Yeah, definately the Sum 41 show…(they’re opening for Treble Charger, his favourite band -even if he had tickets to a show earlier and got pissed off when they cancelled).
I bet that 7’s parents have no idea how much their nagging has eroded the trust between them and their adult child–so much so that lying to them is easier than telling the truth. We talk about how lying erodes trust, but I think it also takes trust to tell the truth and not be overly nagged and lectured. If you want honesty from your children, you have to respect and nurture that honesty.
Maybe you should call them on it, 7. Tell them the bare minimum of truth that they will accept (and that may be nothing at all.) If they ask for more information, just say, “Do you want the truth, or will you just nag and criticize me endlessly for every choice I make?”
I think that you also have to just close your ears to their criticism. I know it’s hard, but just let it roll off your back. (They’re nagging you about stuffed animals, man–how stupid is that? Stuffed animals! Who cares?) If they really will nag you for ten years for going to a concert…well, that’s their problem. It’s a pretty poor way for them to spend their lives. They nag you for going out with friends and they nag you for watching TV. Would anything make them happy?
Dude, as a 23 year old who only recently learned this lesson and has suffered the consequences of cowardice when it comes to dealing with parental units I tell you in all kindness and love, brother, to grow some cajones and tell them straight up what your plans are.
I know you’ve heard it before in this thread, and you’ll hear it again after me, but assuming that you’re over 18 and that you do actually love your parents, you need to start showing them that you’re not a weasel. It’s gonna be ooogey for a bit, and they may not like it, and they will most definitely get on your back about it, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Lying is for pussies and adolescents. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you’re neither.
Seriously, dude. If you love them, you’ll tell them straight up. They can deal with it, I promise. Give your parents a little more credit than that. I’m sure they won’t die over the revelation that you can manage your life on your own now, even if they don’t like the way you’re doing it. They will get over it, and they will still love you when you get back. And next time you want to go out, or do something they might not approve of, it’ll be all that much easier for them to really see you as an adult.
Peace, and do the right thing.
Too late. It’s John Tesh. And how much more pathetic this whole situation looks now that we finally found that out.
i’m gonna echo DeVena here. if you dont know how to lie by now… but seriously, earlier this year i went to see less than jake at my university (they roozled!). yeah, sure, it wasnt a long drive, but it ran late, and i didnt get back to my parents (yes, i live with them :() until about 2 am. and i had an exam at 9:15am the next day (a freakin saturday!!!). when i got the ticket, i didnt have the exam dates, and when i got them, my parents were all bitchy n telling me i couldnt go. i just told them that frankly i felt capable of doing the exam, and if i failed they could bitch at me as much as they wanted. but not until then…
needless to say i passed. you gotta show the parental units they can trust you, and that you aint a stupid lil kid who still needs to be spoonfed and have your nappies changed by em…
[nitpick]You checked out my live journal, but was it the pink and purple theme that made you think I was a guy?! 
[/nitpick]
I don’t see why it matters which band, if you’re really that curious, it’s not actually Sum 41 I’m interested in seeing, but treble charger.
Anyway, I don’t want to get into the kind of relationship my parents and I have. They’ve caused me much problems, and it’s more of a Pit rant, which this is not. I’ll just say that I’m currently saving money from my job so I’ll have some start off money + school loans from next year to move out on my own. I know that once I move out, I won’t have any contact with them unless it’s a major holiday or someone’s birthday.
I know that by lying to them because I think I have to gives them control over me. But in my mind, this kind of control where they don’t know they’re controlling me is better than the nagging kind of control where they get the satisfaction of knowing they’re controlling me. It’s screwed up, but once again, in order to explain myself, I’d have to go Pit on this thread’s ass, and this is not the Pit.
I did exactly the same thing in 10th grade, I was taking the SAT Saturday morning but felt like going out Friday night, I told my mom I was going out with friends and she nagged, I said well, give me one shot to screw this up, I can always take them again, I’ll use my own judgement as to when I need to go to sleep tonight and how I need to prepare for the test tomorrow. She ended up being very happy with the result of the test and from then on trusted my judgement.
Doesn’t work that well for everybody though.
Your parents think you’re a horrible person for spending time with your friends? hmmm. Wow. I think friends should be outlawed too. Who needs em?
