I need some advice on a Second Chances...

About 9 or 10 months ago I met a girl online that lives in my town. I was quite smitten with her only personality and about 4 months ago we were ready to meet each other in real life. I was pretty damn excited, because I thought I had met a girl that I could really grove with. We set our initial meeting but things didn’t work out with that one, because she said she had some trouble in the family (which is quite understandable). The second meeting we scheduled was a concert that eventually was rescheduled for another time. I don’t exactly recall what happened, but somehow she suddenly and mysteriously vanished offline and wasn’t to be seen or heard from up until tonight. She said the reason for her vanishing was that she sorta went into a social coma and didn’t really go out with anybody and never signed on.

Here is my problem with the situation I am now faced with. Over the course of the past 4 months I have written her several times and she never responded to me even though I knew she was checking her mail eventually (I have aol and aol members can check to see if other aol members have checked the e-mail you have sent them). This non communication attitude towards me led me to believe that either I had done something wrong or she was leading me on the entire time.

This evening I reinitiated conversation when I saw her come online. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I looked at my buddy list and she was there. It seemed as if we hit it off once again. She said she was sorry for not contacting me, but she was going through an introverted time and didn’t really hang out or talk to anyone and that she would like to try to become friends again.

I am extremely torn on this idea. On one hand I have the good memories I had of her before all this started and I still kinda have a soft spot in my heart and am willing to forget, but recently I have been burned by a couple girls and I am sorta of the attitude “Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me.” What should I do? Give me any input you like.



P.S. Sometimes the girl that I spoke of will frequent this site. I don’t recall if she remembers it, but if she does find this message I would love to hear what she thinks too :slight_smile:

Why wouldn’t you believe her? Do you guys talk on the phone? If you do talk on the phone, and she did the whole vanishing thing, then I’d raise an eyebrow. But if she has been going through family stuff anyways, it could have led into her social life and she probably was just depressed and didn’t really want to do anything or talk to anyone. And if that is the case she probably needs a friend right about now?
–Taken that I don’t know the whole stuation, and the details on everything–

plus I feel bad giving someone else advice when I can’t figure out what to do with my own problems. If you want to know what I mean cheak out the thread that is titled -love-
help needed in the worst way

Do you guys talk on the phone?

By Nicklz

No we haven’t talked on the phone. We have kept it all on the net. I sorta wanted to skip the phone stage and go straight to the in person.

If a guy blew me off for four months, I’d have some serious doubts over his worth as friend material, much less potential boyfriend material. And if he explained it by saying he’d fallen into a “social coma”, it would make me even more uncomfortable: I’d think he was either bipolar or depressed (not that there’s anything wrong with having either condition, mind you), or he was BSing some more. Even if he just felt like being alone, I’d still wonder. I myself occasionally don’t feel like talking to others and I do enjoy going off by myself, but never for such a long period of time.

Either way, I think it’s pretty clear that while you may be smitten with this girl, she’s not smitten with you.

The good times you used to have together is something you should remember and be glad you had, but I don’t think they should be reason enough to pursue this girl any more. I’m not saying you should cut her off completely, but I do think you should try to find someone else. I know, I know, easier said than done. But she’s not the only girl out there, and she won’t be the last girl you’ll ever click with.

I’m hesitant to give the “you can be her friend, but try to not have feelings for her” advice because I don’t believe it’s possible, at least not when the wound’s still fresh. But if she does have problems, the best thing you can do for her is to be there to listen if she wants to talk. Keep in mind, though, that this may not be the best thing for you. If it were me, I’d need time away to let my heart recover and my head clear… YMMV.

Good luck to you, Omega.

I would give her a second chance, but take it very slow and start from the begining. I wouldn’t expect it to just pick up where it left off. If she does something like that again, then no other chance.

Not to put a serious damper on the whole thing, but given the nature of online relationships, and considering that you’ve never seen her in real life or even talked to her on the phone, are you absolutely sure that she is who she says she is?

I’d go for the “one-more-chance” thing myself… but I warn you, don’t get too heavily involved in an online romance. I did that route once (many years ago), but… well… it just kind of fizzled out.

Then again, this “online crush” wasn’t nearly as painful as real-life ones…


I said…

What I meant to say was “don’t get too heavily involved in an online-only romance.” If you two never get to meet in real life, then just let things be.

Which isn’t to say that you can’t stay friends. I mean, I still talk with ssskuggiii almost every time that she’s online, and I greatly enjoy it.