be politely pushy. You can’t rush the tests, but you can get info sooner if you call your doc when the results are due. I had to do that more than once, and it saved me extra days of wait worry.
Please let us know what you find out. And feel free to PM me at any time.
thank you all very much. It’s a lot to take in and I’m just benumbed. I know so many brave women (and men) have dealt with this, and worse. My soul is just broken and I can’t imagine being up to this. I’m a defeatist by nature, and I’m already furious at myself for having wasted my life.
Just chiming in with best wishes for you from Krakow.
(I know for me, favorite music can be a huge help with stress, maybe something upbeat, even though you understandably don’t feel that way, might at least get your mind on other things, even if just for a few minutes?)
I had breast cancer a little less than 2 years ago. I was scared, no doubt, but as you know, catching it early offers the best outcome. If you’ve had 2 breast cancer scares in the last 16 months, you have obviously stayed on top of it. FWIW, I had a very aggressive tumor of the worst type (triple negative), but got immediate treatment (including chemo that made hair fall out) and am doing very well. It wasn’t the easiest thing to face, but it wasn’t the hardest either.
If it turns out to be breast cancer, I’ll reiterate the advice to seek information sparingly, read articles only from reputable, current sources, but if you find that it’s making you MORE fearful, then put yourself on a Google moratorium. It’s important to know facts, but it’s also important to not scare the bejesus out of yourself needlessly.
I’ll also second the advice to visit BreastCancer.org and sign up for their message boards. It was so nice to read from others who were going through treatment the same time I was. I handled treatment a lot better than most, and worse than some. But we all helped each other get through it day by day.
Good luck to you, and be proud of yourself for going to the doctor immediately instead of hiding your head in the sand. And take heart that a lot of new therapies, including immune therapy, are showing great promise. We are on the cusp for a cancer treatment revolution, IMHO.
Best wishes to you, choie. I’m about your age and it seems like these types of scares get more and more frequent the older you get. I guess it’s to be expected, but it doesn’t make it any easier.