Seriously, you don’t think thats really it do you? Are they Nazis? All parents want their kids to have friends and have fun. I’m sure yours are no different. But there’s a time and place, and maybe youve worn yours out. Since they have no evidence when you do anything productive, like homework, can you really blame them? Maybe you can show them the things you do, and they won’t feel like you’re squandering your time. Show them how clean you can keep the house, clean your room, do the dishes, something they will notice. Or when you take a test at college, put it up on the refrigerator so they see what you accomplished. No matter if its not an A+. They’ll see that you had to have prepared for something and accomplished something.
You read the newpaper instead of conversing with them during a meal, you go out with your friends all the time. Can’t you see what they want? They want to know you and share things with you. Of course they’re going to be angry and nitpick on the small stuff, they dont know how to express how your absence makes them feel.
I know you’re going to lie to them anyway, as you’ve said, but can you at least vow that this will be the last? It’s not necessary to lie. At all.
I can definitely see how the truth can not always be the best option.
It’s a way to avoid unnecessary conflict, especially in this case.
Although I have to say, I’m the WORST LIAR EVER, so I can’t really help you much. Would they not accept the explanation that you just WANT to sleep over at someone’s house for the heck of it?
As a newbe let me just say that I’m honored to be a member of a group that would give answers such as these. You’re the best.
Ok man, here’s the deal. You are set on lying to them regardless of how many people here who are (rightly) telling you to spit out the truth instead. Hmm, not too wise, but if thats your choice then thats your choice. The thing is, you’ll probably get caught. No matter how good you think you are at fibbing, if you were my kid I’d know. First theres the fact that you are “spontaneously” spending a night in the middle of the week away from home. Alarm bells sounding. No matter how much you try, you’re going to be giving off body language that says “I’m lying mom and dad.” Alarm bells again. Remember, these people knew you when you were still a sperm and egg. Unless they are really out of it, they’ll pick up on the subtle clues.
So this is one of the reasons why I think so many people are telling you to just tell the truth, they’ll probably strongly suspect you’re up to something anyway. If so, they may very well check up on you. Not to mention that there really is no good reason for you NOT to tell them other than having to deal with the fallout. Its not like they can ban you from going anyway.
I would approach them with a very serious tone, maybe even tell them you considered lying about it seriously. That has a way of making them see it a little bit from your side. Enjoy!
Move out of home. It’ll make things so much better with your parents.
As for lying to them: keep it simple and involve as few other people as possible.
I’m surprised that no one has suggested to NOT SAY ANYTHING. Ever heard the saying “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission”? Then just spill the beans when you get home.
Not that I condone that, but, I’m still surprised that no one has suggested it.
E3
You don’t want to tell your parents about going to the concert because you’re afraid they will nag you. They nag you now and IMHO without good reason. Lying will not prevent their nagging nor, from what you’ve said, even lessen their nagging. And don’t kid yourself, there is the real possibility that they will find out that you lied and went to the concert. If that should happen, they will nag you with good reason.
7, as Canadian citizen of legal adult age, you have the right to either:
a) lie shamelessly to your parents about your whereabouts;
b) tell them gawd’s honest truth, and then run like hell.
It is so bloody tempting to lie through your teeth about what’s going on in your life (hell, I still do it, from time to time), but now is the time to start putting your foot down. You are an adult, damnit, it’s your money, they’re your favourite band, and nothing on this great, green and fecund earth can prevent you from going!
…Although, I would recommend Voyageur-ing it out there rather than driving. Not only can you snooze on the way back (or even study, if you really can’t get to sleep), but Ma and Pa won’t have to worry about you bing involved in some fiery wreck on the four-whatever series highway on the way home. I mention that point in particular as it was the only thing that got my sixteen-year-old arse 600km’s away to Barrie for Lolapalooza with nothing but my bank card and my twenty-one-year-old boyfriend.
On the other hand, if you decide to lie, pick a trusty third person. You and your concert buddy are “staying” at Trusty’s place that night. Then, if Ma and/or Pa calls Trusty, you can be said to be in the john, Trusty can call/text you (or concert buddy) on the cell phone I’m assuming you have, you can call Ma/Pa at home to reassure them, and Bob is your completely unscrupulous but well-entertained uncle.
Et voila, mon amie!
Mlle. Toupee
If you can’t do that, then you don’t deserve to see John Tesh live.
To lie to your parents:
- grow a pair. Do it confidently and courageously.
- keep it simple, keep it as close to the truth as possible.
- the all niter working on a school project is fine
- you’re probably going to kill your poor mother with worry.
When you grow a pair, the nagging ceases to matter.
read “fight club”